It's been pointed out to me several times (in a kind way) that I pop in for awhile then drop out of sight. Very true. But it's not because I don't love all of you and want to know what's going on, it's just that life is difficult sometimes. Seems like it goes in stages that way--things are great, going the way you want then BAM. My life is too full (we've already talked about that!) but why can't it be smooth?!
Anyway, this week has been awful and I need my friends. The fact that I don't post often doesn't matter to any of you when a friend needs you. Besides the always present feeling of blah, I'm worn out and sick. My dog was killed Sunday by an idiot who didn't even stop to say "I'm sorry". Sassie was my beagle and her pen mate Cricket is just lost.
Tonight my dad called and told me he has prostate cancer. I'm forbidden to tell anyone else. So I'm breaking my promise to him not to tell anyone but I'm so scared. I'm afraid I can't be strong for him. Guess it's a bad case, we're going in for a second opinion and then he will decide what to do. Mom had lung cancer two years ago and beat it. Daddy is such a gentle man, I'm afraid he won't fight. How in the world am I supposed to just go on like nothing is wrong? Mom and I never got along when I was at home although things are good with us now. But Dad is my hero and I'm sitting here crying because I don't know what to do. I can't even go downstairs until my eyes aren't swollen (which may take until next week!)
So I just needed to tell someone because you all have always been there for me before. I'm a basket case right now so I'd better get off here before I embarrass myself further with all this emotion. Thanks for just being there, wherever you are.
Need that group hug
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Rubyslipper
- Posts: 992
- Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2004 2:53 am
- Location: Missouri
Need that group hug
You've always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself! (Glinda of Oz)
I'll hug you...
I watched a dog get run over by a truck a couple years ago.. right infront of me.. It was winter, snow was on the ground everywhere, it was a golden retriever... How can you not see that dog in the street? I got this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when it started howling... **** slowly stopped and backed up.. looked for a minute while me and the poor girl hovered over her dog, and then just drove off like nothing had happened... It's a crime not to report a collision with an animal out here.
Ever since then I scream my dogs name at the top of my lungs when she chases something towards the street, like some gut reaction.
My grandma died from cervical cancer when I was 17, so you get more hugs... I was actually very stoic the entire time, except for getting up in the middle of the service cause that smoke crap they do made me want to puke.. I only visited her last year and finally let it out... Which dramatically improved my life when I came back from my vacation there in Maryland. My depression was gone and all kinds of stuff.. Got my GED, got my job last year.. Don't bottle it up inside whatever you do.. I paid for it for years and I'm still trying to recover...
Hope everything turns out OK for you.. My grandma lost a breast, but lived many many years after the first time she got it.. Maybe you will have the same luck in your family..
I watched a dog get run over by a truck a couple years ago.. right infront of me.. It was winter, snow was on the ground everywhere, it was a golden retriever... How can you not see that dog in the street? I got this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when it started howling... **** slowly stopped and backed up.. looked for a minute while me and the poor girl hovered over her dog, and then just drove off like nothing had happened... It's a crime not to report a collision with an animal out here.
Ever since then I scream my dogs name at the top of my lungs when she chases something towards the street, like some gut reaction.
My grandma died from cervical cancer when I was 17, so you get more hugs... I was actually very stoic the entire time, except for getting up in the middle of the service cause that smoke crap they do made me want to puke.. I only visited her last year and finally let it out... Which dramatically improved my life when I came back from my vacation there in Maryland. My depression was gone and all kinds of stuff.. Got my GED, got my job last year.. Don't bottle it up inside whatever you do.. I paid for it for years and I'm still trying to recover...
Hope everything turns out OK for you.. My grandma lost a breast, but lived many many years after the first time she got it.. Maybe you will have the same luck in your family..
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SquirmingSusan
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- Contact:
(((((((Ruby)))))))
I'm so sorry for all that you're going through.
Cancer really sucks. And losing a dog is so hard. Just remember that crying isn't a sign of weakness. I've never been one to cry and envy those who can let the feelings out. You're entitled to your tears and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I'm so sorry for all that you're going through.
Cancer really sucks. And losing a dog is so hard. Just remember that crying isn't a sign of weakness. I've never been one to cry and envy those who can let the feelings out. You're entitled to your tears and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.Susan
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ViewsAskew
- Moderator
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- Location: Los Angeles
Oh, Ruby. Life is hard sometimes, isn't it? I lost dog-of-my-heart in a similar way. Those who haven't had pets sometimes don't understand. It's not LIKE losing a family member, it IS losing a family member.
