Talk too much?

Share how living with this disease can and does impact your relationships. How do you cope? What questions to you have?
Polar Bear
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Re: Talk too much?

Postby Polar Bear » Tue Jan 29, 2013 3:14 am

Certainly at present and in our economic difficulties, it seems to be a case in working circles of every man for himself. Without much time for empathy.

There but for the grace of God - and all that.

My SIL works in a major supermarket and she can be a pretty impatient person. But when it comes to older folks maybe being a bit slow in what they are doing, and this could be because of age/confusion, or it could be because of medication, - she has all the time in the world for them. She said to me ''' I might be the only face they see this week and I try to cheer them up so they leave with a smile''.

I have always been a people pleaser, smooth away any conflict -I don't consider myself a wimp but maybe I am - this need possibly reflected something lacking in myself..... As I have gotten older the need to people please has lessened somewhat and although I would not speak cruelly, I would now more readily stand my ground.

As for revealing too much - I'm yer woman !! Set me beside a stranger on a bus and if we get talking at all and the right vibes are there.....She will probably know how my hysterectomy went, how I'm up and about every night.... etc etc etc But that is in a 'thrown together' situation.

In my last permanent employment of 9 years duration, I told colleagues as much as I felt they needed to know to explain my behaviour and i received full support. My closest friends are totally aware....and accepting.
Towards the end of my employment I felt overwhelmed from daily symptoms and lack of sleep, and when I left work when I did..... it was the right thing for me.

I have recently taken a zopiclone and hope that I haven't rambled to far off this thread. Sorry if I have.
Betty
http://www.willis-ekbom.org/about-rls-wed/publications
Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation

rthom
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Re: Talk too much?

Postby rthom » Tue Jan 29, 2013 10:02 am

PB You didn't veer off the thread at all, it was very helpful hearing what you do as well.

Anne I have my own business and am sure it lack of clients has nothing to do with ability and everything to do with talking too much or wrong subjects etc...... It's really hard to take care of our own basic needs.
And yes the empathy is very poor it seems.
I have walked out of sveral board meetings an later was hoping i did not tell them what I think I told them, the awareness came usually after getting some sleep. :oops:

debbluebird
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Re: Talk too much?

Postby debbluebird » Thu Jan 31, 2013 3:39 am

What I'm about to say, may not be totally about this subject, but don't know where else to say it.
My husband reminded me today, that when I was getting very little sleep, on a whole lot more drugs than I am now and was pretty much a crazy person. I wouldn't listen to him at all. I didn't realize how crazy I was. I know now that I was very irrational at times and don't know why they didn't fire me sooner.
This disease can be very destructive.

ViewsAskew
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Re: Talk too much?

Postby ViewsAskew » Thu Jan 31, 2013 4:29 am

DEB, I do wish I didn't get where you were coming from!

I try VERY hard to filter myself when at work or with colleagues. I try somewhat hard with my family. I try a bit with hubby. I tell him that I'm so sorry, but I have no energy left to do it at times. It's like watching a toddler in a house that isn't child-proofed to try and be *safe* with what I say. I guess, while I don't share details of things necessarily, I definitely snap, crackle and pop when other people would filter it. If I hurt, am really tired, had so many weird side-effects that overwhelm me, that ability to filter is even more tenable and flimsy. With hubby? It's not even on the radar!
Ann - Take what you need, leave the rest

Managing Your RLS

Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation, and are not medical advice.

EeFall
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Re: Talk too much?

Postby EeFall » Thu Jan 31, 2013 7:09 am

ViewsAskew wrote:DEB, I do wish I didn't get where you were coming from!

I try VERY hard to filter myself when at work or with colleagues. I try somewhat hard with my family. I try a bit with hubby. I tell him that I'm so sorry, but I have no energy left to do it at times. It's like watching a toddler in a house that isn't child-proofed to try and be *safe* with what I say. I guess, while I don't share details of things necessarily, I definitely snap, crackle and pop when other people would filter it. If I hurt, am really tired, had so many weird side-effects that overwhelm me, that ability to filter is even more tenable and flimsy. With hubby? It's not even on the radar!


I took filtering to an extreme, mostly for my own protection. I am so introverted now that I rarely speak to anyone besides my wife, and I try not to talk to her even about my condition. No one wants to hear about it. I'm really talking about 2 things. The self-protection is that I found out many years ago that I could destroy a person with words, or physcially get in an altercation with someone. I became mean from lack of sleep, mean spirited. I hated that and wasn't going to live that way so I was either going to end my life or avoid people altogether. I tried to avoid people as much as I could but still had to be around them, like at work, supermarket, out and about, where ever, but I couldn't control that totally so I started to take everything without giving anything back as best I could.

