Separation anxiety
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Rubyslipper
- Posts: 992
- Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2004 2:53 am
- Location: Missouri
Separation anxiety
Just found out that our pregnant daughter and hubby are probably moving to Arkansas in the next couple of months. It's only a four hour drive there but this is our first grandbaby and none of my family has ever lived more than an hour away. If you know me well (and most of you do) you know that my family means everything to me. Gosh, sounds like someone is dying instead of moving! That's what it feels like too. We won't know for a couple of weeks yet so things could change. I'm not suppposed to tell anyone around here until they know for sure but thankfully I have all of you to talk to. The weather has changed (again!) and it is snowing just a little. That always just kills me because of the fibro. So I'm pretty low today. Any words of advice would be appreciated. I know there are others who have family far away and deal with it just fine. We don't even know for sure if they are leaving and still my heart is breaking.
You've always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself! (Glinda of Oz)
My dearest hugs to you ((((((RUBY)))))
This is not wonderful news, but the reality of us being parents is, that our job was to raise them to fly. I'm still somewhat in the "looking forward" to that time. I know I'm kidding myself, it will be harder than raising them, because I love them.
I can only imagen what a great Mom your are, knowing how easiely you gave me my wings. Your love is never miles or hours away. Your daughter will need your support now, more than ever. Yes, and tears are ok too! You've done a great job raising those kiddos, you love them openly. Take pride in the fact that you've brought them this far and they prosper. And kick and scream if you wanna.
Times are not like they use to be. When families stayed (could stay) close and help raise the grandkids, nieces, nephews. Most of us don't often get a good choice on jobs or the future. That is not to say you can't stay close.
With technology being what it is, you can sit on the computer and see your grandkis, hear them, and be involved.
I think 4 hours is ok, not too bad. You'll be able to drive that no problem. The car time might be good for long calm talks as well, easing things in other parts of your life.
I understand the weather. It's a thankful thing, the rain and cool temps. here in Dallas. However, tell my legs and body that its' ok to be well and sleep is normal. I'm with ya babe!
Now, my sweet gem slippered dear, you sit and paint this out. Make a raffle gift...better yet, make a house warming gift if they go, a glad to keep gift if they stay, or something only "GrandMa" could make for the gift coming.
I love you and my moon is with you always.
Lynne
This is not wonderful news, but the reality of us being parents is, that our job was to raise them to fly. I'm still somewhat in the "looking forward" to that time. I know I'm kidding myself, it will be harder than raising them, because I love them.
I can only imagen what a great Mom your are, knowing how easiely you gave me my wings. Your love is never miles or hours away. Your daughter will need your support now, more than ever. Yes, and tears are ok too! You've done a great job raising those kiddos, you love them openly. Take pride in the fact that you've brought them this far and they prosper. And kick and scream if you wanna.
Times are not like they use to be. When families stayed (could stay) close and help raise the grandkids, nieces, nephews. Most of us don't often get a good choice on jobs or the future. That is not to say you can't stay close.
With technology being what it is, you can sit on the computer and see your grandkis, hear them, and be involved.
I think 4 hours is ok, not too bad. You'll be able to drive that no problem. The car time might be good for long calm talks as well, easing things in other parts of your life.
I understand the weather. It's a thankful thing, the rain and cool temps. here in Dallas. However, tell my legs and body that its' ok to be well and sleep is normal. I'm with ya babe!
Now, my sweet gem slippered dear, you sit and paint this out. Make a raffle gift...better yet, make a house warming gift if they go, a glad to keep gift if they stay, or something only "GrandMa" could make for the gift coming.
I love you and my moon is with you always.
Lynne
Ruby (((((((((((((((((((((((((RUBY)))))))))))))))))))))))
Life just doesn't seem quite fair, sometimes. You have waited for this time---this new grandchild---to come. The wait hasn't been easy, I know And, now---your daughter and her family may move. I know there are worse things--farther distances---but that doesn't make your sadness any LESS. It is real and it is totally understandable.
You have raised three wonderful daughters and you have raised them to be independent youg women. You have given them wings to fly, just as Becat said. Yet, you are still their mother (and soon to be GRANDMOTHER) and you will miss your daughter at this time. I know you are a close-knit family and it's going to be hard. Just another "thing" to show us that sometimes things don't turn out quite like we thought they would.