Your dad will do what your dad does. He may be tougher than you think. Either way, you will love him every minute and remember to be present with him every time you see him. Be there - for you, for him, for your memories. You don't need to be strong, just be to be you.*
Just my perspective, but it seems a burden to place this vow of silence on you. I hope he reconsiders once he knows more. You may also need to reconsider.
I hope that you are able to find some time for yourself this week.
*A few years ago, my best friend's mother became sick and was put into the hospital. I went to the hospital about two days later, the day they were doing a transfusion. It became clear after a few hours that she was dying. I stayed with my friend and her brother, both family to me, until their mom died, which was about 8 hours later. At one point when mom's blood pressure took another drop and death seemed so inevitable, I was stroking mom's hand and I started to cry. My friend came over and hugged me. Through my tears I disparagingly said, "Wow, what a friend and support system I am," to which my friend said, "Yep, the best there is."
Kathy, showing up is 99% of what is important. Truly. Not how strong, how smart, how whatever we are. Only that we are there and that we care. And, you, I know you are an exemplar at that.
Your dad will do what your dad does. He may be tougher than you think. Either way, you will love him every minute and remember to be present with him every time you see him. Be there - for you, for him, for your memories. You don't need to be strong, just be to be you.*
Just my perspective, but it seems a burden to place this vow of silence on you. I hope he reconsiders once he knows more. You may also need to reconsider.
I hope that you are able to find some time for yourself this week.
*A few years ago, my best friend's mother became sick and was put into the hospital. I went to the hospital about two days later, the day they were doing a transfusion. It became clear after a few hours that she was dying. I stayed with my friend and her brother, both family to me, until their mom died, which was about 8 hours later. At one point when mom's blood pressure took another drop and death seemed so inevitable, I was stroking mom's hand and I started to cry. My friend came over and hugged me. Through my tears I disparagingly said, "Wow, what a friend and support system I am," to which my friend said, "Yep, the best there is."
Kathy, showing up is 99% of what is important. Truly. Not how strong, how smart, how whatever we are. Only that we are there and that we care. And, you, I know you are an exemplar at that.
Ann - Take what you need, leave the rest
Managing Your RLS
Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation, and are not medical advice.
Managing Your RLS
Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation, and are not medical advice.
((((((((((((((((((RUBY))))))))))))
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. Sorry too, for the pup, little rascals, I loved your giggling at them as pups when you got them together finally. I know how precious they are to you. I know they do suffer when they have loss, just like we do.
The driver, well, just find that person, I got skills!
Awww my Miss Ruby, your Dad.......I'm going to tell you what to do, so just read this and follow when you can't let your brain work through it all.
Love him fully. Know that each day is a gift. You never know about a fight in a man until he's in one. The quiet ones are normally, stronger and better at the silent attack.
Go for the second opinion, look at everything they have to say and the results. And then plan the fight. Honestly, when it came time for my grandmother (you know, my world spun around her) to get tune ups, like that silly little corroded artery needed cleaning out, she said "H**l no way. Take me a year for them to say I'm ok and can get back to my life. I don't have time for that stuff."
We all knew then it was about time, but turned our hearts on and trusted the smartest woman alive. It all came down to respecting her wishes.
She was out of her mind, she had a clear opinion about how HER life would go and we respected her wishes.
I know that brings fear, fear that you might not be ready, you might not get a chance to give your in put, fear that you might not have any control.....worse he might not either.
As much as this hurts right now, Kathy I know you. Your gift is simple, you know a good time when you are in the moment and you treasure that. This sounds silly, but it is what will keep you sane. Enjoy those small laughs and giggles. Be the hand that reaches for his when he's trying to be tough. Cry when you need to, yes even with him. Your a good woman and you tell him I said so. Thank him for raising you to become the wonderful person you are.
Have hope, know that we are all praying for you, your dad, Kenny, your mom, and Crickett.
Too much at one time, don't I know that song, you do too! So we'll sing and belt it out in harmony.
You need strength, you got it. Cry when you need to. Yes, even crying is strength. it gives our hearts a way to vent and then take a deep breath, and know that you stand in the perfect shoes. Give yourself permission to enjoy and smile, for those days count bigger in the long run.
I know your dad is scared too, or he wouldn't have told you. Stand in that very special space you each have for each other. Warm your heart in it.
