Awkward question about sex and RLS

Share how living with this disease can and does impact your relationships. How do you cope? What questions to you have?
rlsidaho
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Location: Boise, Idaho

Awkward question about sex and RLS

Postby rlsidaho » Sun Apr 01, 2012 6:12 am

Very awkward but relevant question here regarding something that I'm guessing is an issue in many RLS marriages. When one spouse has refractory RLS which includes leg pain, creepy crawlies, agitation and all of the other wonderful components of RLS-WED, and the other spouse is highly sensitive and scared to get close to the spouse with the symptoms for fear of making them worse, how have couples dealt with this before?

rthom
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Re: Awkward question about sex and RLS

Postby rthom » Sun Apr 01, 2012 7:47 am

We have the side of the coin i'm sure you don't want but here goes. I sleep in a diferent room and we don't have that specail time together anymore-not for years, and if we get close i just about jump right off the bed or out of my skin, pretty much phobic of being touched now. Sorry but the good news is i haven't heard anyone else say this--so maybe i'm the exception. As to our relationship, we have our moments that we are "sore" about it, but ours is a good solid marriage and thus far (over 20 yrs) we haven't separated. Good luck to all that have to cross this bridge. :roll:

Polar Bear
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Re: Awkward question about sex and RLS

Postby Polar Bear » Sun Apr 01, 2012 12:07 pm

We haven't let WED interfere with intimate times. And actually during such time my WED disappears :)
Afterwards however I am wide awake and WED is back with a vengence. I might then get up and go walkabout
or if I can bear it physically, go to the spare bedroom and read. If I should fall asleep well and good and when I
awake I head back to my husband.
However, I ALWAYS am medicated for WED 24/7 and particularly evening and bed time.

Also we have a memory foam mattress so that there is as little disturbance as possible getting in and out
of bed.

Is it likely that your spouse would cause you discomfort by getting close, and if the answer is No, then say so
and keep communication open.

Just lying quietly close can often be uncomfortable for me and I do try not to move away, but thankfully activity is not a problem.
Betty
http://www.willis-ekbom.org/about-rls-wed/publications
Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation

jy13131
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Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2009 4:39 pm

Re: Awkward question about sex and RLS

Postby jy13131 » Mon Apr 02, 2012 8:22 am

I think you have to be open in communication about the topic rather than the spouse having to assume he/she can't touch or be touched. I have moments where I'm desperately concentrating to keep symptoms at bay and basically will say "NO! DONT TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW!" and other times where I feel that will actually help relieve symptoms so I say"YES! PLEASE TOUCH ME!". By the way.....orgasm can actually temporarily relieve symptoms and we gotta do what works ....ya know?
jy13131

rlsidaho
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Joined: Tue Jan 03, 2012 10:16 pm
Location: Boise, Idaho

Re: Awkward question about sex and RLS

Postby rlsidaho » Mon Apr 02, 2012 8:31 am

I actually am experiencing the opposite of some of these responses. I am the one with RLS-WED and my wife is too nervous to touch me (despite my encouragement). She sees the pain I'm in as well as the leg movements, etc and regardless of my encouragement, says she gets too stressed out and worried, and as a result intimacy is few and far between. I'm not sure what to do. If I express that my symptoms are bad or acting up, she stays away. If I don't speak up, she assumes everything is all good and wants to cuddle, spoon, etc... I probably sound like a whiner but it's become a rather big issue...

Polar Bear
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Re: Awkward question about sex and RLS

Postby Polar Bear » Mon Apr 02, 2012 8:43 am

Speak up when its a good time for a cuddle and make the most of it. If you are pro-active when the time
is suitable, perhaps your wife will not feel that she is in a guessing game of when it is ok or is not ok. :thumbup:
Betty
http://www.willis-ekbom.org/about-rls-wed/publications
Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation

cornelia

Re: Awkward question about sex and RLS

Postby cornelia » Mon Apr 02, 2012 10:10 am

I agree with polar Bear and have 12 years of experience with this: take together time when your symptoms permit it and be pro-active. When you can do that your partner doesn't have to guess anymore whether you are 'available' for intimicy or not. It's worth it.

Corrie

jittery girl
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Location: Indiana

Re: Awkward question about sex and RLS

Postby jittery girl » Wed Apr 25, 2012 6:41 pm

O.K. I am just going to come right out and say it. Oral sex is easier to accomplish with RLS going on with either partner! IMO
"Life is a process. Your participation is required."

jy13131
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Re: Awkward question about sex and RLS

Postby jy13131 » Sun Apr 29, 2012 5:41 am

jittery girl wrote:O.K. I am just going to come right out and say it. Oral sex is easier to accomplish with RLS going on with either partner! IMO

Well that was a show stopper!!
jy13131

rlsidaho
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Location: Boise, Idaho

Re: Awkward question about sex and RLS

Postby rlsidaho » Sun Apr 29, 2012 5:44 am

Nah, good advice :) thanks!

rlsidaho
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Location: Boise, Idaho

Re: Awkward question about sex and RLS

Postby rlsidaho » Sun Apr 29, 2012 5:45 am

Now gotta work on the well known side effects of methadone and libido, etc... Argh.

jy13131
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Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2009 4:39 pm

Re: Awkward question about sex and RLS

Postby jy13131 » Sun Apr 29, 2012 7:10 am

Wait..... I'm on that! What are those?
jy13131

Polar Bear
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Re: Awkward question about sex and RLS

Postby Polar Bear » Sun Apr 29, 2012 12:22 pm

I find that immediately 'any' intimacy begins the wed flies out the window.
Betty
http://www.willis-ekbom.org/about-rls-wed/publications
Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation

jy13131
Posts: 204
Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2009 4:39 pm

Re: Awkward question about sex and RLS

Postby jy13131 » Sun Apr 29, 2012 12:46 pm

Polar Bear wrote:I find that immediately 'any' intimacy begins the wed flies out the window.

Yes this is my experience as well. As a matter of fact, sometimes on bad nights my fiancé helps me out just for a few moments of relief :D
jy13131

ViewsAskew
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Re: Awkward question about sex and RLS

Postby ViewsAskew » Sun Apr 29, 2012 5:40 pm

Some of us find the opposite! Not many, but I'm one of them. Often there is no impact one way or the other. Once in awhile, though, sex make the WED worse....talk about awful!!!!!!
Ann - Take what you need, leave the rest

Managing Your RLS

Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation, and are not medical advice.


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