Now it has been years and I just take all of what would be to me as abuse, or attacking me, or any little thing that I percieve as wronging me, and I don't hit back (so to speak), I take everything. Some of it might not even be real, how would I know? I am so drugged up all the time that it distorts my reality of what is going on much of the time. Also I avoid talking about myself so not many people at work know me and I don't associate with anyone else except close family, and I rarely say much to them about WED.

My new thing is now to even deny myself in that I believe most people who would be in my shoes, wouldn't be. I am ignoring it now as best I can. I'm talking about it here, but no where else would I ever mention it. Who else might understand it or even want to know it is possible? It is a state of mind. I keep trying to move closer to a normal life even though it should not be able to happen. I get by with very little sleep, yet I continue to work, to do things around the house, to live. I want to continue to improve until I am going to movies again, to be able to plan a vacation, to just do the kind of things that I used to enjoy even though RLS is destroying me. I'm not going down without a fight.

Anyway, I don't talk much at all anymore, I don't need to filter much because I don't get involved enough to have to filter anymore.

badnights
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Re: Talk too much?

Postby badnights » Thu Jan 31, 2013 9:08 pm

Ann wrote: I guess, while I don't share details of things necessarily, I definitely snap, crackle and pop when other people would filter it. If I hurt, am really tired, had so many weird side-effects that overwhelm me, that ability to filter is even more tenable and flimsy.
this exact thing, and sort of what eefall mentions in his following post, is what is ruining me.

xxxxxxxxxxx Here I go, telling the world. -- Delete, delete!!!! Re-word: I Was told I wear my stress on my sleeve, so to speak. When I'm stressed, everybody knows. I guess I Can see that. I also can tell that I come across all wrong, not at all how I'm feeling: if I'm scared, I sound angry, if I'm unsure, I sound imsulting, if I'm hurt, I sound angry or insulting.

I rarely had these problems before this disease ruined me. I had some communication issues, but they were surmountable, and even tho lots of people weren't sure how to take me at first, everybody who got to know me ended up liking me, or well enough. Now, though, I have a very hard time creating a rapport with people.

I can't stand the situation at my current job, I spent the summer in a state of extreme exhaustion, I don't know how I pulled it all together, well I didn't, I made so many mistakes! but none of them deadly, except one that was deadly to my career, and that was my inability to connect to people while I was in that state. Which was the whole summer.

I am being punished for that now.

Imagine how that feels hahahahahah I know these defects stem from the disease, yet I get punished for it. NO they stem from my mistake, of trying to do a job that required 2 months of daily overtime, that would be intense for a healthy person; what kind of a fool would try to do something like that? How could I have been so foolish as to think I could manage it somehow?

No, the fool part wasn't in deciding to do it, because I could have done the project if I had just altered the whole program to suit my reduced state. We would have gotten less done, but without damage to my reputation, and the crew would have been happier. But no, I had to try to do the full-meal deal. Now I am persona non grata, I am hated, I am pariah, doors slam shut and I have nowhere to go. I think, god !!! I Am still useful! I still have things to contribute, I am still valuable enough to get paid for something, so why can't I just LEAVE this job where I am being managed by small people, and find something else?

Because I am being paid well, with good health benefits, and unofficially am allowed to work irregular hours (main boss is not small in that regard).

Because my resume sucks. I am trying to re-write it. I have a growing list of things I keep putting off in my effort to average 8 hr/day 5 days/week at work. That effort (plus the hours and hours I have to spend sleeping or trying to sleep) leaves me without personal time, and things like buying food, paying bills, checking the rules on my son's RESP, calling the phone company, trying to get counseling for my growing despair, and re-doing my resume - all fall off the plate, time and again.

What if I passed an interview and was offered a job? How can I, in all honesty, accept a job without telling them that I can't work normal hours and maybe can't even work full hours? Who, then, would hire me after I say that? Should I get a job that I'm over-qualified for? Would I be able to stand a job like that? Would I be left without enough money to play hockey, which is the only thing that makes me happy anymore?

These things are locking me in despair. I took a week off work, to catch up on all the little things. I have done a lot, but maybe only half of them. Today the symptoms are singing their evil cacophony in my body and I can't think very well at all. I need to decide if I should try to update my resume, or take my divorce decree to get a notarized copy then to the Land Titles office;;; - the former is more important, but the latter has a chance of success.......

