research for college
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ks0vs
research for college
i am doing a paper for my final class in psychology on sleep disorders. I was wondering if any of you have any stories to tell about how your partners have been affected by resltess leg syndrome?
hello again
Hello again.
I know from reading others stories that spouses that are light sleepers do have problems with us RLSers. If you move often, shuffle in bed, twitch more than you realize, a light sleeper is disturbed.
I happen to have a husband that sleeps very soundly. My RLS doesn't effect him during sleep. But it effects his life and my families more than we admit.
Countless times he's awakened and has no clue if I've slept or where I slept. Did I just get to bed the hour or two before? He misses waking up to his wife next to him. I think it was misunderstood for a long time. Maybe in the back of his mind he thought I was making the choice to move from our bed, but not knowing why.
The stress of having someone that looks healthy and acts ill is an odd one. You want to be supportive, but there's nothing that points out why this is happening. No test can really prove RLS. Blood work can show low iron or B vitamins, but no xrays to see the problem. No real eveidence can be given. I know he wants to be there for me, but can this RLS be there 24/7/365. Is this how we'll live forever? I have no scars, no wounds, nothing until I'm in a major attack........that's fun. I walk like a 100 yr old woman, seemingly for no reason.
It's the same as having a bigger, well known illness, like cancer. The family takes a hit. It's hard to have someone that lives with you.......that might be in pain everyday, suffers from sleep deprivation constantly, has no hope for a better life style. The family changes around the ill person and it's a toss up some days.
It's an odd lifestyle and many people do not understand it's impact on the family, the friends, the person that suffers.
Hope I got this started and others will follow and reply to you.
If you need something different just let me know.
I know from reading others stories that spouses that are light sleepers do have problems with us RLSers. If you move often, shuffle in bed, twitch more than you realize, a light sleeper is disturbed.
I happen to have a husband that sleeps very soundly. My RLS doesn't effect him during sleep. But it effects his life and my families more than we admit.
Countless times he's awakened and has no clue if I've slept or where I slept. Did I just get to bed the hour or two before? He misses waking up to his wife next to him. I think it was misunderstood for a long time. Maybe in the back of his mind he thought I was making the choice to move from our bed, but not knowing why.
The stress of having someone that looks healthy and acts ill is an odd one. You want to be supportive, but there's nothing that points out why this is happening. No test can really prove RLS. Blood work can show low iron or B vitamins, but no xrays to see the problem. No real eveidence can be given. I know he wants to be there for me, but can this RLS be there 24/7/365. Is this how we'll live forever? I have no scars, no wounds, nothing until I'm in a major attack........that's fun. I walk like a 100 yr old woman, seemingly for no reason.
It's the same as having a bigger, well known illness, like cancer. The family takes a hit. It's hard to have someone that lives with you.......that might be in pain everyday, suffers from sleep deprivation constantly, has no hope for a better life style. The family changes around the ill person and it's a toss up some days.
It's an odd lifestyle and many people do not understand it's impact on the family, the friends, the person that suffers.
Hope I got this started and others will follow and reply to you.
If you need something different just let me know.
Hi, I'll Join In and Help
I'm Jan (Hi Becat)
I've been married for 29 years and have had RLS for 20 years. My husband doesn't have RLS and is also a very sound sleeper. In the last several months, I haven't slept in the same bed with him because I've been having a lot of pain. I thought it was RLS. Today, I found out I have fibromyalgia as well as RLS. I'm telling you this for a reason. Having been married for 29 years, you get used to seeing the person you love in the same way--healthy, always ready to get up and go at the drop of a hat. My husband would always have to tell ME to slow down when we would go for a walk because I was so impatient I would walk faster than HE would (even though I'm am shorter than he is by at least ten inches). But, things change. It could definitely be worse. One of us could have cancer, or heart disease--or worse. Thank God that's not the case. But, I know this isn't easy for my husband. He's a wonderful man--he has walked the floor with me, massaged my legs, rubbed my back, tried to make me comfortable. But, he's not a saint, and neither am I. I get cranky. RLS changes your pesonality, you know. When you are in pain and you can't sleep, you aren't very nice, and you know, as the song says, "you always hurt the one you love". As Becat said, we have no scars, we look normal, but we feel like we are 100 years old. I can't get up an go at the drop of a hat anymore. My house isn't immaculate anymore. I don't walk faster than he does anymore--in fact I have to ask him to wait for me. I have to think about what I've left upstairs and if I really want it badly enough to go get it. No, I'm not ready for a wheelchair, by any means. And, now that I know that I also have fibro, my doctor can give me medication for that, too. It's tricky with RLS, because the meds for fibro might cause RLS to get worse, but I have a good doc and he WILL find something--he's so compassionate and HE CARES!! It's been an emotional day for both of us. We know someone personally who has fibro and she is really bad--BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I WILL BE!!! Some people never get that bad! So, you see, RLS does have a definite impact on a spouse. Becat always says things so well--no hope for a better lifestyle. There's no cure for RLS. It's not cancer, it's not terminal, but until you've experienced it (and I HOPE YOU NEVER DO!!), you can't imagine what it's like!!! I hope this helps. Please know that we are not whiners. We are people who are trying to cope with something that could literally drive you crazy! At the top of this page there are pull down menus with information that will tell you exactly what RLS is (maybe you already know). In any event, I hope we've helped you. Like Becat, I hope someone else chimes in. Good luck with your paper.
