Bad news for my family

Anything on your mind that isn't about WED/RLS? It's nice to realize that there is life beyond this disease and have an opportunity to get to know our online family in a different context.
becat
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Postby becat » Tue Dec 09, 2008 7:18 pm

Hey SS,

I deleted this out of my other post but see now that I should have said something, maybe.

The problem we have had when we had my husband's mom/dad/ and my grandmother, is that while they got sicker, it seemed that they got a bit more child like. It seems to come with the whole process for many, not all.

I thought at each time this happened, ok, your purpose has gone and you don't feel worthy, needed, or even have a purpose.

It made a world of difference to give them each purpose. I finally told my husband, that he needed to tell his parents that they had worth and a great purpose. We needed their wisdom about life, family, and we still needed them to help us with life.
They still had great purpose.

It helped out tons for us and I believe for them as well.

Your mom is right, just laying there my head would spin too. Find whatever she can do and give her a project.

It does not have to big or important, just make sure she understands that it's a PROJECT. For a church, the homeless, the troops, someone other than herself. Again it matters not what it is, just that it happens.

You know her heart well, and you know she loves you. I'm proud of you, too. I just wanted you to know that those are bed words (being stuck in bed, makes the brain do strange things), so don't take to heart the Off things she says.
Sounds like you listened to her with your heart, that is good.

You'll all stay in my prayers, just find the moon and be still in the shine from it.

Lynne

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ctravel12
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Postby ctravel12 » Wed Dec 10, 2008 1:08 am

Susan I know it is hard to see your mom going down. Thank goodness for Hospice. I lost my mom five (5) years and it was a blessing to have Hospice.

Please never apologize for talking about this at anytime. It is good to talk this out and we will be here for you at anytime.

You, your mom and your family are in my daily prayers.

Take care of yourself. Try not to take to heart what your mom says, I am sure she does not mean that.
Charlene
Taking one day at a time

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SquirmingSusan
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Postby SquirmingSusan » Wed Dec 10, 2008 2:35 am

Thanks again for all your support, and good thoughts, and prayers. Mom died this morning about 6:30. She told the nurses "It's time" and then told them to call me and my brother. Once she knew we were on the way, she let go. She never did like people making a fuss over her.

One thing that's nice at the hospice is that at the time of death, they light up a stained glass angel, and keep it on for the next 24 hours.

Well, it's been a long day, after a long few months. And it's going to be a long week.

Thanks again for all the love and concern.
Susan

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ctravel12
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Postby ctravel12 » Wed Dec 10, 2008 4:20 am

Oh Susan please accept my sincerest sympathy. At least your mom is at peace now and no longer in pain. Please take care of yourself.
Charlene

Taking one day at a time

ViewsAskew
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Postby ViewsAskew » Wed Dec 10, 2008 7:40 am

Susan, my heart cries for (and with) you. A rough week indeed...and probably a rough month or so. I am sure you know this, but please don't feel any obligation regarding the board until you're ready.
Ann - Take what you need, leave the rest

Managing Your RLS

Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation, and are not medical advice.

moonlight
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Postby moonlight » Wed Dec 10, 2008 5:31 pm

Susan.....Even although were thousands of miles apart....my heart goes out to you and your family...your mum is now at peace and in no more pain....please accept my heartfelt sympathy..

huggles
moonlight xxx
sleep is not only a dream

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Postby Polar Bear » Wed Dec 10, 2008 7:15 pm

Susan, I think of you, your mum will always be a memory in your heart, and an angel looking over your shoulder and smiling. xx
Betty
http://www.willis-ekbom.org/about-rls-wed/publications
Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation

becat
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Postby becat » Wed Dec 10, 2008 10:48 pm

Susan my heart felt sorrow for your loss.

An soul in heaven on your side, but one less to hold on earth.

My thoughts of peace, and prayers of love to you and your family.

It's ok that she knew and made the choice. My father in law did the very same thing. That was good by me, with the few choices he had been left to, I was happy he got to make it his day.

Hugs and so many prayers to you.

Peace be with you my dear.
Lynne

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HeatherB
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Postby HeatherB » Sat Dec 13, 2008 12:08 am

Susan, I am so sorry to hear your mother died. My heart goes out to you and your family.
I know you hurt right now, but remember this, your mother no longer does. Where ever she is she is free of all her pain, and she can be herself.

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SquirmingSusan
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Postby SquirmingSusan » Sun Dec 14, 2008 5:42 pm

Thanks again, all of you, (too tired to name all of you right now) for all the love and support and empathy. It has been a long, grueling week. But since I'm a total extrovert, and I had to talk with what seems like a million people, and then be surrounded by so many caring people at the visitation and funeral, it wasn't so hard.

