Posting and stuff

[ViewsAskew]

Zach, you bring up an interesting dilemma about religion.

And, I am now taking off the moderator tag and speaking as Ann, the member.

I am going to potentially put my foot in my mouth here, but please know I am trying to be careful.

We are not all religious in this world. Yes, the vast majority are, but there are many more religions than Christianity. It seems that I see a double standard here. We have many people who invoke God here - in what most would say is a "positive" way and in a Christian way. But, I am guessing none of the people who do this have asked themselves if that could be offensive to those who either do not believe or believe in something completely different.

If those who are not religious can be tolerant of those who are, then can't it go vice versa? So, either we all get to invoke our perceptions of God as we choose...or none of us do.

This is a terribly sticky subject. I have erased what I've typed, multiple times! I am leaving it because I almost see it as a type of prejudice against those who are not what we are and I think we do need to hear Zach and what he's saying.

[Neco]

And just to make it clear, hearing about God from anyone doesn't offend me at all.

I am for the most part, agnostic.. For those who don't know what that means, I'm basically sitting on the fence.. I have no real opinion one way or the other whether or not God exists. If I die and he is there, so be it; and if he is really so benevolent and loving then I he should be happy that then and there I see and acknowledge his existance, knowing he could have easily truly spoken to me at any point in my life if he felt it necesarry...

If I die and everything is black; I guess I won't be complaining will I? And for me when I invoke the term "God" I do it in a universal way.. I'm not concerned with whose God it is, and what religion is formed around God. For all we know at the root of all world religion is the same god with many different cultural interpretations of who and what he is.. After all, for the most part God is a universal idea, so I refer to him with no prejudice for or against any religion.

I've made posts for and against God, but more often than not his is on the receiving end of my sarcasm. It's not really a big deal to me at this point to demand that I be allowed to trash God on this forum.. That's not what I'm about.

But, I thank you for reading and considering my viewpoints. I have a tendency to rock the boat, but I don't necessarily want it to tip over seeing as I'm still in it. I think that you admit you have erased and retyped in your reply speaks to the heart of what I was trying to point out.

[Hos]

Aiken, could you please get rid of that green hair on your picture avatar? It's kinda distracting.

Thanks.

Tazzer, could you please not use huge fonts when you post? It's kinda distracting.

Thanks.

Classic! You know, we all have pride and fight it daily. I know in my job I investigate complaints all day and pride is the main underlying issue (along with fear.) Pride is not conducive to a support group board. It takes all kinds for we're a diverse group.

Downplaying ED can be seen as offensive to a few (oh well) as can slamming God. I'm not sure how praising God can be offensive unless one feels that God is ...evil, for if God doesn't exist to them then why would they be offended to a non-issue, there's no proselytizing, right?

What I'm saying is that there's a fine line about what is offensive but we need to STOP our pride and let it go, which goes for many of the posts I've read in the threads in question. Let's read the intent (ED is a sympathetic problem whereas RLS still doesn't have the same level of respect) and not the verbiage which is annoying or the big type which is annoying, but, oh well. I trust that the moderators would talk to Taz if she attacked a perticualr member but that didn't happen (this time) .

Ann, (I think) you previously asked what is the best rule of how to moderate. Personally, I don't ever post anything to anyone that I would not, in turn, get my own pride up if it were told to me. Hmm, I like that, think I'll call it the Golden Rule...

Ann (and Becat) do (did) a great job at moderating for you can only please the majority, and hope the fringe will follow.

[ViewsAskew]

Interesting post, Hos. I know it's not commonly talked about, but in the sales field that have what is called the Platinum Rule (a doctor wrote a book about it and it's often used in sales classes).

It says, "treat others the way you think they want to be treated." See, I might not get offended at all if someone told me something, so I'd figure since I don't get offended, I'd can say it. Conversely, maybe something that bothers me doesn't bother the next person, so I don't say it because I think it would hurt them.

Either way, even though I'm being thoughtful, I could be wrong - and could either hurt someone inadvertently or miss an opportunity by hanging back.

I've sure been wrong a lot of times, but I think that what this is all about is trying to remember that we're not all the same and that trying to put ourselves in the other person's shoes is a good idea. Maybe you start by asking, "Huh, would I like that?" And then you continue with, "Maybe I would, but would he or she like that?"

