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checking in

Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 12:45 pm
by Penguinrocks
I don't want to hijack anyone's thread. So, I'm starting a new one. Sorry if that upsets anyone.

As y'all know, I've not been posting for quite some time now. I've not even been lurking much anymore. For that, I sincerely apologize. (if anything is misspelled, I have cat sitting on my chest and arms-sorry)

I have been fighting fibro and Parkinsons conditions. the RLS is not gone, no, not gone but the fibro and the tremors are more in the forefront right now.

the pain is so severe at times that even the slightest touch to my body sends me to tears. the tremors, well, i get a lot of double letters and my right hand has turned into an automatic onion chopper...(Kathleen and my joke)...

Times sitting at the computer are pretty much cut down to work hours now as the chair there is so much better than here at home. When at work, it's hard to have time to come in and sit a spell :-)

I'm so sorry that everyone has been going thru their bad times. I am so very happy that there are people who are going thru good times (Ruby-grandbaby :-) yay!)

Things at work have become better.....the two evil people who were making my life so miserable are no longer employed! I outlasted both of them! yay for me. The "new" boss seems to be a person who will listen and he promised me that there is a new slate and we are both starting off fresh. This means a lot- I still have the trust issues to work on tho.

Kathleen is off to Germany for 3 weeks on April 5 so Iwill be losing my support system. I'm trying to be happy for her, but am being totally selfish at just how much i'm gonna be miserable with out her...i'm a bad mom...

Well, I just wanted to give you all a shout hello and somewhere out there, the penguin is still on the prowl....

I do love you all! That will never change


Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 1:54 pm
by Polar Bear
Penguin, it is difficult to let them go. My son has been in USA for over 2 years but we 'talk' via email every day, he got married out there. you will cope. It's not easy and it is all a part of the world becoming a smaller place. It's part of being a mom.

Hope your pain eases.

Good luck

Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 3:42 pm
by becat
My Penguin,

I'm so sorry to hear they handed down the dx of Parkinson's, but now my hopes and prayers are that they can help you maintain. Control those tremors as best as possible.

You never have to say sorry to any of us, we already know that we are not far from your heart and thoughts, and you the same with us. That will never change my dear friend.

Yeah Yeah OOH RAH, the new boss sounds so much better than the two you had. Better they leave than you, as I know your heart is in each case you handle. You are kind and see one's heart, and I know work like Heck to help. You mean the world to me for that, and many more reasons as well. I'm so glad, for you, that you beat them. Bout Time They hitched Up and Left Town!

I know you'll miss Kathleen, but what a great thing for her. I know it's hard to see that time coming and knowing that she will be away, but what an fantastic thing for her to get to go. I have total empty nest syndrome now and I understand your ache. The only thing that has made it better for me, is that it was my job to raise my boys to fly one day.......yes sometimes farther than I expected and so much sooner than I had hoped.

But, I did my job or the first part and the fruits of that are in their flight and I pray they glide for the most part.

Kathleen is a great kid, you have every reason to be proud and be proud of the mother that raised her. She'll never really leave you, there is a bond that is beyond mother and child. You gave her that heart by example, my friend.

I love you and we miss you, but undrestand how hard it can be to visit if not in comfort. We will always be here when you come back.

My prayers of stillness, comfort, a moon full of love and prayers for you both.

Love Lynne

Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 3:52 pm
by Polar Bear
Hi Penguin,
Lynne's last post made me think, and I hope you will also...... yes, we raised them to fly. We must have had a job well done that they are confident and able to do so. Kathleen is not gone from you, just not beside you.

love, Betty

Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 5:35 pm
by ViewsAskew
Bad mom? Bad mom????? I think not! It sounds like you're feeling guilty because you have needs and because you love her and love being around her. This doesn't make you makes you human - a loving human. It's hard being a single mom and having a child with whom you truly get along - you get close in a way that makes it hard to let them leave.

But, you know she needs to. And, you're not guilting her to stay. You're being honest about how much it hurts to lose her, especially as you have different needs now.

I can imagine how I'd feel in a similar situation. And, I know I'd feel terribly guilty. I'd want her with me all the time....and I'd know that I had to do everything I could to let her go. I'd want to keep her for myself. I'd hope, like you, that I'd have the courage to let her go. What a great example you set.

I am so happy to hear that the evil empire has collapsed. That is the best news. Well particularly because it wasn't taken over by another evil empire. That must make you feel so much better while you bide your time until you can go home to Wisconsin.

I've thought about you many times and am glad you were able to update us. I hope that your neuro is a good doctor and working with you to keep all of these under control. It sounds like being here on the board is hard, so I won't ask you to write more frequently, simply to let us know how you are when you are able.

Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 7:03 pm
by Walking After Midnight

Nice to "see" you again.


Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 10:34 pm
by Rubyslipper
Good news and bad's just so great to hear from you. It is hard to let go but you are a great mom just as Ann said and letting go is part of our job. Losing your support from her is a double-whammy though. Just know that she still loves you and knows that you need her as she needs you even if you are apart.

I've been the evil boss route, glad you outlasted him as I did mine. That will make life easier. You have to learn to take the good parts when you can and enjoy the heck out of them. Come and visit when you can. We're always here for you no matter if you post or not. You have always been here for me and I will always be here for you.

Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 11:31 pm
by jan3213
My Penguin!

I am so glad you posted, my dear friend. So sorry about the Parkinson's dx...DANG IT! I was so hoping it wouldn't come to that.

I am SO glad those two jerks are gone from your life!! And, as Ann said, so glad they weren't replaced by just another evil one! I KNOW how good you are at your job--how much you do for "our boys."

Ahh, Kathleen is growing up. What a great young woman she is. I know how you feel, sweetie. It is hard to let them go, but you wouldn't want it any other way. I know that. You want her to have a full life, to spread her wings and fly. BUT, that doesn't make it wrong for you to wish things would not happen so fast, to wish that you had her back again like she was a few years ago. I have to remind myself of that very thing. My newlyweds and my other twin daughter are planning on moving to Seattle, WA within the next year or so. That's a long way from us. When my husband retires, they want us to move out there, too. That's the plan, but not what my husband and I wanted. <sigh> Oh, well. I'm glad they want us to move there eventually

It's always good to hear from you. As Lynne said, you are always welcome--we love you here.

Love you, kiddo!


Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 1:28 pm
by Penguinrocks
Thank you for everything said....I love you all so much....

you'll never really know........


Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 6:47 pm
by becat
Oh My Dear Friend Penguin, yes we know, at least I I feel the same from you and many on this board.

No matter the miles, we stand and walk beside each other daily, even if in spirit, thought, or prayer.......the moon is full of each of us and shines for us all.

You've handed out your heart to so many here, me for one. I should do no less, than to hand my heart to you. I know you will hold it safe and with care.

As we would gladly and with honor do for you!

Hugs my friend,