Hi Em,
I wanted to let you know that it's on my calander ( I love whoever started that WAM and Brandy I think), you'll be with me all day that day.
No matter what the surgery is, it's ok to cry. Even if it's not about the surgery. You get my point.
I have spent weeks in tears, still can't watch too much TV, as the news kills me. I have had a huge swollen nose, red patches, swollen eyes that will not bare makeup.........Just a huge cry baby. My good attitude and straight thoughts GONE....right out the window.....it's ok.
Not you, not myself, no one can keep a brave front all the time. When I need to I let it fall and crawl under the biggest rock I can find. You've noticed that I haven't posted much since New Years.....well life hit me hard again and I had nothing to say, but whaaaaaaaaa. So I came to the board and read. Added what I could, but mostly just worked the site, not added to it. But I was here and I soaked up the love and the support.
Today I got myself up and went to bowling, UGH! Early as it was I showered, put on makeup, dressed to make myself smile and I was off to spend the time I normally get with my best "in town" friends. Ready? Knowing when I saw them I would cry again and I did. But I got out there and did it, I made myself. I can't tell you that I can make myself do that all the time. As it turned out we bowled against some of the most insane people in town.......Not in a good way. They were rushing us the whole time. I was ready to take one of them out, even maybe really wanted the fight....
but I didn't and as usual we enjoyed our morning.
Em, I'm no Mary Poppins. I grieve my life style off and on, sometimes in the same week. Living with anything chronic is just not easy. It could be an illness, weight issues, maybe you might be born with a huge set of ears. There are some things in life we have control over, much of it we do not. You have not seen a break yet. If you ever do, and I believe with my whole heart you will, you will be more able to settle this in your own heart.
This Sunday when I hugged my son goodbye until May 4th.......I realized that life is simple a gamble with certain odds in our favor based on how we react and what path we choose to walk. Our ability to love, to support, to honor, to fight, to make peace is within wach of us. All of those things come with a price, I want to love even knowing that someday it will hurt. By that I mean that we can lose someone to death, break up, move on, or grow up and lead their own lives.
Somewhere along the way I learned that living well with RLS meant I had to fight. Somedays it's the doc I fight, somedays it's my body, there are so many days I fight myself to see that I am blessed.....even in this life style. I'm blessed.
I am right now staring at a picture of myself, Ann, Jumpyowl, Rubyslippers, Neph, and Mike from PA........the first RLS meeting I ever went to. We are all smiling. There is strength in this family and we wil carry each other through this. Maybe it's not ours that we are fighting for, but for our future.
I don't know my next move either. I don't know if I have one. But I will not let it stop me. I may not live long and at one time was sure of it, yes because of RLS and no, not at my own hands. I still plan for a future because that is my gift from God. I'm living today, in pain, with symptoms and I'll be good goshed (lol) if anything can take that from......at least for today.
I send you the moon, my heart, and my ongoing prayers.
Lynne
PS Randy I do the same thing, lol, meds or not. The Hubby as learned to say what he needs to, to make me shut up. LOL