Are they just being empathetic?

Share how living with this disease can and does impact your relationships. How do you cope? What questions to you have?
rthom
Posts: 1530
Joined: Sat Dec 31, 2011 3:03 am

Are they just being empathetic?

Postby rthom » Mon Dec 10, 2012 10:47 pm

If someoe is talking aout things they wil frequently being hear to say, "I don't know how they can handle/do that cause if it was me, I could never do that."
Are these people likely just being empathetic or do they usually mean just what they said--it would be intollerable for them?
We hear this expression frequently in my experience but I also find that those same people seem to expect us to deal well with that whic they say they never could. Thus the post. I know there are no certainties and some will mean one thing while others mean something different, but when it comes to the really bad stuff like lacking sleep for days/weeks with little hope for constructive change--I've assumed them to be serious.
What is your experience? :roll:

majoraward
Posts: 274
Joined: Thu Oct 04, 2012 1:36 pm

Re: Are they just being empathetic?

Postby majoraward » Tue Dec 11, 2012 1:21 am

rthom wrote:If someoe is talking aout things they wil frequently being hear to say, "I don't know how they can handle/do that cause if it was me, I could never do that."
Are these people likely just being empathetic or do they usually mean just what they said--it would be intollerable for them?
We hear this expression frequently in my experience but I also find that those same people seem to expect us to deal well with that whic they say they never could. Thus the post. I know there are no certainties and some will mean one thing while others mean something different, but when it comes to the really bad stuff like lacking sleep for days/weeks with little hope for constructive change--I've assumed them to be serious.
What is your experience? :roll:


Don't let it get to you. I have found that 99% of others without this condition of RLS/WED have NO IDEA how bad it really is. You can't really walk in someone else's shoes.

rthom
Posts: 1530
Joined: Sat Dec 31, 2011 3:03 am

Re: Are they just being empathetic?

Postby rthom » Tue Dec 11, 2012 2:08 am

Thanks for your response, but I'm ok with the lack of understanding. I'm just trying to figure out whether to take their word for it or if they are just giving compasionate lip service. (well intentioned support--that kind of thing)

Polar Bear
Moderator
Posts: 6814
Joined: Tue Dec 26, 2006 4:34 pm
Location: N. Ireland

Re: Are they just being empathetic?

Postby Polar Bear » Tue Dec 11, 2012 2:44 am

I generally take someone at their word and assume that they do mean it when they say that 'they couldn't do that'. The 'think' they couldn't do that.
However, when faced with the acuality and there is no choice, then most folks do what they can with the hand that they are dealt, and really 'can do that' and deal with the issue whatever it is, because there is absolutely no alternative.
Betty
http://www.willis-ekbom.org/about-rls-wed/publications
Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation

badnights
Moderator
Posts: 4492
Joined: Tue Mar 10, 2009 4:20 pm
Location: Northwest Territories, Canada

Re: Are they just being empathetic?

Postby badnights » Tue Dec 11, 2012 4:06 am

I think mostly people are in genuine awe when they say things like that, because they don't realize what an awful lot the average human can put up with if s/he has to, as PB just said (such a strong instinct to survive).

But when they expect us to handle it well, that's because 2 seconds later they have lost that "aha" moment of awe and are no longer actively imagining the agony. It's hard to sustain such a thing in your mind.

That's what I think, anyway.
Beth - Wishing you all restful sleep tonight
WED/RLS AUGMENTATION:
viewtopic.php?f=5&t=6532&p=61601#p61601
Discussion Board Moderator's posts don't reflect the RLS Foundation's opinion & are not medical advice

ViewsAskew
Moderator
Posts: 14797
Joined: Thu Oct 28, 2004 6:37 am
Location: Chicago

Re: Are they just being empathetic?

Postby ViewsAskew » Tue Dec 11, 2012 11:01 pm

Interesting posts.

My hubby has celiac. If I've heard one person say, "Oh, I could never live without my [insert bread, cake, cookies, etc.]," I've heard it from hundreds. We participate in local support groups, too, and he is the "new product" specialist for one of them, so we sometimes talk to many new celiacs each year.