Change! Sometimes I hate that word---sometimes, I really like that word. Becat, as always, had some very wise things to say to you. This change won't be easy (if it happens), but it may be good in a different way. Sometimes, as strange as this may sound, distance brings a little more "closeness". Your time together will be even more precious and, if I remember correctly (it's been a long time!), as a young mother, I didn't always appreciate the help of my mother becuse I wanted to prove myself. If your daughter is not close in proximity to you, you may not have this "problem". You may not have had it anyway, but I think she'll appreciate her mother even more because you're not around the corner.
And, Becat's right about technology. Get yourself a headset and a little camera for your computer (they don't cost very much at all). Heck, give her one as a present. You can talk to your daughter and see your grandchild when you can't see them in person.
Bless your heart! We're here for you and I'm so glad you told us. I don't know if what I said helped or not, but I do know that my heart was in my words and I do understand.
Great big hugs!
Jannie
P.S. Stupid fibro!!! We're supposed to get snow later on this week and I'll feel every flake. Keep warm, keep your chin up and we love you!!!!
Life just doesn't seem quite fair, sometimes. You have waited for this time---this new grandchild---to come. The wait hasn't been easy, I know And, now---your daughter and her family may move. I know there are worse things--farther distances---but that doesn't make your sadness any LESS. It is real and it is totally understandable.
You have raised three wonderful daughters and you have raised them to be independent youg women. You have given them wings to fly, just as Becat said. Yet, you are still their mother (and soon to be GRANDMOTHER) and you will miss your daughter at this time. I know you are a close-knit family and it's going to be hard. Just another "thing" to show us that sometimes things don't turn out quite like we thought they would.
Change! Sometimes I hate that word---sometimes, I really like that word. Becat, as always, had some very wise things to say to you. This change won't be easy (if it happens), but it may be good in a different way. Sometimes, as strange as this may sound, distance brings a little more "closeness". Your time together will be even more precious and, if I remember correctly (it's been a long time!), as a young mother, I didn't always appreciate the help of my mother becuse I wanted to prove myself. If your daughter is not close in proximity to you, you may not have this "problem". You may not have had it anyway, but I think she'll appreciate her mother even more because you're not around the corner.
And, Becat's right about technology. Get yourself a headset and a little camera for your computer (they don't cost very much at all). Heck, give her one as a present. You can talk to your daughter and see your grandchild when you can't see them in person.
Bless your heart! We're here for you and I'm so glad you told us. I don't know if what I said helped or not, but I do know that my heart was in my words and I do understand.
Great big hugs!
Jannie
P.S. Stupid fibro!!! We're supposed to get snow later on this week and I'll feel every flake. Keep warm, keep your chin up and we love you!!!!
No one is alone who had friends.
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Penguinrocks
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Rubyslipper
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- Location: Missouri
Thanks to my precious friends. My head knows all you have said is right, but my heart hasn't figured it out yet. BUT I have already decided to start saving money for a new computer because this one won't do any of the things I will need it to do if they move. I've already told the hubby that he either puts in a new transmission on this car or buys me a new one because I am about to embark on many long road trips. WAM, wish you were closer to help with that transmission part!!! This is not an easy thing for me to handle but it could be so much worse. Things are going well with her pregnancy and she is excited about this big step in her career. It will be a pain in the a@$ for Jay as he has one more semester after this so will have to drive back and forth. He will stay with us three days and then drive back. If he doesn't, he'll have to start all over at another college. It really coudn't have happened at a worse time for them but it will all work out. Thanks for the hugs and support, I am so thankful for you all!!!
You've always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself! (Glinda of Oz)
Dear Ruby, My heart goes out to you, I miss my daughters so much. Its been almost 4 years since I have seen my oldest daughter and her son he is 5 now and doesnt even know me. And my new grandaughter I have only met once. I know how hard it is. But I tell you one thing I would give anything if they were only 4 hours away................I know it sounds like a long way but when your looking at 1200 its a skip jump and hop..... You try and keep you chin up hon they havent left let things can change in a heartbeat.................................. Lyndarae
(((((((((((BIG HUG)))))))))))))))))))))))
Been there, still there and it is the pits.
(((((((((((((((BIG HUG)))))))))))))))))))))
Yes you will make those trips.... and it will be worth all the recovery time you have to endure when you are back home ... thankfully medication has helped me a great deal in making those trips (with the fibro, rls, etc ...)
Ah Ruby, me too, I grew up within minutes of my family, always could see G-parents, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins on a daily basis... it was a huge adjustment for me when my daughter and her family decided to settle in another area.
The computer has been a source of comfort! Those emails, scanned art work, pictures, help a lot. And the long telephone calls.
((((((((((((BIG HUG))))))))))))))))))))
And their visits! Let me tell you grandchildren no matter where they are love to go to Grandmas! So you will always feel special no matter where they are!
It is not easy, there are times you want to reach out and hold them, give them comfort, physically, but you can't. That is when I really have to meditate! and remember to Breathe!
(((((((((((((((BIG HUG)))))))))))))))
Love Hazel
Been there, still there and it is the pits.
(((((((((((((((BIG HUG)))))))))))))))))))))
Yes you will make those trips.... and it will be worth all the recovery time you have to endure when you are back home ... thankfully medication has helped me a great deal in making those trips (with the fibro, rls, etc ...)
Ah Ruby, me too, I grew up within minutes of my family, always could see G-parents, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins on a daily basis... it was a huge adjustment for me when my daughter and her family decided to settle in another area.
The computer has been a source of comfort! Those emails, scanned art work, pictures, help a lot. And the long telephone calls.
((((((((((((BIG HUG))))))))))))))))))))
And their visits! Let me tell you grandchildren no matter where they are love to go to Grandmas! So you will always feel special no matter where they are!
It is not easy, there are times you want to reach out and hold them, give them comfort, physically, but you can't. That is when I really have to meditate! and remember to Breathe!
(((((((((((((((BIG HUG)))))))))))))))
Love Hazel
Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation.
Music can be made anywhere, is invisible and does not smell. --W H Auden
Music can be made anywhere, is invisible and does not smell. --W H Auden
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Rubyslipper
- Posts: 992
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THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. I think I may live after all. Ask me again when they actually leave though. I have decided that I am going to save every penny I can for a new computer. If I keep planning, my heart doesn't have time to think about it. And Lyndarae I know you are right, 4 hours is nothing. I have to do a different mindset is all. What would I do without all of you to keep me on that Yellow Brick Road?
You've always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself! (Glinda of Oz)
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ViewsAskew
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It's funny, all that is required (often) to get through our RLS is a different mindset. When I read that, I started to think about how true it is for most things in life. It's just so hard to let go of things to allow ourselves to get to that mindset.
It seems to me that fear is what it is all about. When we can name our fears, face them, and act outside of them, we can regain some of the happiness in our lives. Ruby, I'm guessing you are very afraid. Afraid of what life looks like without your daughter living close to you. Afraid of what might, or might not, happen. Sometimes, just sometimes, getting to the other side is as simple as looking the fear right in the face and accepting it. That alone can make a huge difference.
Just thinking on the keyboard again.
Ann
It seems to me that fear is what it is all about. When we can name our fears, face them, and act outside of them, we can regain some of the happiness in our lives. Ruby, I'm guessing you are very afraid. Afraid of what life looks like without your daughter living close to you. Afraid of what might, or might not, happen. Sometimes, just sometimes, getting to the other side is as simple as looking the fear right in the face and accepting it. That alone can make a huge difference.
Just thinking on the keyboard again.
Ann
Ann - Take what you need, leave the rest
Managing Your RLS
Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation, and are not medical advice.
Managing Your RLS
Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation, and are not medical advice.
You are so right Ann.
Fear is the mind killer....I will face my fear I will permit it to pass over me and through me and when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path-where fear has gone there will be nothing Only I will remain. got to love Frank Herbert, I learned alot from Dune!
And how our mindset is affected by insufficient sleep!
Ruby, computers are getting less expensive every day! And honestly, good ole letters are a treasure too! My grandchildren love post cards, so I send them whenever we travel, and I send them even when we dont! Children love getting mail! Heck I like getting mail!
Love Hazel
Fear is the mind killer....I will face my fear I will permit it to pass over me and through me and when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path-where fear has gone there will be nothing Only I will remain. got to love Frank Herbert, I learned alot from Dune!