Jan
I've been married for 29 years and have had RLS for 20 years. My husband doesn't have RLS and is also a very sound sleeper. In the last several months, I haven't slept in the same bed with him because I've been having a lot of pain. I thought it was RLS. Today, I found out I have fibromyalgia as well as RLS. I'm telling you this for a reason. Having been married for 29 years, you get used to seeing the person you love in the same way--healthy, always ready to get up and go at the drop of a hat. My husband would always have to tell ME to slow down when we would go for a walk because I was so impatient I would walk faster than HE would (even though I'm am shorter than he is by at least ten inches). But, things change. It could definitely be worse. One of us could have cancer, or heart disease--or worse. Thank God that's not the case. But, I know this isn't easy for my husband. He's a wonderful man--he has walked the floor with me, massaged my legs, rubbed my back, tried to make me comfortable. But, he's not a saint, and neither am I. I get cranky. RLS changes your pesonality, you know. When you are in pain and you can't sleep, you aren't very nice, and you know, as the song says, "you always hurt the one you love". As Becat said, we have no scars, we look normal, but we feel like we are 100 years old. I can't get up an go at the drop of a hat anymore. My house isn't immaculate anymore. I don't walk faster than he does anymore--in fact I have to ask him to wait for me. I have to think about what I've left upstairs and if I really want it badly enough to go get it. No, I'm not ready for a wheelchair, by any means. And, now that I know that I also have fibro, my doctor can give me medication for that, too. It's tricky with RLS, because the meds for fibro might cause RLS to get worse, but I have a good doc and he WILL find something--he's so compassionate and HE CARES!! It's been an emotional day for both of us. We know someone personally who has fibro and she is really bad--BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I WILL BE!!! Some people never get that bad! So, you see, RLS does have a definite impact on a spouse. Becat always says things so well--no hope for a better lifestyle. There's no cure for RLS. It's not cancer, it's not terminal, but until you've experienced it (and I HOPE YOU NEVER DO!!), you can't imagine what it's like!!! I hope this helps. Please know that we are not whiners. We are people who are trying to cope with something that could literally drive you crazy! At the top of this page there are pull down menus with information that will tell you exactly what RLS is (maybe you already know). In any event, I hope we've helped you. Like Becat, I hope someone else chimes in. Good luck with your paper.
Jan
No one is alone who had friends.
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ViewsAskew
- Moderator
- Posts: 16597
- Joined: Thu Oct 28, 2004 6:37 am
- Location: Los Angeles
My Partner
When I was young, my RLS only occurred a few times a month. With lifestyle management, I could control it relatively well. I'm not sure that roommates or the people I dated thought much of it; I didn't. The PLMD got worse first. I would kick my partner's shins in the night and wake him. We tried using a pillow between us, but it didn't work. He put up with it for a year or so, but he was tired of being battered. He started sleeping in the spare bedroom. Then we started working different shifts. Then having a different set of friends and activities. Five years after starting to sleep alone, we decided that we had grown apart and it couldn't be fixed.
Last year, after 3 years of dating, I made a long-term commitment to my current partner and we decided to share the same space. The PLMD was under control for awhile, while the RLS worsened. Now, both are refractory. Some nights, he tries to stay up with me, as I rock on the floor or pace back and forth. Some nights he sleeps in his office on an air mattress. Recently he paid for a new visco-elastic foam mattress so he would feel my movements less. All in all, he sleeps less than he used to whether from me getting up and down multiple times or thrashing while sleeping.
