jy13131 wrote:Oh rthom I am really feeling for you. I had a suicide attempt due to depression 5 years ago and I am very grateful today to be alive. I am a pain in the butt for my children in many ways and have caused trauma to them with my diseases and disorders. Things have changed in 5 years and I can see that ALL OF IT is meant to be the journey that my family and loved ones walk together. My issues have made my kids stronger in their adulthood. Now some counseling along the way happened for sure. What I know with absolute 100% certainty looking back is that a completed suicide would have destroyed a part of my children's souls forever, with no opportunity to intervene or redeem. I feel ashamed....but mostly grateful when I think of that time in my life. You have no idea if things are going to change and how they will change. There may be a cure one day. Don't underestimate your importance as a presence in this life for you kids, family, even how you support people with our disease. I like some of the ideas suggested. I HEAR YOU ARE SUFFERING. You are important to your family. Hang in there friend.
I typed up a very similar post a couple of days ago but the browser crashed and I didn't have the energy to re-type it. For me it was four years ago and I can't think about the unspeakable tragedy for my children had I succeeded. No matter what state you are in, at least you are there to meet their girlfriends, wives, children. You can tell stories about their babyhood and how you met their mom, your first job, your health history and all that other stuff that no one else can know like you. They need you because you're you, and no one else can take your place.
Counseling is a great idea. Don't be afraid to keep trying new counselors until you find one you click with.