I don't always remember. Sometimes I think I'm doing great and I find out I really blew it. Other times I just don't see how my words sound typed - they sure sounded OK in my head as I was typing them! I think we need a type delay (get it? Tape delay, type delay, ha ha).

In a situation like this, there is something else that would go a long way to helping. When you read a post, what do you expect? If you expect niceness, you'll probably see it. If you expect a fight, you'll probably see that. Sure, some of us see things very neutrally, but often our perceptions color what we think about something.

So, the next time I read a post and I think I see something that could be negative, I'm going to read it again and try to see it from that person's perspective - sort of the mirror of the Platinum Rule. Maybe they were tired, or sad, or just typed the wrong word. And then, I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt.

Hopefully I'll remember that for more than just the first post I read, lol.

[sardsy75]

I don't always remember. Sometimes I think I'm doing great and I find out I really blew it. Other times I just don't see how my words sound typed - they sure sounded OK in my head as I was typing them! I think we need a type delay (get it? Tape delay, type delay, ha ha)

Heya

Ann, your "type delay" is something I automatically do. If a contentious topic comes up or if I receive an email i'm not sure how to respond to, i'll type whatever is on my mind at the time ... then I "Stick it in the Top Drawer" i.e. I save it to somewhere on my Desktop, go away and do something else for a while, be it 10mins or a few hours, then come back.

When I reopen the file, I reread the topic/email, then reread my response. If it requires fine-tuning or a complete re-type I know I haven't trodden on any toes or made a complete fool of myself. Yes, I will admit that I've typed whatever's on my mind, hit send and then thought "oh bugga" that's not what I meant!

I've sometimes retyped/fine-tuned numerous times before I feel that my response is right. I do all of this in good ol MS Word.

So, yeah, "The top drawer method" ... been using it for years. Came in handy especially when I was working at the University and I would be dragged into so many arguments political or "mine's bigger than yours".

Zach, hope you understood my message to you. If not, let me know. I don't bite all the time lol.

Take care all

[ViewsAskew]

I can understand why you'd feel that way. I'll talk to the other mods.

[Sojourner]

In the interim, let me try something novel.

Please do not post to this thread. If you would like to continue the discussion please start up another thread.

[SquirmingSusan]

I understand, too, Aiken how this could totally get on your nerves. We'll see what we can do to untangle it or lock it or whatever.

[ViewsAskew]

Moderators agreed: post was split and original post is locked. This thread is for discussing how we post, what this means to us, how we work together, etc.

[Aiken]

Thanks, guys. It was really getting upsetting.

By the way, referring back to the recent suggestion to read your own post as someone else would, I was once given a similar suggestion at work. It's actually for how to speak to someone you may have offended, intentionally or not, or whom you are afraid of offending, intentionally or not. My job involves artists and engineers, who are traditionally oil and water, so this happens a lot.

Assume (for the purposes of choosing words) that the other person dislikes you, and thinks that you dislike them, too, and that in order to communicate with them, you're going to have to get past that. If the other person does dislike you, it may help to speak to them with extra respect and care, and if they don't, they might at least feel that you honor them and will be more willing to take in what you have to say without bristling.

It's harder to do it on a forum, as the consequences on a forum tend to be a lot less dire, and thus you're less likely to think ahead, but it's a decent way to look at it if you do remember. (Unfortunately, I seldom remember and often screw up.)

[Polar Bear]

.... we all screw up at times.....

And I mean that in life in general.... definitely not to any one person.

Aiken, like the ativar.

[ViewsAskew]

We do all screw up at times, don't we? Seems that would be great to add to our list of things to think about before we go off on someone. It's just hard, when your emotions are involved, to remember all the things you need to...

[sardsy75]

Life wouldn't be as interesting as it gets if we didn't screw up sometimes. Heck, I suffer from foot in mouth at least once a week ... ok ... once a day when things get hairy.

As an old friend of mine once said, you only get once chance at this ride called life, so try to make the best of it.

Aiken, glad you're feeling a lil less like a target, if I was a part of what was upsetting you, I do apologise.

Take care all