And how our mindset is affected by insufficient sleep!
Ruby, computers are getting less expensive every day! And honestly, good ole letters are a treasure too! My grandchildren love post cards, so I send them whenever we travel, and I send them even when we dont! Children love getting mail! Heck I like getting mail!
Love Hazel
Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation.
Music can be made anywhere, is invisible and does not smell. --W H Auden
Music can be made anywhere, is invisible and does not smell. --W H Auden
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ViewsAskew
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That's what I do, Hazel! My nieces and nephews LOVE to get their own mail. Each year, I get them a subscription to a magazine that is just for them. Whenever I travel, I send postcards - they each get their own, specifically picked out for them. One year, I sent my youngest niece [edited to add] a postcard of some goats eating a thatched roof. The next time I saw her, she came running up and gave me a huge hug. "Annie, how did you know I just love goats?" she said. She'll remember that a lot longer than if I gave her another doll or toy that would join the stacks of things she doesn't appreciate.
Well, at least that's how I rationalize that I don't give them conventional presents
Ann
Well, at least that's how I rationalize that I don't give them conventional presents
Ann
Last edited by ViewsAskew on Tue Mar 21, 2006 11:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Ann - Take what you need, leave the rest
Managing Your RLS
Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation, and are not medical advice.
Managing Your RLS
Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation, and are not medical advice.
Once again Ann, you are so right! There is something about being unconventional that lends to a specialized memory! And the magazine subscription, yep I can relate, I didn't realize how much my grandson appreciated them, till at the end of the first year he said, Are you going to get that for me again, I really like it!
I am rather partial to Annie! Her middle name is Anne, and Annie is my daughter's nickname given to her by her grandfather.
Ruby, we will have loads of hints and ideas to keep you busy to help ease the seperation anxiety. Keeping you and your families in my thoughts and prayers.
Hazel
And the magazine subscription, yep I can relate, I didn't realize how much my grandson appreciated them, till at the end of the first year he said, Are you going to get that for me again, I really like it!
I am rather partial to Annie! Her middle name is Anne, and Annie is my daughter's nickname given to her by her grandfather.
Ruby, we will have loads of hints and ideas to keep you busy to help ease the seperation anxiety. Keeping you and your families in my thoughts and prayers.
Hazel
Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation.
Music can be made anywhere, is invisible and does not smell. --W H Auden
Music can be made anywhere, is invisible and does not smell. --W H Auden
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Rubyslipper
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- Location: Missouri
When I start planning, acting on those plans, come up with new ideas on what I want to do and then start implementing those ideas, I can usually face my fears. Ann you are right on. I am afraid. But the fear is getting less each day as I plan my Grandma strategies. I tell myself that I handle change well. Obviously not. At least not in some things; this is one. I have started a book to the baby. It's a combination diary, storybook, picture album that will someday belong just to the baby. I hope to get to read it to him/her many times so that baby will realize just how much I love it. I'm putting in some family history, Mommy and Daddy stories, Grandma and Grandpa stories, how I learned I was going to be a Grandma, all kinds of things, geared to a small child. I may even continue it on for several years. When you said that about facing your fears, letting them go through you and looking back on them, I thought...this is what I am starting to do. Writing and putting this book together is making me face this and will help me through (along with all of you!) So keep those ideas and thoughts, hugs and support coming this way. I think we can use this for lots of different things other than just my own problem. I think I will even put in a chapter about my friends here helping me through this if you all don't mind me printing out what you have said to me and letting me use it. Babies need to learn about friends, you know.
You've always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself! (Glinda of Oz)
Don't forget to put in: "I told my friend, Jan, about the book I'm making for you, and I made Jan cry on March 21, 2006." This book is going to be one of the most precious gifts that child will ever receive. Straight from your heart. Oh, Ruby----what an absolute joy you are going to be as a grandma! What a lucky, lucky little one!
This is one of the reasons I love you, kiddo!
Jan
This is one of the reasons I love you, kiddo!
Jan
No one is alone who had friends.
The gentleness in your voice! Yes this grandchild has a very special Grandmother! Love Hazel
Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation.
Music can be made anywhere, is invisible and does not smell. --W H Auden
Music can be made anywhere, is invisible and does not smell. --W H Auden