You are one of the strongest woman I have ever met. The biggest heart and the laughter of a child with joy in her heart.
You will walk this path with him, but not without us.
You've got us and we're all sending you love, great thoughts of strength, and our prayers.
The moon is yours tonight, full, shining with our love for you.
Lynne
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. Sorry too, for the pup, little rascals, I loved your giggling at them as pups when you got them together finally. I know how precious they are to you. I know they do suffer when they have loss, just like we do.
The driver, well, just find that person, I got skills!
Awww my Miss Ruby, your Dad.......I'm going to tell you what to do, so just read this and follow when you can't let your brain work through it all.
Love him fully. Know that each day is a gift. You never know about a fight in a man until he's in one. The quiet ones are normally, stronger and better at the silent attack.
Go for the second opinion, look at everything they have to say and the results. And then plan the fight. Honestly, when it came time for my grandmother (you know, my world spun around her) to get tune ups, like that silly little corroded artery needed cleaning out, she said "H**l no way. Take me a year for them to say I'm ok and can get back to my life. I don't have time for that stuff."
We all knew then it was about time, but turned our hearts on and trusted the smartest woman alive. It all came down to respecting her wishes.
She was out of her mind, she had a clear opinion about how HER life would go and we respected her wishes.
I know that brings fear, fear that you might not be ready, you might not get a chance to give your in put, fear that you might not have any control.....worse he might not either.
As much as this hurts right now, Kathy I know you. Your gift is simple, you know a good time when you are in the moment and you treasure that. This sounds silly, but it is what will keep you sane. Enjoy those small laughs and giggles. Be the hand that reaches for his when he's trying to be tough. Cry when you need to, yes even with him. Your a good woman and you tell him I said so. Thank him for raising you to become the wonderful person you are.
Have hope, know that we are all praying for you, your dad, Kenny, your mom, and Crickett.
Too much at one time, don't I know that song, you do too! So we'll sing and belt it out in harmony.
You need strength, you got it. Cry when you need to. Yes, even crying is strength. it gives our hearts a way to vent and then take a deep breath, and know that you stand in the perfect shoes. Give yourself permission to enjoy and smile, for those days count bigger in the long run.
I know your dad is scared too, or he wouldn't have told you. Stand in that very special space you each have for each other. Warm your heart in it.
You are one of the strongest woman I have ever met. The biggest heart and the laughter of a child with joy in her heart.
You will walk this path with him, but not without us.
You've got us and we're all sending you love, great thoughts of strength, and our prayers.
The moon is yours tonight, full, shining with our love for you.
Lynne
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Penguinrocks
- Posts: 703
- Joined: Thu Mar 17, 2005 6:03 pm
- Location: Massachusetts
- Contact:
My Ruby!
You always have flipper hugs!!!!
I'm so sorry bout all you're going thru. You know the old saying, "God doesn't give to one so much that they can't carry it" or something like that....I HATE that saying...
What is that supposed to mean anyway? that it's ok not to feel sorrow or guilt ...to heck with that...
YOU lean on us Ruby! I might be sore afterward, but you can lean on me Ruby...always....(sorry, just tried for a smile)....
I don't know any great words of wisdom to explain why people are idiots and would do such a terrible thing to a precious baby...
I do know what it feels like to feel helpless when it comes to the well being of a parent....
I love you Ruby and I am quiet here too, but I AM here just like you...please Ruby...cry all you want, get emotional all you want, we love you...
You always have flipper hugs!!!!
I'm so sorry bout all you're going thru. You know the old saying, "God doesn't give to one so much that they can't carry it" or something like that....I HATE that saying...
What is that supposed to mean anyway? that it's ok not to feel sorrow or guilt ...to heck with that...
YOU lean on us Ruby! I might be sore afterward, but you can lean on me Ruby...always....(sorry, just tried for a smile)....
I don't know any great words of wisdom to explain why people are idiots and would do such a terrible thing to a precious baby...
I do know what it feels like to feel helpless when it comes to the well being of a parent....
I love you Ruby and I am quiet here too, but I AM here just like you...please Ruby...cry all you want, get emotional all you want, we love you...
Beware the Penguin
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Polar Bear
- Moderator
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- Location: United Kingdom
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Rubyslipper
- Posts: 992
- Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2004 2:53 am
- Location: Missouri
need that group hug
Oh Ruby You can always be assured that you I will give you the biggest hug there is (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I am so sorry to hear about your dog and then your dad having prostrate cancer. I know just being there for him, which I know you will be, is the most important part of his life and yours too.