Most can, and do, stop eating gluten when they need to. We do see a small percentage of the newly diagnosed who really can't, though. Some keep cheating and having some gluten now and then and are sick. Some of them have to be hospitalized before they stop for good. Some aren't symptomatic, but damage is being done, so they end up with cancer and either die or have to go through surgery and chemo before they stop.

So, I think it's pretty complex. I do think most really do mean it when they say it. To them, it's beyond the limits of comprehension.
Ann - Take what you need, leave the rest

Managing Your RLS

Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation, and are not medical advice.

Chipmunk
Moderator
Posts: 655
Joined: Thu Mar 03, 2011 10:44 pm
Location: Madison, WI

Re: Are they just being empathetic?

Postby Chipmunk » Thu Jan 03, 2013 7:38 pm

After my second daughter was born, I had an awful time sleeping. She had reflux, so she was up every 15 minutes, literally. Then I also had untreated RLS and sleep apnea. I was worse than tired, I was obliterated. I often say when talking about that time in my life, "I don't know how I did it." It's just an acknowledgement of how much I had to deal with and how much I am able to take for granted now, and I think people mean it like that, as an acknowledgement that they understand that you have a lot on your plate (even though they don't *really* understand the extent of it, IMO).
Tracy

Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the WED/RLS Foundation, and are not medical advice.

rthom
Posts: 1530
Joined: Sat Dec 31, 2011 3:03 am

Re: Are they just being empathetic?

Postby rthom » Thu Jan 03, 2013 9:00 pm

:think: :yawn:

Chipmunk
Moderator
Posts: 655
Joined: Thu Mar 03, 2011 10:44 pm
Location: Madison, WI

Re: Are they just being empathetic?

Postby Chipmunk » Fri Jan 04, 2013 7:38 pm

rthom wrote: :think: :yawn:

I don't understand this, but it's making me yawn! :lol:
Tracy

Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the WED/RLS Foundation, and are not medical advice.

rthom
Posts: 1530
Joined: Sat Dec 31, 2011 3:03 am

Re: Are they just being empathetic?

Postby rthom » Fri Jan 04, 2013 9:00 pm

means it's something for me to think about--and I'm too tired to figure it out right now--lol

rthom
Posts: 1530
Joined: Sat Dec 31, 2011 3:03 am

Re: Are they just being empathetic?

Postby rthom » Tue Feb 19, 2013 8:39 am

Chipmunk wrote:After my second daughter was born, I had an awful time sleeping. She had reflux, so she was up every 15 minutes, literally. Then I also had untreated RLS and sleep apnea. I was worse than tired, I was obliterated. I often say when talking about that time in my life, "I don't know how I did it." ).



So, here's the question, we have times in our lives like this and frequently it's when younger--do you think it can be re-done as needed or is it too much as we age--tire out etc..?

Polar Bear
Moderator
Posts: 6814
Joined: Tue Dec 26, 2006 4:34 pm
Location: N. Ireland

Re: Are they just being empathetic?

Postby Polar Bear » Tue Feb 19, 2013 11:00 pm

Yes, I think it can be redone regardless of age because it must be done - there is no choice, there is no alternative. It's just like keeping putting one foot in front of the other, never thinking of more than the next step. Every journey starts with one step.... etc. etc. etc. etc. and so it goes on... and on.... and on......whether it be lack of sleep, seemingly unbearable symptoms, exhaustion.......
Betty
http://www.willis-ekbom.org/about-rls-wed/publications
Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation

rthom
Posts: 1530
Joined: Sat Dec 31, 2011 3:03 am

Re: Are they just being empathetic?

Postby rthom » Tue Feb 19, 2013 11:53 pm

Sounds like this could just go on forever dragging down more and more etc...I'm not sure it's good news--awesomeness of the human body/spirit--but not always kind or what one may hope for.


Return to “Help for Relationships”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest