USEING RLS FOR AN EXCUSE

Share how living with this disease can and does impact your relationships. How do you cope? What questions to you have?
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lyndarae
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USEING RLS FOR AN EXCUSE

Postby lyndarae » Thu Mar 23, 2006 4:12 pm

Hey ya'll.......................well my romance is over,only made it almost 3 months. He came to town for spring break. He thought I should give up my bed for him and that I should sleep on the air mattress like I do when I stay at his house. I told him what I thought about that. We went to the rodeo and I was in a very small spot I sat as long as I could and I finally told him I had to go.....................well he told his family I WANTED to go...........hell no I love rodeos I HAD to go. That was the begining of the end. We went to his neices for lunch after, he came and got me. After we ate they wanted to watch a movie, sorry but I could not sit there for two hours,it was a bad day for me.....................so he says I dont know how you were raised but I think it's rude to eat and then leave..................EXCUSE ME well he was sitting on his *** watching the movie I was in the kitchen with his mom and sister cleaning up. Then the following day he wanted me to sit and visit with everyone while he played on their computer and fixed the door bell it took him 5 hours...........I stayed about an hour and had to leave well that was rude in his book too. Then he had the nerveand this is the good part................to say that I was not sober cause of the meds I take for my rls..........................that was it. I told him he didnt know anything about rls or me and that it was too bad he didnt educate himself a little ,cause I am done..............So once again I am single........................I guess I could crawl into my cave and feel sorry for myself or angry because I have this disease.....and truth being told it has been a hard couple of days but....................I am glad I got to see his true colors and didnt waste too much of my time with him. Anyway thanks for letting me vent its nice out and I'm going to go ride my motercycle and get out of my head.....................IM USEING MY RLS FOR AN EXCUSE ya right~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Lyndarae

ksxroads
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Postby ksxroads » Thu Mar 23, 2006 5:41 pm

Good for you Lyndarae, you are right it is much better to learn the true colors early instead of wasting time in a relationship where you are constantly scrutinized and critized for things beyond your control.

This was a test and only a test! You passed with flying colors and remaind true to yourself! I am so happy for you!

Seems to me that this is the opportunity that opens you to the unlimited possibilities the universe has to offer. You have made your mark in the sand and you have shown the world that you no longer will be the scapegoat!

Love and Healing prayers. It is not an easy choice you made, yet it was a very wise one!
Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation.

Music can be made anywhere, is invisible and does not smell. --W H Auden

ViewsAskew
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Postby ViewsAskew » Thu Mar 23, 2006 6:06 pm

I am so sorry, Lyn. Wow, your post must have triggered all the sadness I have about how sucky this disease is, as I am now crying for you. While probably true of any chronic illness, it really is hard to make relationships work when you have severe RLS. Maybe it's harder in some ways because people don't really "get" how much it destroys and they still minimize it.

Hazel's got some great points, though. It is better now than later. I think it comes down to respect, you know? He didn't respect you and how RLS affects you. He was busy worrying that your behavior was disrespectful of his family, instead of thinking about how hard it was for you to do what he wanted you to do and what you were trying to do.

I wish I could say that you'll feel better soon, but like all things, it will happen when it happens. Hope it's sooner than later.

Ann
Ann - Take what you need, leave the rest

Managing Your RLS

Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation, and are not medical advice.

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jan3213
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Postby jan3213 » Thu Mar 23, 2006 9:13 pm

Oh Lyn---

I just want to add my thoughts to Hazey and Ann. Everything they have both said is true! Better now than later---- You are NOT a rude or selfish person! It seems to me that, even though it hurts like he**, he DID show his true colors and I'm glad you saw them!

You are worth so much more than he was giving you, sweetie! Like Ann said, it may take awhile---I wish it wouldn't--but you will look out and see the sunshine one of these days. I'm proud of you, kiddo!

Love you
Jan
No one is alone who had friends.

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lyndarae
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Postby lyndarae » Thu Mar 23, 2006 11:28 pm

HEY LADIES!!!!! Thanks sooooooooooooo much for all your kind words and encouragement. It has been a couple of tough days but the fog is starting to clear and the truth of the matter is that I am better off alone than with someone who is going to disrepect me the way he did. So today I put most all of our pictures and things he gave me out of sight. Its time to put my chin up and move on. I sure was having a good time in the begining tho being in love feels good,oh well can win em all thanks again~~~~~~~~~~lyndarae

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Postby becat » Fri Mar 24, 2006 5:16 pm

Very sneaky using your RLS to weed out the men that are not worth it...
If I had only known to use this earlier in life. LOL
I hope the bike ride put you in a good place and you were safe about it.
Lyndarae, my sweet , I'm glad you had the time with him.
You've needed that for a while. Maybe his time was short with you, but I heard a sense of fight in your voice that will be needed to make sure you graduate and then find the right someone.
I see it as a "vacation" from your single, getting on with a career life and everyone needs a good vacation for a while.
My hugs to you and my heart. Your a strong, beautiful, smart lady. His loss totally.
no wheelies out there, you hear me?
Lynne

ksxroads
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Postby ksxroads » Fri Mar 24, 2006 5:44 pm

Very sneaky using your RLS to weed out the men that are not worth it...
If I had only known to use this earlier in life. LOL
And I like that vacation aspect! That is good one to remember! :lol: :lol:

Yes take those photos and make a vacation scrap book! :lol: :lol: :lol:

When I met Will's one brother and sister in law for the first time, it was a three day stay at their house. I probably gave them some creepy thoughts as I walked the house and outside late at night! This was before I was diagnosed with RLS. Thinking back I can imagine all the second thoughts they must have had about Will and I being together! Yet Will was always very supportive of my odd behavior...for which I am truly thankful. It was that aspect of his personality that gave me the sense of I have met the right man. :)

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Tears cleanse the soul. So glad you shared with us, and have allowed to have shining souls! Hazel
Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation.



Music can be made anywhere, is invisible and does not smell. --W H Auden

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lyndarae
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Postby lyndarae » Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:40 pm

Some days are better than others................Today he sent me a story about a sandpiper and a little girl the story is about not wasting our lifes and missing out on things that are not important. And life is soooooooooo short. All of these things are true. I felt so blessed to have him come into my life. Even if it was a short time. NOw I just feel empty. Maybe I could have tried harder. He is under alot of pressure with school and other things I did not share with you. I know he is a good man under the skin. He has cried on my shoulder with me. He has shared things it would take most men years to tell you. I just dont know. I do know about my rls and how angry I feel right now...................... I mean I couldnt even stay in the same bed with him, how should he feel, its all new to him but come to find out his mom has it and so does he. His is not bad enough yet that he needs meds or cant sleep. Anyway every since tuesday I have hurt so bad and nothing is helping. I went to a meeting today and shared about it,that didnt help,he wants me to mail him his spare key,and swim trunks back. I dont understand matters of the heart last friday he was on his way here and I was so happy and full of excitment and this friday I cant stop crying and pulling the sheets up over my head..........................

For Chritmas I got this beautiful white mother of pearl locket, we had our picture taken at the valentines dance so I put our heads in the locket..........this is the poem I wrote a while ago.

THE LOCKET
I cut the pictures with great time and care
they were to fit the locket just right
so they would always be there
just the two of us together day and night
if I had taken the time and care with the pictures
and applied it to our love
they would have become old there
the pictures in the locket
tarnished and old but our eyes still looking
into each others and our lips still touching
now the beautiful locket has become cold
do I take the pictures out as gently as I put them in
there was joy in putting them in
and now pain to take them out
you close your eyes for a moment
and the moment is gone
but the locket remains.........................lyndarae soooooooooooooo

thanks again for letting me vent, I am trying really hard not to let this get me down but at my age (any age) love is hard to find and I really am so confussed right now I dont know if I did the right thing or just threw it all out with the bath water. I would be there this weekend but not now.............Im sitting here alone like so many past weekends oh my whatever shall I do blah blah blah I just hate feeling sorry for myself. but this is a post for rls and relationships so I ask what realationship?

becat
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Postby becat » Sat Mar 25, 2006 1:04 am

Lyndarae,
Your not feeling sorry for yourself for no good reason.
I've made light of this and maybe that was not what was best for you.
If you really care about this guy then this is my advice to you.
We all come with thing little and large that don't fit perfectly into someone else's life. Most really good realtionships I know, have tons of support, communication, trust, and that wonderful feeling of give and take. No one I know believes it's ever 50/50, somedays your 80 and somedays your 20. Know what I mean? With that said, stresses are just prone to kick our lives out of order, how we deal is more telling than what the outcome might be. You've worked hard, so very hard, to deal or react in the best, healthiest way possible. To share your life with someone is important, but only if they see you with all your scars, wounds, giggles, smiles, and tears as the whole package. Your not obligated to change things around to make him comfortable. I'm sorry, but for me, it ws hard to read that he wanted your bed in your home. Your comfort is equally important and as long as you see that and want that for yourself then it's ok to give into to some things.
No you can't share a bed full time or even through the night, but he knows why. It's not personal, nor for a lack of wanting to. It's not a deal breaker, never will be.
About him, sounds like he misses you too, maybe the weekend with his family was a fluke......? But if he cares about the whole thing then he needs to understand better that RLS is just as important as anything else your dealing with, just like his stresses or challenges.
I'm not all about setting something free and see if it comes back.
If you don't think your done with him, talk, talk a ton and get some things straight. Your not an empty woman, your full of life and wonder, no man or other person will ever take that away from you. Your worth a man that sees that in you. Be sure that lonely, doesnt' think that she could settle for something less than what she is worth. If he's a good man, than you'll see that. No one is perfect, none of us, but what we see in times of stress or trouble is likely real.
I'm sorry I picked on you or made light of this. Hugs to you my friend.
Lynne

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Rubyslipper
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Postby Rubyslipper » Sat Mar 25, 2006 2:27 am

Hey Lyn, it's worth another shot IF YOU WANT TO. Becat is right, relationships are not 50/50. What about printing off some of the more informative posts here (not the personal ones) about RLS and what it's like to live with it. Maybe some of the Q of L statements. If you don't have any of the brochures from the foundation on the symptoms, causes and treatments, have them send one to you. Take these to him and have a real discussion. Tell him you have real friends that suffer just like you do. Just like maybe he does. My hubby still doesn't understand what RLS and fibro are really like but when I bring him something to read, he does it. And if he sees an article on either, he brings it to me. So he is trying. It's just hard if you don't have it or if you are in denial. It's really up to you if you give him another chance or not. Just know that we're all here no matter what you decide. Every sentence written has been with love and support, but then you knew that anyway.
You've always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself! (Glinda of Oz)

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lyndarae
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Postby lyndarae » Sat Mar 25, 2006 4:29 am

Hey Ladies, I wish it was as easy as me just wanting him back,it has to work both ways. I think it is too late for that. But I believe with all my heart that everything happens for a reason and I am right where I am suppose to be. I just have to stay in one day at a time. I will make it through this and all of you have helped me today. Realationships are alot of work, its been so long since I had one that I had forgotten that. And they are not 50/50 thats for sure. But I know in my gut when things are right and wrong. I have always been able to read a person right when I meet them and he was no different. I kept a journal of just us, and there is more negative things in there than positive. But then again maybe I wanted too much. At this point I dont know I only know that I am feeling a loss in my life. And I am going through the grief of it all. And that is healthy and normal. As far as talking to him about rls he saw me on this site many times in fact I even told him if he didnt understand something he could come here and find out.For all I know he is reading everything I have ever written in here. And thats ok cause its the truth, its all from the heart and maybe he will learn something about himself too. Or maybe be able to help his mom when she will need him, he will have the education. Maybe that was what the whole thing was all about us teaching each other something. GOD works in strange ways and for that I am grateful.............love ya all ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Lyndarae

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jan3213
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Postby jan3213 » Sun Mar 26, 2006 3:47 am

Hey Lyn~~~

I wasn't home yesterday evening---left for St. Louis and just got back. So, I am just now reading all of these latest posts.

Honey, your poem is beautiful. We've never set eyes on each other, but I hope you know how much you mean to me. There's always been a connection--there always will be. I don't know why some things don't work out sometimes. Life isn't easy, and you--of all people--know that one, don't you? I wish with all my heart this could have been the one---maybe it isn't too late. Maybe......maybe he'll read what you've written--what your friends have written to you.

I, too, think everything happens for a reason, but sometimes we don't know that reason for a long time. RLS sure doesn't help the best of relationships--much less a brand new one. One thing I do know. You are one strong woman. And, I know--whichever way this turns out--you'll get through this.

Much love to you!
Jan
No one is alone who had friends.

cornelia

Postby cornelia » Sun Mar 26, 2006 10:45 am

You all know I have the best husband in the world; he completely understands what RLS does to me (and to him) and gives me great support.

However I think it must be a hell of a job for people with severe RLS to find a partner that will respect RLS and commit to live with all it's limitations.
That is another ugly side of RLS. I think that if I had to find a new partner myself I would choose for not living together in the same house. I think it would not put so much pressure on the relationship. It is different when you already have a partner and RLS gets gradually worse during the relationship.

Lynn, I'm so sorry for you.

Corrie


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