Progress... perhaps

Neco · Post by **Neco** » Fri Apr 25, 2008 8:53 pm

Well this month went kind of like last month did.. That the net end result was I managed to go 3 weeks before running out.

I did have a serious lapse where I ate up 30 over a 3 days period, but it certainly wasn't planned.. I don't even really remember those days, it started out as me taking a little extra which led to insomnia which lead to this mentality of "gotta keep your clock straight" and taking more every so often in an attempt to keep the insomnia going..

Pretty stupid huh? Seemed smart at the time.. I thought I had MAYBE taken 15 over those 3 days, but the pill count NEVER lies

That being said.. I cleaned up my act immediately and did my best with the remaining 60. I had a doctors appt today so we discussed that it's ok that I need a little extra, and he upped me to 100 pills a month.

I've decided to try and make the best of it.. I will have to allow myself no more than a half a pill extra and see how it goes.. I'm sure there may be days where I opt to take a whole extra pill.. But that is still potentially 20 extra days per month that I will have a little extra if I need it, by splitting these 10 additional pills in half..

Well that's my plan... still looking for work.. still can't pay my bills... lol
On goes life.

Post by **ViewsAskew** » Fri Apr 25, 2008 9:21 pm

Seems a good plan, Zach. Sometimes, at least for me, admitting that I need to work on something to another person is the hardest part, followed by actually telling the person in charge that I screwed up. To me, you've managed that, the rest will be easier. But, that's me.

Aiken · Post by **Aiken** » Fri Apr 25, 2008 9:59 pm

Zach--

Given that your pill management does seem to be a recurring problem, I'd suggest that you start specifically keeping track:

Keep a standard wall calendar on the wall next to your pill supply. Attach a pen to it with a string. When you take a pill out of the bottle, put a mark on that day on the calendar. It's impossible to lose track if you do this--if you see four marks on today's square, you know you're maxed out. There's no way you can take ten in one day and not know it.

Note: The pen-on-a-string is important, or the pen will get lost and you'll stop making marks.

(Remember that losing track is not just a way to run out of pills... sometimes, it's a way to die. Consider Heath Ledger.)

Neco · Post by **Neco** » Sat Apr 26, 2008 1:38 am

Perhaps we'll just have to agree to disagree, but when you start taking a pill or two at a time out, sleep deprivation sets in, and then end up staying awake for 3 days, it is entirely possible to lose track of how much you are taking.

The thought doesn't really enter your mind.

Aiken · Post by **Aiken** » Sat Apr 26, 2008 3:56 am

Maybe I was misunderstanding you. I was just trying to suggest a way to avoid getting to the point where you're already a couple of days past losing track of how much you've taken. That's why I often suggest pill caddies to people. It puts the burden of counting and keeping track on an inanimate object that is not itself affected by a mind-altering/numbing substance. I realize your needs are too irregular for a caddy, so that's why I suggested marks on a calendar to keep track of what you've already taken instead.

Neco · Post by **Neco** » Sat Apr 26, 2008 5:38 am

Those are good suggestions..I was actually looking at one of those pill boxes in the pharmacy today.. There is some weird one setup for multiple pills per time a day and it has 4 rows and 7 cells per row.. That could easily be used as a per month distribution thingy.

Right now I am pretty content with just handing them over to my mom when I start feeling like I'm gonna lose it.. It works relatively well, I just have to change the fact that it's a catastrophic breakdown in judgement that results in my handing them over.

I also let it be known that I think anxiety is playing a role.. Sometimes I just want to "chill out".. The methadone provides more of a calm down and relax type of feeling than a high in the sky chemical buzz that Vicodin and other narcotics have given me, so while I'm not tempted to take a handful all at once for days at a time to escape my problems, I think the anxiety is also at the root of my bad slipups.

He mentioned going back to the county, but I said what was the point? I don't trust them and they will just end up calling me a drug seeker yet again if I ask for some Xanax or even something much lighter..

I've been thinking about over the counter supplements to try.. I may give Kava Kava a shot.. only problem is you can only buy it on the net these days, and I hate waiting.. the shipping makes it a little more expensive too.. But based on what I've read I think it might prove the most useful.

My smoking hasn't improved either.. I've been smoking a pack a day for probably over a month now

Aiken · Post by **Aiken** » Sat Apr 26, 2008 6:20 am

I forget, do you take any antidepressants already?

If you don't... well, all I can say is that I wish I had started 20 years ago. I wasted a lot of my life being anxious. A lot. A loooot. I don't know how much it'd help your RLS or anything else, but you might find you're happier. If you're not, it might at least be worth a try. (Note that I don't mean benzos... xanax wouldn't be a good idea. More like an SSRI.)

If you already are, well, nevermind.

moonlight · Post by **moonlight** » Sat Apr 26, 2008 11:03 am

Hi Zach

I have been reading up on kava kava, which is illegal here, the reason being that it can cause "hepatoxicity" irreversible liver damage and several people have died.
Aparently it happens and you are unaware of it doing so.
maybe something to think about , youre' young with your whole life ahead of you.

