Ruined Relationships

Share how living with this disease can and does impact your relationships. How do you cope? What questions to you have?
badnights
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Re: Ruined Relationships

Postby badnights » Thu May 30, 2013 4:32 am

ummmm... something bad? He said to keep taking it?
She should be able to just say no, I don't like the way it makes me feel, can I please try something different.
What is happening?
Beth - Wishing you all restful sleep tonight
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rthom
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Re: Ruined Relationships

Postby rthom » Thu May 30, 2013 8:21 am

exactly.

We keep track of it and it happens the same time every day and only started 2 days after she started the med. Also is is a documented side effect. It is ruining the one thing she really enjoys in life. (she loves biking and he is nausous and passes out or nearly does every time she returns now--never happened before--never does not now) The dr also told her to bike as much as she can to aid in the depression--how the h is she supposed to do that if she knows she's going spend the rest of the night laying down because she cannot stand up after.
Dr's
And this is nothing compaired to what happened to her nephew and that brain thing since I last posted about it.

Polar Bear
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Re: Ruined Relationships

Postby Polar Bear » Thu May 30, 2013 8:33 am

Your wife's BP and the med definitely need at looking if she is at the point of passing out and vomiting.
I'm assuming this happens to some extent also when she hasn't been biking.
Is your wife pro-active when speaking with her doctor or do you go with her. Is she ok about you speaking up on her behalf.

It does get difficult when both halves of a couple are poorly and quality of life is pulled down.
Especially in the midst of extended family illness and trauma.
I know that in our house it works best if only one is poorly at a time, and I'm being serious.
Betty
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rthom
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Re: Ruined Relationships

Postby rthom » Thu May 30, 2013 8:37 am

Yes I agree on both things, and that is why I am so careful to not make lifechanging decisions without alot of time alowed for being absolutely sure it's right.

debbluebird
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Re: Ruined Relationships

Postby debbluebird » Thu May 30, 2013 4:23 pm

PB is right, you have to be proactive and insist that they try something else. When I'm faced with that situation, I say that I will not take it anymore, please give me something else to try. Anitdepressants you have to wean off.

rthom
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Re: Ruined Relationships

Postby rthom » Thu May 30, 2013 4:29 pm

She has stopped it --was on a low dose anyway. But it is just annoying that the dr's come accross like everybody is either lying or knows nothing about their own bodies.

debbluebird
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Re: Ruined Relationships

Postby debbluebird » Thu May 30, 2013 9:40 pm

Just got an e-mail from my daughter. I was just going to send her one suggesting to see them before they left. But now they got work that they are moving to Ft Knox, Kentucky, not South Korea. At least my prayers were answered. But that was all she said, just one sentence. I still sent the e-mail wanting to see them. It won't happen. She won't come here and I don't travel very well. But at least I took your suggestion Beth, thanks.

rthom
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Re: Ruined Relationships

Postby rthom » Thu May 30, 2013 10:14 pm

Great news! You must be so relieved.

Polar Bear
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Re: Ruined Relationships

Postby Polar Bear » Fri May 31, 2013 1:13 am

If I had been in your position I would also have done what you did and wrote and told your daughter how you feel.
It is good news for you that she is not leaving the US. I truly hope that something might come of this but if it does not, I would not regret having written because she will know for sure that you wish to see her, without doubt. And you will know that you tried. It will not take away the hurt if she doesn't respond but the fact that she very occasionally sends an email shows (in my opinion) that she still wants to keep some sort of contact and she knows that your door is always open.

There is also always the possibility that when your grandchildren are older they may start to ask about you and eventually be in a position to make contact for themselves.
Betty
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debbluebird
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Re: Ruined Relationships

Postby debbluebird » Sat Jun 01, 2013 5:46 pm

I just got an e-mail from my sister. It seems that my daughter and her children will be visiting my sister in June. My sisters grown kids and grandkids all live there in Albuquerque. I would have never known if my sister hadn't told me. I feel so left out.

badnights
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Re: Ruined Relationships

Postby badnights » Sat Jun 01, 2013 6:18 pm

I think this kind of thing gets better as people get older. I cringe to think of how I treated my mother - god, I was so know-it-all and superior when I was in my 20's. I moved as far away as I could, and didn't contact her for a long time. When I got pregnant, I didn't tell her, because she would have ruined the pregnancy somehow (guilt trips, stuff, I don't know; I was not equipped to deal with her emotional dominance then, and she aroused all sorts of negative emotions in me). When my first baby was born, I sent her a fax! (a telex actually; she was out of the country and I don't think faxes had been invented yet...).

But over the years things have improved, mainly as I matured. At some point I stopped caring what she thought of me, and oddly enough at that point, I could allow myself to show her the compassion I had felt all along. Now we get along very well, and I see her as much as I can (which isn't much, because she lives at the other end of the country).
Beth - Wishing you all restful sleep tonight
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debbluebird
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Re: Ruined Relationships

Postby debbluebird » Sat Jun 01, 2013 11:56 pm

My daughter will bd 38 this year. First, our relationship started to change when I divorced her father, after 25 years. She was 20. Then more changes when she had children. They are 6 and 8. Our relationship, I thought was good before all of that. With my Mother our relationship was always difficult, but I always called her, went to see her and did what I could for her. I guess there is always hope.

rthom
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Re: Ruined Relationships

Postby rthom » Sun Jun 02, 2013 12:28 am

Things are deffinately different now. I'm not sure we are teaching those younger relitives to care about family as much as we could. It's definately a part of our problems--we cared and showed it and respect but reciprocating that was an option not a reqquirement on their part.

badnights
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Re: Ruined Relationships

Postby badnights » Mon Jun 03, 2013 1:55 am

There's always hope.
Lost time, if the glass is half empty, or hope, if it's half full. We need hope to live, so choose hope.
Beth - Wishing you all restful sleep tonight
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Suckerbeagle
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Re: Ruined Relationships

Postby Suckerbeagle » Fri Jul 18, 2014 10:48 pm

debbluebird wrote:Thanks rthom. I'm up and down with my moods. Actually I'm up most of the time. What worries me is my relationship with my daughter. It's pretty much ruined. As far as the other relationships are concerned I have made amends and moved on. With her it's not that simple. I've done everything that I can. I just can't let her go. What makes it worse is I haven't seen her in a year or spoken to her since last Sept. They now have orders to go to South Korea in Aug. They will be there 2 or 3 years. So who knows how long it will be before I see them. Before all of the mess I would be seeing them before they leave. Now I won't. It's just hard.


Oh do I ever feel for you. I have the same heartbreaking situation with my daughter. In this case it seems that it's because I have to use hydrocodone to manage symptoms. Her husband is a recovering alcoholic and doesn't tolerate drug use. I was thrown out of their house two Thanksgivings ago. My mother-in-law insists that I did nothing wrong. It's no use and I have to accept never seeing her again. She had a baby and never told me. Now I have a grandson who I will never see. When my father, her beloved grandfather died I go no word, not even an email. She was the very light of my life. Everyone who saw us together cannot believe that this is happening. I've tried everything to reach her. I am 71 years old and my biggest fear is that I might die and she will have to live with the remorse for the rest of her life. I wish I had never told anyone about this condition. My life had been an open book—I never dreamed this could happen.


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