What a bad year

Neco · Post by **Neco** » Thu Nov 12, 2009 5:19 pm

My best friend called the other night to tell me our other best friend had passed. He was hit by an SUV, the driver claims he stepped out and "was just there" and there was no time to stop.

He had poor eyesight, I remember growing up he had repeated problems with one of his eyes being weak. He also did not walk like a normal person, I'm not sure why that was but I am guessing he maybe stumbled or just did not see the traffic. I can't see him stepping out on purpose or anything, he wasn't that kind of person.

The last time I saw him was after his sister was killed alongside the road, hit by a drunk driver.. That was back in 2001.

This is seriously screwed up.

SquirmingSusan · Post by **SquirmingSusan** » Thu Nov 12, 2009 5:39 pm

Wow. So sorry.

Nicky · Post by **Nicky** » Thu Nov 12, 2009 7:09 pm

That's just awful Zach, I'm so sorry.

Post by **Polar Bear** » Thu Nov 12, 2009 10:26 pm

Awful news to hear.
It is so sad to hear of someone so young, passing, and especially so tragically.

Post by **ViewsAskew** » Fri Nov 13, 2009 12:42 am

Oh, my. That is just awful, Zach.

Neco · Post by **Neco** » Fri Nov 13, 2009 2:10 am

Hoping to send some flowers or something when I get paid on Monday.

Not sure what to send though

Post by **ViewsAskew** » Fri Nov 13, 2009 5:43 am

Sometimes the family makes a request, such as not to send flowers but to donate to a particular charity. Often, however, flowers are fine (assuming his family is Christian; different protocol if he is Jewish or affiliated with a different religion).

Whatever you do, I am sure the family will appreciate your thoughtfulness.

bekull · Post by **bekull** » Fri Nov 13, 2009 7:29 pm

So sorry for your loss - especially on top of the loss of your trusted doctor.
Regarding what you might send...if I were this man's parent, I would want you to send me a card or a letter telling me something you found special about him or maybe a story about him that I wouldn't know and (at least for me) if it were a little funny, I'd really love it. It wouldn't cost anything and yet your friend's parents will have it forever. Again, so sorry.

Post by **Polar Bear** » Sat Nov 14, 2009 3:23 am

I agree, as a parent I would treasure a card from a friend of my son, saying something about the quality of their friendship. Can take a wee while sometimes to choose just the right words.... but the result would be priceless.

SquirmingSusan · Post by **SquirmingSusan** » Sat Nov 14, 2009 7:44 pm

bekull wrote:So sorry for your loss - especially on top of the loss of your trusted doctor.
Regarding what you might send...if I were this man's parent, I would want you to send me a card or a letter telling me something you found special about him or maybe a story about him that I wouldn't know and (at least for me) if it were a little funny, I'd really love it. It wouldn't cost anything and yet your friend's parents will have it forever. Again, so sorry.

Excellent idea.

Flowers are nice, but people are inundated with flowers when someone dies. I like to donate to charities in peoples names. My favorite thing is to go through something like World Vision or Heifer Project, and donate an animal in someone's memory. I donated a hive of bees to someone in a third world country in memory of a friend's dad, and donated an alpaca to indigenous South Americans last year in honor of family members, instead of Christmas presents. I really appreciated it when my mom died last fall when her friends got creative with their memorials. It's nice to do something that can actually change someone's life for the better.

But sending a card with a note with some memories is a great thing to do.

Post by **Polar Bear** » Sat Jan 30, 2010 10:57 pm

On a similar theme.

We have an older friend, a widower, whom we met about 10 years ago, he lives 100 miles away and we see him a couple of times each year. This guy is so talented, very funny especially in the written word, retired senior police officer, he writes poetry, paints landscapes mainly, has won several art competitions, has a painting hanging in ???? somewhere in Italy which was a winning entry for amateur international artists.

He is someone that my husband holds in very high esteem for lots of different reasons, and I asked him where I could buy one of his paintings as a gift for my husband, as I had googled etc. without success. He does not sell his paintings. However he agreed to give me one of his paintings. Our difficulty was me getting the painting without hubby being aware, and then I had to have it professionally framed.

I left the choice of painting up to our friend from whatever he had. This wonderful friend sent it to me at my work address, he included a very funny letter to my husband explaining how he painted it one hot summer in his garage wearing only his boxer shorts cos of the heat with his wife bringing him out cold drinks. He told us it was painted during a good time in his life, hence the madly bold sunset over the sea, his exuberance is evident in the fabulous sunset and the madly wild seascape. Tho he did warn me before posting the painting that we would need to wear sunglasses and stand at the end of the garden to view it!!

By various subterfuge eventually the painting was beautifully mounted and framed and hidden in the loft, and when I gave it to my husband that christmas, my husband shed a few emotional tears.

Our friend would not accept any payment for this kind act. He was a widower when we met him but he spoke often and fondly of his wife, there was just the two of them, no children. His wife had died of cancer.

I made a donation to the Children's Hospice, and sent him a thank you card with a photograph of the painting hanging in our living room, and included the receipt for the donation which was made in his wife's name.

I was so touched by his generousity, and wanted to acknowledge it in some meaningful way.

Sorry about the ramble of this story, in fact it meant so much to me at the time that I wouldn't be surprised if it already appears somewhere in the posts.

What I am trying to say in a very long winded way is that I agree with Susan. A donation in someone's name, no matter how small, shows that some thought and consideration has been shown in the appreciation of whatever, be it an act of kindness or in memory.

Flowers are beautiful but sometimes if a lot of flowers are received at the one time, I personally feel that it is a little bit of a waste, well perhaps not a waste, but the cost could be more usefully applied.

Betty/WV · Post by **Betty/WV** » Sat Jan 30, 2010 11:24 pm

A beautiful letter and story, Polar Bear. And the next time I want to show someone my appreciation, I will remember this story. And I agree whole heartly with you. Sometimes there are to many flowers, with not a thought really to the person, so easy to call the florist and order flowers. Although I do love flowers, but to many is to many. Thanks for the story.

BETTY/WV

Post by **Polar Bear** » Sun Jan 31, 2010 4:14 am

Yes Betty, just a comment on flowers which I adore. On my 60 birthday, we had a house party. I had never before had a proper birthday party with a cake and balloons etc.

Friends brought beautiful gifts which included flowers, ranging from gorgeous 'supermarket' roses, to florist' arrangements with unusual specimans. I really hadn't expected such overwhelming generousity and was not prepared. As guests arrived any flowers were temporarily put into the garage into buckets of water.

Next morning we just looked at all the flowers and at each other, and decided to keep three that were from those people who were emotionally closest.... not necessarily the most expensive. I rang a few friends and explained how I felt it was a bit greedy to keep all of these flowers and would like to share with them. Fortunately I could recall the givers of any flowers and was able to ensure that they weren't aware of what I was doing. I discussed it with hubby and d-in-law and they agreed that I was not being ungrateful for the presents and it was ok, I was sharing my good fortune.

It was as you say, sometimes too many is too many. And a couple of these arrangements were maybe £40. I absolutely appreciated their gift, but actually felt there was something not quite right about all the money that had been spent on these flowers.

It is so true that it is the thought that counts and personally would generally gift with a nice supermarket bunch of flowers adding my own tissue paper/wrapping, or a florist's 'one special speciman' beautifully presented.