Just Rambling = go to doc/don't go to doc ???

Post by **ViewsAskew** » Sat Oct 04, 2008 6:48 pm

Oooo, what a rude young woman she is!

I've lived in office spaces with people like that and you're damned if you do, damned if you don't! Makes it very difficult. You can try to talk with her with an intermediary, but I doubt it will change anything. So, you try to live with it...except it isn't fun!

I used to have a boss that made my stomach knot each time I thought of her, let alone saw her or had to listen to her yell at me. She was so arbitrary.... A friend at the time taught me an exercise to help. Each night, I'd think of what a horrible life she must have, how unhappy she must be. And then I'd ask the Universe to send her what she needed to be more happy. If a person were religious, they could ask their god to help the person, I imagine. It did help me to frame her in a new way. It wasn't so helpful when I was in the moment, but it did help me "let go" of worrying about her so frequently.

Aiken · Post by **Aiken** » Sun Oct 05, 2008 6:44 am

Polar Bear wrote:... she will answer in a clipped fashion rather than what she actually says. Is most unhelpful, given that she is the most 'computer minded' in the office,

I'm not addressing her overt rudeness, which is her own problem to defend or apologize for, but I'd like to step up and offer a little insight as to this specific passage.

When you're the technical go-to person, it can get tough to present a consistently pleasant demeanor, at least as far as how it is received by other people. Your day and work are constantly interrupted, which is intrinsically aggravating, even if not intended. Also, you're typically interrupted by people who usually cannot express their problem to you in a way you can understand. If they could, they could probably fix it themself. This is also very frustrating, as the other person figures you're so well-educated on the subject that you must understand them, no matter how off-base their terminology and assumptions are. When you look dumbfounded, they figure you're brushing them off, insulting them, pretending not to know so you don't have to help them, and a dozen other variations on the theme. And then, when you finally figure out what the problem is and tell them how to solve it, they seldom understand the solution, for the same reasons. Then you have to go with them and spend even more time solving it for them. Then, two weeks later, they will come to you with exactly the same problem, and expect you to happily repeat the entire process. Meanwhile, you're late on your own deadline, and nobody quantifies all the time spent on this stuff, so you just look bad.

Have a heart and cut us some slack if we're terse, if we interrupt you to ask for clarification or for you to get to the point, if we say we don't understand what you're asking, and so on.

Post by **Polar Bear** » Sun Oct 05, 2008 11:02 am

Hi Views, you have said it all. Talking through an intermediary is not an option. She has an attitude. it is her personality, and I have to let go of it when I am not at work at stop worrying.

Aiken, I apologise for not making myself clear with regard to her being the most computer minded member of staff. Especially as you have gone to the trouble of such an observant response.
She is not a technical go to person as such, I am talking about perhaps one question every couple of weeks, just as a colleague and not necessarily from me, such as can I save this now??? (not a good example)
Her attitude existed before we got our new software package which has prompted occasional questions.

Also her workload has reduced cos of credit crunch and she is the least pressed person in the office.

I reckon we have a personality clash, don't know.

Thanks all.

WAM · Post by **WAM** » Mon Oct 06, 2008 3:21 am

Hiya Betty
Life is the same everywhere aint it?
I've got a co worker that gets on my nerves so bad sometimes, I think I've actually reported off just to have a day away.

Made me wonder, do you work 8 hour days over yonder across the pond, forty hour weeks and all that? Aint it nice that it only lasts 8 hours and then you get to be with people you choose to be with?

Aiken · Post by **Aiken** » Mon Oct 06, 2008 7:36 am

Betty--

Ah, okay. In that case, I think you're totally entitled to continue thinking she's an idiot.

Post by **Polar Bear** » Mon Oct 06, 2008 8:27 am

Yes WAM, its an 8 hour day, tho now its a 3 day week, and I work only two of those with the source of my difficulty.
And Aiken, you've got it.

However, its my own dealing with this, within myself , that is my concern. I love just doing the 3 days per week (imposed since credit crunch) . But at the moment I would nearly rather be in work working through the situation, than feeling sick worrying about what it will be like in work.

What a mix of emotions us women are. I think men deal with these matters better.

Neco · Post by **Neco** » Mon Oct 06, 2008 10:25 am

My advice, is to just let it be..

You already have spoken with your boss, and he has indicated that you are a good employee that he values, and he is likely on your side since he also seemed to indicate he HAS gotten complaints about her attitude.

So just let it be, and ignore her.. All she wants is attention and to feel special and fussed over in the first place. She is not the center of the Universe, but it appears that based on her performance and efficiency contributions to the job, she feels she is somehow entitled to a higher status and allowed to get away with whatever..

That's usually how it works, no matter her actual level of knowledge with machines, she clearly believes she is the person everyone asks for advice, and has taken advantage of that perception.

