Taking hints

Share how living with this disease can and does impact your relationships. How do you cope? What questions to you have?
rthom
Posts: 1530
Joined: Sat Dec 31, 2011 3:03 am

Re: Taking hints

Postby rthom » Fri May 03, 2013 9:20 am

I also am aware of the difference between me yrs ago and now. I have to be very careful that I do not make mistakes (which in of itself has caused a lot of huge problems for me---my family now has 2 sets of rules 1 for me very strict and accurate and the other for everyone else that is allowed to make mistakes and expects to be treated normally about them, eg, tonight I dozed off after diner and about 20min later my wife woke me asking a series of not important questions--what the dog did recently etc....so she went out and I called to ask what she wanted {couldn't remember the first 2 questions}and she told me she did not wake me---dugh I should know if I was awoke or not, and why the need to argue the point--if it was anyone else she would not question if it was accureate or not as it is needless info and she never does that {She knew she woke me too because she explained why she had to get the dog quietly so as not to wake me} ) but this is all because I've inadvertantly built up a set of expectations in those around me about my behavoir--so now everyone seems to be able to walk all over me. This sort of stuff is happening a lot now--to the point that I don't want to see or talk to anyone.
I am also having to deal with the lack of sleep over the meds so I can both respect myself and behave more normally---but it comes at a heavy cost, that 20 min nap is the only sleep I have had and am likely to not get more tonight--as it's almost 5:30am now and I have a dr's appointment this am. The norm is now about that amount of sleep, if I don't screw it up. The meds can make it so much worse around here though. I don't take a DA, can't. But even still if I tke enough meds to sleep a few hrs a night (like 2-3) I end up very negative and have no relaxation deep inside. It makes everyone hypersensitive around me which in turn causes me to screw up--trying to fix things.

badnights
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Re: Taking hints

Postby badnights » Mon May 06, 2013 8:06 am

listen buddy, I know you don't want the marriage to end and you love her (or think you do) (I have issues with love, no idea what it is) but it doesn't make sense to me that you should live with anyone who does not treat what little sleep you get as sacred. I am dead serious on that.

Second thing.
this is all because I've inadvertantly built up a set of expectations in those around me about my behavoir--so now everyone seems to be able to walk all over me.
This aspect of you comes across in your posts; I have seen that in you. What's great about your statement is that it's such an important self-observation. Realizing what's happening is the first step to fixing it, and the hardest step, and it's now done and over with! Don't let it depress you, let it encourage you.
Beth - Wishing you all restful sleep tonight
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Polar Bear
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Location: N. Ireland

Re: Taking hints

Postby Polar Bear » Mon May 06, 2013 6:28 pm

Beth - well spoken.

rthom - I saw something recently - '''' if you don't change what you do, then nothing will change'''.
Betty
http://www.willis-ekbom.org/about-rls-wed/publications
Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation

rthom
Posts: 1530
Joined: Sat Dec 31, 2011 3:03 am

Re: Taking hints

Postby rthom » Mon May 06, 2013 8:45 pm

I agree with you both. I changed my approach in january with the family and that is why. I am always inclined to know what I am doing/ or how I am coming accross around others.
As you can imagine--the changes have created a lot of fights between my wife and myself (more like bad intense times--we don't yell or behave in cruel or tempersome ways to each other---believe it just adds to the stress and hurt feelings).
Had I have not made the changes the oldest would still be in our life.
Anyway with regards to doing something like separating, there is a lot more to figure out than can be gone on here, suffice to say I will literally (not being dramatic) loose everything if I make that choice--material things and relationships included--everything is based around the family here--her family, no family or friends on my side.
Bankrupcy would have to be the outcome for 2 and maybe 3 people. This makes it hard to choose for the sake of hurt feelings.
With regards to the question of love---I have never known what that was, maybe I experienced it, maybe not. I used to want an answer to that question, but now (especially with the lack of sleep and meds), I don't worry about it. I'm a more technical type--like if I see signs-I figure people love me if I wish to do for others I am showing love, etc....


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