He will be in my prayers and just know that God will be watching over him.
Ruby, please do not be embarrassed with emotions. I am glad that you are sharing this with your family.
I love you and know that if you want to talk, I am here for you.
I am so sorry to hear about your dog and then your dad having prostrate cancer. I know just being there for him, which I know you will be, is the most important part of his life and yours too.
He will be in my prayers and just know that God will be watching over him.
Ruby, please do not be embarrassed with emotions. I am glad that you are sharing this with your family.
I love you and know that if you want to talk, I am here for you.
Charlene
Taking one day at a time
Taking one day at a time
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Walking After Midnight
- Posts: 649
- Joined: Sun Aug 21, 2005 5:23 am
- Location: Portage, Indiana
- Contact:
Move over and let me in on that too.
Ruby...I'll pray for your Dad and your family too. It's so hard to find any words but you're just a wonderful person and I know it's going to be easier on your Dad just having you around. It's really probable that your Dad just wants you there WITH him, rather than you trying to be so strong FOR him and for you.
You know that family always makes things easier and better.
Randy
Ruby...I'll pray for your Dad and your family too. It's so hard to find any words but you're just a wonderful person and I know it's going to be easier on your Dad just having you around. It's really probable that your Dad just wants you there WITH him, rather than you trying to be so strong FOR him and for you.
You know that family always makes things easier and better.
Randy
Ruby, So sorry about Sassie. Our pets have such a way of weaving themselves into the fabric or our hearts and lives.
Perhaps your dad is just trying to sort things out. And, so are you. Take the time you need and be gentle with yourself. Most importantly, whatever you decide to do will be the right thing.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Perhaps your dad is just trying to sort things out. And, so are you. Take the time you need and be gentle with yourself. Most importantly, whatever you decide to do will be the right thing.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
This post simply reflects opinion. Quantities are limited while supplies last. Some assembly required.
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lizbestill
- Posts: 52
- Joined: Sat Jun 30, 2007 3:38 am
- Location: North Carolina
Ruby, I'm so sorry to hear about your dog, they are just like one of the family and it really hurts when they're gone. I am also sorry to hear about your Dad, just keep encouraging him trying to make him strong and above all keep a positive attitude. Attitiude is one of the key factors I think. My stepfather had lung cancer many years ago and when he was diagnosed he made up his mind then that cancer will kill you and there is no cure and even after treatmens he died within months. But that is not always the case, my best friend's Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer, they removed a portion of his lung, took chemotherapy, but he was determined he would get better, that was 5 years ago. Since then he is cancer free, turned his life over to Christ and is living a full happy life. So, keep his attitude positive and I will keep you both in my prayers! Elizabeth
Sweet Ruby
How I hate to read about what's been happening to you. The loss of your beloved Cricket. I would DIE if anything happened to Willie. So, I know the love you have for Cricket. I'm so sorry. You have deepest sympathy, sweeite.
Now, your dad. Oh, I know you made a promise to him, but, honey, you need to share this for YOU. Can you talk to him and make him understand how hard this is on you? I know he's the sick one and I know how much you love your daddy. I didn't think I could stand losing my own. But, it's really unfair of him to ask you to keep this secret. He doesn't mean to be unfair and I know if you told him, I'm sure he would take back his request.
I worry about you. You need to cry, Kathy. You need to let loose and just cry. This is all part of life, and you will get through it, but it's the hard part.
God bless you, honey. You know where I am--not far away. Just click your heels three times, okay? I'm the Scarecrow, remember? I may not have a brain, but I have heart and it's hurting for you.
Love
Jannie
How I hate to read about what's been happening to you. The loss of your beloved Cricket. I would DIE if anything happened to Willie. So, I know the love you have for Cricket. I'm so sorry. You have deepest sympathy, sweeite.
Now, your dad. Oh, I know you made a promise to him, but, honey, you need to share this for YOU. Can you talk to him and make him understand how hard this is on you? I know he's the sick one and I know how much you love your daddy. I didn't think I could stand losing my own. But, it's really unfair of him to ask you to keep this secret. He doesn't mean to be unfair and I know if you told him, I'm sure he would take back his request.
I worry about you. You need to cry, Kathy. You need to let loose and just cry. This is all part of life, and you will get through it, but it's the hard part.
God bless you, honey. You know where I am--not far away. Just click your heels three times, okay? I'm the Scarecrow, remember? I may not have a brain, but I have heart and it's hurting for you.