One day she will get a rude awakening, when the boss no longer puts up with her crap, and she will be fired or asked to leave for whatever reason, most likely related to something like her attitude finally contaminating the office performance as a whole. So then it will be time to hit the road, and you can smile sweetly and tell her as she leaves, "good luck with your next job, hopefully it will last longer because you get a clue and develop some social skills".

Post by **Polar Bear** » Mon Oct 06, 2008 2:04 pm

Zach, Zach... you have it. I take your entire post on board.

What I have been doing is letting her attitude to me be the centre of my universe these last few days. And in doing that it is ruining my time off, and spoiling my daily joys.

OK, this is the deal. Other people deal with this sort of thing, and much worse, all of the time. I just hate conflict, but this Polar Bear is just going to have to get tough!! That is, tough as in thicker skinned.

What I musn't do is lose my temper, my very best friend of 30 years has only seen me lose it twice . Once with a boss about 20 years ago, I said a lot and actually kicked his desk while he was sitting at it... you know that red mist that comes over. He had been so unfair that I had to say something, and my best friend who worked with me at the time, stood behind me and said 'That goes for me too'. Wasn't she the brave one!! :wink:

We still laugh about it. He actually apologised for his behaviour - tho could have gone the other way.

Mind you I can remember how glorious it was, that feeling of 'hang the consequences'.

Just think, if I didn't have rls, I wouldn't have met all you folks.

Thanks everyone.

Aiken · Post by **Aiken** » Mon Oct 06, 2008 10:14 pm

Polar Bear wrote:Mind you I can remember how glorious it was, that feeling of 'hang the consequences'.

Boy, ain't that the truth.

Post by **ViewsAskew** » Mon Oct 06, 2008 11:07 pm

That really is interesting as to how that can feel soooo delicious! Especially when it could have dire consequences...you'd think our brain chemistry wouldn't reward us for such "in your face" behavior, lol.

becat · Post by **becat** » Tue Oct 07, 2008 2:06 am

PB I'm just here to say Your No Wimp my dear.

And I'm sending you as many hugs as I can get in before the rain tonight.
However, it will be clear tomorrow and I'll fill the moon full of muscle and love.

Hang in there our darlin across the pond.

Lynne

Post by **Polar Bear** » Sun Oct 12, 2008 10:31 am

Hi folks, to get back to the original base of this thread, I have gotten blood results from the doc most of which are normal. Protein/FB Count/Thyroid/Rheumatic/Liver Antibodies/Auto Antibodies, all normal.

My ESR level is 36 which I understand is a marker for an inflammation.

I have now been given dates for two tests, a treadmill on 20 Oct,and an endoscopy in the middle of November.

I had planned on waiting until these tests were done before returning to my GP. But now I'm wondering if an ESR level of 36 merits a return sooner than end Nov.

See how I think you guys can give an answer to just about everything :roll:

Aiken · Post by **Aiken** » Sun Oct 12, 2008 9:17 pm

PB--

Do you have arthritis? That might explain the ESR. I don't know much about ESR other than that, though.

Post by **Polar Bear** » Sun Oct 12, 2008 10:22 pm

Hi Aiken,

I googled ESR and it seems it is an indication, but could be an indication for just about anything. - just inflammation.

Yeah, I have aches and pains, but not officially arthritis.

A nurse friend says a simple cold, or slight infection would give a high reading, as could something serious, so it is a reading that can mean something or nothing. I reckon a series of them would be needed to show if a high ESR is or was just a blip, or a permanent thing.

Thankyou.

Rubyslipper · Post by **Rubyslipper** » Mon Oct 13, 2008 12:47 am

Polar Bear, so sorry that you are having such a tough time right now. I'm not an expert in any of the areas you are dealing with but have had some experience of my own.

As for the rude young lady; thankfully I now have my own tiny little office and so don't have to deal with people so closely any more.
It doesn't seem to matter where you work, there is always someone who gives you trouble. I had a boss that literally made me sick to my stomach anytime I had to deal with him. He finally upset enought people that they revolted and he was fired. Now the office has one lady on probation (her work skills are pathetic), one who delights in creating turmoil in the office, one who spends most of her day writing stories, one who will stab you in the back with one hand and give you flowers with another. I finally decided that I would deal with my own problems and do my best to ignore the ones who just drive me crazy. I'm just not noble enough to think what they may be facing at home. Deal with it and treat your co-workers with respect. Not a very nice attitude but I get tired of feeling like I've been run ver by a truck.

Speaking of which, the fibromyalgia discussion has been interesting. I'm glad your dr is doing all he can to find out what is wrong. Second and third opinions are always good--unless none of them agree and you are left wondering who to trust. I have fibro and many of your symptoms are consistant with that, just as they are for several other disorders. So much of what we can have overlaps until we can never be quite sure what our problem is. Amitryptaline (sp?) is just one course of help for fibro and it isn't necessarily a good course of action if you have RLS.

I hope they find the problem and get you all fixed up. You are a sweet person who cares about the rest of us just as we care for you. Keep us posted on what you find out. If it turns out to be fibro, please let me know and we can share stories!