It's weird, but I have an overwhelming feeling of peace, and even a quiet joy, about it all right now. I know, though, that I'll start sobbing uncontrollably in the most inappropriate places when something reminds me that mom is gone.

The most comforting thing about it all wasn't my faith, but it was the pragmatic information from the hospice. In their little book (Ann, you'd make it through it - it's only 14 pages) it talks about how, at the end of life, people start seeing loved ones who have gone before. There is a writing from Henry Van Dyke that talks about how, as we're watching her go, there are others in the next life shouting "Here she comes!" He compared death to watching a ship fade out of view over the horizon.

They way she announced to the nurses, so definitively, that it was time to go, made me sure that there was someone there to meet her and bring her home. It may sound sappy to some of you, but I know it in my heart that it's true.

Anyway, now I have time, and my mom would want me and my family to live, and party and travel. We may just go on a cruise this winter in honor of her. I think she'd be pleased with that.

Thanks again, my other family.
Susan

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HeatherB
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Postby HeatherB » Sun Dec 14, 2008 8:46 pm

Susan, it don't sound sappy at all. My uncle said when my great grandmother died she sat up in bed and said, "Allom, you came for me!" She laid back down and died. My great grandfather came back for her.

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Postby Polar Bear » Sun Dec 14, 2008 8:50 pm

Susan, I am so glad you shared your last post with us.

Especially the writings in the little hospice book. What a comfort to all of us.

I totally empathise with the feel of peace you have just now. I tell myself that my mum and dad are watching and especially watching their grandchildren with pride, these grandchildren of whom they were so proud and who were just starting 3rd level university education and they never got to see their achievements.

I can just see my dad giving the thumbs up, sitting in his chair up there, with his chest going up and down in silent laughter at some bit of wit that he has still to share with us.

I believe that your mom will be pain free and happy and looking over your shoulder with love, as you celebrate her life.
Betty
http://www.willis-ekbom.org/about-rls-wed/publications
Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation

ViewsAskew
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Postby ViewsAskew » Mon Dec 15, 2008 6:59 am

Susan, since I started crying reading you explain it, I don't think I could see the words to make it through, lol.

But, how wonderful that it was so helpful. I just love it when people do a good job at things. What a great place that was.

I'm envious of your attitude - it sounds like the place we all want to be. Missing our loved one at times, but being at peace with it all.
Ann - Take what you need, leave the rest



Managing Your RLS



Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation, and are not medical advice.

becat
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Postby becat » Mon Dec 15, 2008 5:20 pm

SS, I would agree, hospice made a huge difference.

During the last 16 days of her life I was blessed to be by my very Beloved Grandmother's side. My life long best friend.

She could not talk, but I understood exactly what she needed or wanted.

The hospice people were angels on earth for us. Yes, I loved the handbook, as well.

Valentines night, was just less than 2 days before she passed. for 45 minutes my aunts, uncle, mom, and I watched a parade of angels, sights more lovely than what life on earth could have produced, and family come by to visit my grandmother. A very large wall right in front of her. 16 or 18 feet tall, it was like a screen for her. No we never saw a thing.

Just through my grandmothers face, her eyes, and the smiles so hard for her to make. 45 minutes we all watched as nothing, but something entered the room one at a time.

It was the most breathless moment in my life, thus far.

I'm glad someone was there to lead her over.

I wish you well. Even past the moments that the tears flow heavy and strong.
Blessings be with you. And for your loss, I am so sorry. But honestly, a bit better knowing that you have hospice on your side for a while now.

Hugs
Lynne

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ctravel12
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Postby ctravel12 » Wed Dec 17, 2008 6:24 pm

Susan I had someone send me this poem when my mom past away. I hope that you do not mine me sending this to you.

Charlene

When tomorrow starts without me, and I'm not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry the way you did today,
while thinking of the many things we didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me, as much as I love you,
and each time you think of me I know you'll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand,
that an angel came and called my name and took me by the hand,
and said my place was ready in heaven far above,
and that I'd have to leave behind all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away, a tear fell from my eye,
for all life, I'd always thought I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for and so much yet to do,
it seemed almost impossible that I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays, the good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared and all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday, I thought, just for awhile,
I'd say goodbye and kiss you and maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized that this could never be,
for emptiness and memories would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things that I'd miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did, my heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through heaven's gates, I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me, from His great golden throne,
He said, "This is eternity and all I've promised you".
Today for life on earth is past but here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow, but today will always last,
and since each day's the same day, there's no longing for the past.
But you have been so faithful, so trusting, and so true.
Though there were times you did some things you knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven and now at last you’re free.
So won't you take my hand and share my life with me?
So when tomorrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart,
for every time you think of me, I'm right here in your heart.
Last edited by ctravel12 on Sat Dec 27, 2008 10:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Charlene

Taking one day at a time


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