Love
Jannie
No one is alone who had friends.
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Rubyslipper
- Posts: 992
- Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2004 2:53 am
- Location: Missouri
I thank each and every one of you for being here for me and giving me such support and love. Knowing that all of you were out there in your homes wishing me hugs has truly kept me sane.
We were invited to friends for the 4th for a fish fry and fireworks. Dad had called me earlier in the week to tell me that they were going to barbeque, did we want to come? Since we had already committed to our friends, we had to say no to Dad. Then he told me what was going on. I had to be there. So I surprised them all by showing up and we had a wonderful evening. I still made it to the friends for later (Mom and Dad don't do fireworks!) My sister and her fiance, her kids, Mom and Dad and I laughed so much! Karen and I started telling stories about when we were little--although she's really nine years younger than me. All the "bratty little sister" and "mean older sister" stories were just hilarious. I came away feeling lots better and so did Dad.
Karen (my sister) and I managed to have a secret pow-wow about how to handle all this. She's a nurse so she can stay on top of that side and I can handle the doctor visits because Dad doesn't always tell us exactly what the doctor says. So I feel even better about that.
We decided that Dad could keep his secret until the second opinion and his decision as to what to do. At that point, he has to see that his grandkids need to know what is going on and that others do too. He and my mom are such quiet, private people (how did they turn out a child like me?) that they don't even like to go to church when it's close to their birthdays because we sing to the birthday people!
I broke my promise to him again because I told Kenny. What a rock he has been! I just couldn't handle it without telling him.
Anyway, there will be tears ahead but I am feeling much stronger about it all now. I have used many of your suggestions and have even printed them out to look back at because you all are just great with your concern and love.
I miss Sassy and don't think there's another dog in my future. Poor Cricket is doing pretty good, better than I expected. At least she has Ranger the Wonder Dog to hang around.
Love you all so much. Who knew you could actually feel cyber hugs?!
We were invited to friends for the 4th for a fish fry and fireworks. Dad had called me earlier in the week to tell me that they were going to barbeque, did we want to come? Since we had already committed to our friends, we had to say no to Dad. Then he told me what was going on. I had to be there. So I surprised them all by showing up and we had a wonderful evening. I still made it to the friends for later (Mom and Dad don't do fireworks!) My sister and her fiance, her kids, Mom and Dad and I laughed so much! Karen and I started telling stories about when we were little--although she's really nine years younger than me. All the "bratty little sister" and "mean older sister" stories were just hilarious. I came away feeling lots better and so did Dad.
Karen (my sister) and I managed to have a secret pow-wow about how to handle all this. She's a nurse so she can stay on top of that side and I can handle the doctor visits because Dad doesn't always tell us exactly what the doctor says. So I feel even better about that.
We decided that Dad could keep his secret until the second opinion and his decision as to what to do. At that point, he has to see that his grandkids need to know what is going on and that others do too. He and my mom are such quiet, private people (how did they turn out a child like me?) that they don't even like to go to church when it's close to their birthdays because we sing to the birthday people!
I broke my promise to him again because I told Kenny. What a rock he has been! I just couldn't handle it without telling him.
Anyway, there will be tears ahead but I am feeling much stronger about it all now. I have used many of your suggestions and have even printed them out to look back at because you all are just great with your concern and love.
I miss Sassy and don't think there's another dog in my future. Poor Cricket is doing pretty good, better than I expected. At least she has Ranger the Wonder Dog to hang around.
Love you all so much. Who knew you could actually feel cyber hugs?!
You've always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself! (Glinda of Oz)
Hey Ruby,
I'm so sorry to hear about your double dose of bad stuff. There's no easy remedies for what you're going through right now. If there was, life would be too simple and predictable and its meaning would be considerably diminished. As stupid as that sounds I've always felt that way about misfortunes in life. Now there is one predictable thing in life you can count on...and that's all the wonderful people who love you. I'm glad to be one of them. You can be absolutely sure i'll be thinking about you.
love, mike
I'm so sorry to hear about your double dose of bad stuff. There's no easy remedies for what you're going through right now. If there was, life would be too simple and predictable and its meaning would be considerably diminished. As stupid as that sounds I've always felt that way about misfortunes in life. Now there is one predictable thing in life you can count on...and that's all the wonderful people who love you. I'm glad to be one of them. You can be absolutely sure i'll be thinking about you.
love, mike