There is something called "relora" maybe worth looking into, i might even look at it myself.

take care

huggles
moonlight

Neco · Post by **Neco** » Sat Apr 26, 2008 2:00 pm

Hi,

I came across the whole hepatoxicity issue months ago, and from what I could tell, it was pretty fairly rebuked through some case studies and whatnot.. Should be pretty easy to find on google, but I don't have links off hand.

In a lot of cases countries that banned it also took it off the ban list once the evidence was brought forth.. Personally I think its another case of irrational drug control..

If this stuff were truly that toxic all the natives that harvest it and consume it almost daily would be dropping like flies, I would think.. They get this stuff straight from the plant and in high concentrations too, so it can't be that.. There would be more than the few cited deaths around the world.. I'm pretty sure in all those cases other health issues were cited at the cause of the problem.

That being said there are plenty of things OTC that will kill you, i.e Tylenol.. So I don't understand why some people rationalize fear of one product vs another.. I am very cautious of what I take though and research thing thuroughly before trying anything out.. If anything people will probably continue to bring it up as a scare tactics because of Kava's reported narcotic like effects (take enough of it and you get a buzz or something) or they have ulterior corporate motives.

Case in point.. L-Trypophan.

http://www.ceri.com/trypto.htm

On June 15, 1993, the FDA Dietary Supplement Task Force published a report on the work it had been doing in the area of developing FDA policy around nutritional supplements. On page two, the report admits, “The Task Force considered various issues in its deliberations, including... what steps are necessary to ensure that the existence of dietary supplements on the market does not act as a disincentive for drug development.”

re: antidepressants. Up until my seizure I had been on an off various kinds since I was 21 and first saw my doctor. They have helped me at various points, but I find little use for them these days.. Most of them do aggravate my RLS, and also make it almost unbearable for my prostate when taken together with painkillers of any kind (that I know of).

I have had bad cases of urinary retention that weren't fun.. The only one I would go back to is Luvox, which interacted with my Tramadol of course, but also helped with some mild OCD symptoms of mine and I think did make me less anxious to a degree.. However it is listed as a drug that can effect methadone levels (potentiate) and I don't want to take that kind of risk with an accidental OD or something.

Aiken · Post by **Aiken** » Sat Apr 26, 2008 6:57 pm

Zach--

That sucks about the side effects of antidepressants. Urinary retention sounds like it could be painful. Unpredictable methadone potentiation would be really bad too.

I guess I'm lucky that I'm getting away with taking the prozac. Maybe it's one part of my metabolism that I didn't get a bum deal on.

You could always eat chocolate... that's supposed to boost serotonin.

I agree about the way that the FDA handles semi-recreational drugs. It's very two-faced. We have the well-established alcohol industry with its giant political lobby, and it's steaming along just fine. However, if alcohol had suddenly been discovered by fringey parts of the culture just recently, it would be getting investigated vigorously and would probably end up categorized the way marijuana is now.

Neco · Post by **Neco** » Sat Apr 26, 2008 11:05 pm

Yeah, it can be pretty painful..

Feeling like your going to burst, but not able to produce a stream, no matter how hard you try or relaxed you get..

I had problems with it even back when I was on Vicodin in the beginning.. Between being stoned out of my mind I would end up standing there in the middle of the night trying to go, and wake up in the same spot (or stumble backwards awake) and it would be an 1 - 3 hours later...

I kind of lol at it tho.. Wellbutrin really hurt though.. I was stuck with it, awake for hours, worried I was gonna rupture something and die every other minute.

SquirmingSusan · Post by **SquirmingSusan** » Sun Apr 27, 2008 1:17 am

They sell Kava Kava at one of the local coops, so I asked the clerk about it. She said that some people really like the buzz and take mass quantities, and that is how they've blown out their livers. She said that in some parts of the world they have "Kava parties" where everyone sits around and gets stoned on Kava. But she said that in normal quantities it's very relaxing and can really help people sleep. I decided not to get the capsules, but got some tea instead. I wish I would have bought the capsules. The tea tastes like crap.

Aiken · Post by **Aiken** » Sun Apr 27, 2008 2:32 am

Heh, yeah. Kava Kava dissolved in water both looks and tastes like very dirty bathwater. I can't imagine the tea is really any different.

Neco · Post by **Neco** » Sun Apr 27, 2008 3:38 am

Biggest complaint I heard of by far.. makes you wanna puke, I am definitely going to buy capsules or gelcaps or something NOT root based that you have to mix

susieandirenes · Post by **susieandirenes** » Mon Apr 28, 2008 1:42 am

Zach, I really needed and appreciated your input when I was in the midst of my panic/anxiety attacks! And from reading posts, I am only one of MANY! You make a difference in people's lives! Because of you, I was cautious of the 'holistic stress mgmt' psychiatrist.......and rightfully so/....
I ended up finding someone else that is very good!

I'm sure I'm not the only one floating around out here who cares about you.......so take care of yourself!

I'm still learning about all these drugs, and don't know enough to give you any advice, so I'll just stick you into my prayers pretty heavy for awhile.

And T H A N K S ! ! !