Sorry, I wasn't expecting that outburst. I guess it was time. It sure has been building up. Thanks to whoever takes the time to read all this predictable fear and nonsense. I feel very lost right now.
Beth - Wishing you all restful sleep tonight
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Polar Bear
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Re: Talk too much?

Postby Polar Bear » Thu Jan 31, 2013 11:25 pm

Beth, I'm so sorry things have gotten to such a pitch.
Fear and nonsense - you say.... it isn't nonsense, it's how you feel.
we all vent, we all need to vent, just because we have WED doesn't stop other problems landing on top of us as well.

You speak of counselling for growing despair.... perhaps that counselling might be the support that would make the overwhelming demands seem more do-able.
And while you feel this despair at present - you do yourself 'down'.

I am so sorry that you feel lost and wish we were all located much closer... kettle on and lots of talk, putting the world to rights.
Betty
http://www.willis-ekbom.org/about-rls-wed/publications
Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation

ViewsAskew
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Re: Talk too much?

Postby ViewsAskew » Fri Feb 01, 2013 12:11 am

Beth, I could be reading my own post. Details are different, but the content? The end-result? It's the same. And, it's really hard to stop hating yourself, isn't it?

I'm really thinking about how I can change the focus of my career, once I finish this hellish contract job I have, to focus on creating materials, trainings, seminars, etc. to help people such as us. There must be something we can do! It's all of us - diabetics, cancer patients, those with lupus, celiac, and on and on. We have stuff that changes day-to-day and we have to be able to manage it. We have a lot to offer, we just can't work in a traditional way.
Ann - Take what you need, leave the rest



Managing Your RLS



Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation, and are not medical advice.

rthom
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Re: Talk too much?

Postby rthom » Fri Feb 01, 2013 10:26 pm

Sorry to have just read the posts folks. And thanks for doing so, in a strange srt of way it seems to ease the burden when I hear others have a similar stress/ response. Wow, what a horrible bunch of simiraritites we all seem to live.

I wish there was something I could suggest to each and every one of you to help but the only thing I have found that helps me at all is to not ditch the positive things in your lives because it's the easiest thing to give up at the time. I feel much more energetic doing the positive than anything else--yet when I'm deciding on what to give up they are the things I need most and the things I protect the least. I hope that everyone can keep their happy stuff (beth keep your hockey an give up the house!!, you get the idea)
Beth the way you spoke about the change in the way you relate to people was exactly what I wastrying to correct about myself for bout the last 1 1/2 yrs, it's been really frustrating since everyone used to love me and now--cannot tollerate me yet I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING WRONG--they are miss reading me--not that I think it's their fault more like i believe it's no-ones fault. But yet I fail to succeed at making the changes in my life to help it........

Ann I think now's the time that we can help each other--and you are a great person for it. It donned on me that now with the stores open all night and the internet connecting us around the world--night and day shouldn't be as big an obsticle for making money as it was before---we just got to figure out how for ourselves.

EeFall you and I could be twins by the way you explained yourself---I couldn't have explained myself any better--thanks for sharing that.

bb I hope you feel better soon and stay that way--keep it up.

badnights
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Re: Talk too much?

Postby badnights » Mon Feb 04, 2013 12:19 am

sniff sniff
I want that kettle on and have a gab
:)
Sure helps a body to focus on solutions when so many of our problems are so similar.
Beth - Wishing you all restful sleep tonight
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EeFall
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Re: Talk too much?

Postby EeFall » Mon Feb 04, 2013 10:35 am

You know what you call a guy or gal who is always talking to a guy or gal who is always listening?



























Friends.

Polar Bear
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Re: Talk too much?

Postby Polar Bear » Mon Feb 04, 2013 5:59 pm

:D :D
Betty
http://www.willis-ekbom.org/about-rls-wed/publications
Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation

rthom
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Re: Talk too much?

Postby rthom » Mon Feb 04, 2013 6:44 pm

looks like a bot? :roll: :lol:

EeFall
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Re: Talk too much?

Postby EeFall » Mon Feb 04, 2013 10:32 pm

rthom wrote:looks like a bot? :roll: :lol:

Exactly! :lol:

badnights
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Re: Talk too much?

Postby badnights » Tue Feb 05, 2013 6:36 am

:lol: :D
Beth - Wishing you all restful sleep tonight
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