A poem I wrote about my views of my psychiatric care

[moonlight]

COLD CRY IN THE MORNING
(I'm not just a number)



Another morning
Another day
Sometimes I wish
I could sleep away

Asleep I am free
From this torturous pain
Then I awake
and it starts all over again

They say I'm bipolar
Then they say I'm not
I really don't think
They know what I've got

I don't tick all the right boxes
So it is said
But the one that I will
Will be the one when I'm dead

I don't think she listened
to one word I said
About any of the feelings
Screwing up my head

Do they know what this is doing to me?
Do they even care?
I don't think so
It's so unfair

I agreed to medication
for the first time ever
But she wasn't really listening
and that's not very clever

It's my body were talking about
I don't want it mucked up
I have to live with it
and I may run out of luck

We spoke of anti-psychotics
A definite ..NO!
What they can do to you
Is somewhere I don't want to go

We spoke of antidepressants
of which my fear is slightly less
But which one is best
is anyone's guess

I agreed to tests
for this and that
Loads of blood
For the vampire bat

Later I looked at the letters
I was given
and was so upset
At what I saw written

I hadn't agreed
to an anti-psychotic
I'd stated most definitely
It was not what I wanted

I picked up the phone
Relayed my fears
Told them ..no way!
Without any tears

What will happen now
Is anyone's guess
But lets just say
I'm not very impressed

My emotions are all over the place
Stinging tears streaming down my face
I exist, not live
and can't do for much longer
So please get it right

I am not just a number




this was written back in September when i was in a very depressive episode...i am now a lot better and dare i say it
a lot more confident....but i will add no thanks to my pdoc

rant over!

[Polar Bear]

Very moving.

[Chipmunk]

I share many of your feelings. Thank you for posting this.

[wabbit]

A beautiful poem I can relate to. I'm not good at reading poetry but this one touched my heart and brought tears because I know the meaning behind the words. WED is an awful disease that people and doctors do not understand. Doctors may be book smart but they do not know everything. Doctors, if they are willing, learn from patients.

[ViewsAskew]

Juanita, well said!

[Polar Bear]

I'm glad this got a wee bump to the fore again.

[pamndorr]

Very nice poem....sounds like my life with Drs and meds.