When we visit people, I have to leave early so I don't end up stuck in a car when the RLS is at its worst. He always leaves, but I know he would prefer to stay. He doesn't get to make coffee in the morning, because he doesn't know how much sleep I've had and doesn't want to wake me, so he showers downstairs and sneaks out to a coffee shop. He works at home, and has had to change his hours so the phone is not ringing during the morning in case I actually have managed to sleep.
He worries about me not getting the right care or the right drugs or the wrong drugs and the effect of the drugs. He worries about me mixing my own drug "cocktails" and the long term effects. He worries that I might get addicted to benzos or opiates.
RLS is part of my life everyday. And part of his. When I am tired, I have less tolerance, I get depressed more easily, I have little desire to accomplish things. He is on the receiving end of all of it. He holds me when I cry despondently after several long nights in a row. He is patient when I can't think of the right words or finish a train of thought. He doesn't mention it when my responses aren't as nice as usual or when my tone of voice is intolerant.
This is like any other chronic illness. It's just that you can't describe it, few people have heard of it, and it's hard for people to take something seriously that they can't see or understand. But it takes a similar toll on all the relationships of the people around you. He and I both try to listen and talk and be proactive. We try to find ways to ensure our intimacy even if we don't sleep together. I'm holding out for more studies and medicine developed specifically for RLS and PLMD. In the meantime, I'll do my all that I can to ensure I don't allow RLS to divide and conquer. And I hope he will continue to do the same.
Last year, after 3 years of dating, I made a long-term commitment to my current partner and we decided to share the same space. The PLMD was under control for awhile, while the RLS worsened. Now, both are refractory. Some nights, he tries to stay up with me, as I rock on the floor or pace back and forth. Some nights he sleeps in his office on an air mattress. Recently he paid for a new visco-elastic foam mattress so he would feel my movements less. All in all, he sleeps less than he used to whether from me getting up and down multiple times or thrashing while sleeping.
When we visit people, I have to leave early so I don't end up stuck in a car when the RLS is at its worst. He always leaves, but I know he would prefer to stay. He doesn't get to make coffee in the morning, because he doesn't know how much sleep I've had and doesn't want to wake me, so he showers downstairs and sneaks out to a coffee shop. He works at home, and has had to change his hours so the phone is not ringing during the morning in case I actually have managed to sleep.
He worries about me not getting the right care or the right drugs or the wrong drugs and the effect of the drugs. He worries about me mixing my own drug "cocktails" and the long term effects. He worries that I might get addicted to benzos or opiates.
RLS is part of my life everyday. And part of his. When I am tired, I have less tolerance, I get depressed more easily, I have little desire to accomplish things. He is on the receiving end of all of it. He holds me when I cry despondently after several long nights in a row. He is patient when I can't think of the right words or finish a train of thought. He doesn't mention it when my responses aren't as nice as usual or when my tone of voice is intolerant.
This is like any other chronic illness. It's just that you can't describe it, few people have heard of it, and it's hard for people to take something seriously that they can't see or understand. But it takes a similar toll on all the relationships of the people around you. He and I both try to listen and talk and be proactive. We try to find ways to ensure our intimacy even if we don't sleep together. I'm holding out for more studies and medicine developed specifically for RLS and PLMD. In the meantime, I'll do my all that I can to ensure I don't allow RLS to divide and conquer. And I hope he will continue to do the same.
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nephriticus
- Posts: 88
- Joined: Sun Aug 22, 2004 5:02 am
- Location: Sequim, WA
Today, I found out I have fibromyalgia as well as RLS.
Jan,
I was going to mention something about the festered splinter in my thumb, but I changed my mind.
Having a close acquaintance with fibromyalgia, I have a fair understanding of the impact on lives, both direct and collateral. My thoughts are with you and your husband as well.
Neph
Currently RLS free. Symptoms stopped almost abruptly after my long term, full time care giving duties ended with passing of wife. No stress, no RLS.
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Currently RLS free. Symptoms stopped almost abruptly after my long term, full time care giving duties ended with passing of wife. No stress, no RLS.
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Oh, Neph, I could have used a laugh!!!
It's Jan
Thanks, Neph. You know--at least I know what the pain is and it'll be okay. I have a really good doc. I know someone who has it, too, so I'm not going into it blindly. But, everyone's different, as in RLS, so my hopes are high. I appreciate you good thoughts!
Jan
Thanks, Neph. You know--at least I know what the pain is and it'll be okay. I have a really good doc. I know someone who has it, too, so I'm not going into it blindly. But, everyone's different, as in RLS, so my hopes are high. I appreciate you good thoughts!
Jan
No one is alone who had friends.