emotionally numb

For everything and anything else not covered in the other RLS sections.
Posts: 645
Joined: Tue Aug 02, 2005 8:19 pm
Location: Kansas

Post by ksxroads »

Dear Penquinrocks and Shauntario,

No smurfettes here? Isa talked till I was blue in the face, but not blue all over. Though I do know one man we call blue man or chem can larry... Just back from the Walnut Valley Bluegrass festival and three years back poor larry, his first time at the festival, well a parachute line connected to a tree by the porta potties, got wrapped around the porta potty he was in and the wheels of the chemical truck and pulled over... luckily it had just been pumped so he was just covered blue... so each year we have a porta potty party at the site of the ill fated event in his honor...

************Positive Healing Energy sent to you both, especially Penquin********* weather can affect me so adversely... sending you many many many healing thoughts.

Shaun, that is why I question the fibro diagnosis... though I can relate to heaviness in arms (and in my legs) and the constant rubber band muscle feeling...

initially when receiving massage therapy it hurt when I got one and the next day I hurt to the extreme and felt like I couldn't walk but as time went on there was less reaction. Drinking tons of water after massage etc I seemed to flush a lot of whateve out of the ole body!

Initially I had to go in every few days as my muslces would knot and hurt so, yet over a years time it actually seemed to help. My friend who has fibro talks about hurting when being touched, that doesn't seem to apply to me or else I am just a glutton for pain. It could be that my fibro is not that bad. It could be pain from RLS.

in time I hope I can find someone in this area familiar with Pain Reflex Massage therapy, from what I have been able to read on this, it does help with fibro pain.

I take Lorazapam, have a script for lora tab 5 to take as needed, some supplements like vit B complex, Co-enzyme Q10, the doctor wanted to prescribe zanax for those intense muscle pain moments but I didn't think I needed it with the lorazapam. I do think a muscle relaxer would help. I took skelaxin once for a week or so and it didn't seem to bother me like the flexeril does. Yet it didn't seem to help all that much, could be something I need to take daily. Flexeril is something I do not want to take ... you mention the baclofen doesn't help much either.

(((((((((((BIG HUG))))))))))))))))))))

***************Positive Thoughts****************

Love and healing light, Hazel

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Joined: Thu Mar 17, 2005 6:03 pm
Location: Massachusetts

Post by Penguinrocks »

Hello all.

Hazel, thank you for your wishes. It is so greatly appreciated! Not much of a let up today.

Don't know if I should move to AZ or not. :-) Dry air.

Anyway, I was eating my lunch today and I opened my mouth to take a bite and it sounded as if a gunshot went off in my head! Turns out, it was my neck cracking!!!! :shock:

I would love to go back to massage therapy, my problem is is that I'm so self conscience that I have a hard time trusting anyone and would be mortified if someone were judging me for how i look....

My massage therapist that was so wonderful was a good friend, I was his "guinea pig" while he went to massage therapy school and after he graduated, kept going. 2 hour sessions for $40!

He knows about Fibro and he knows there will be no more Deep tissue massages. But, there will just be no more. He's moved to NY and leaving soon for FL.

Yes, I DO have issues. :wink:

going back to therapist tomorrow to see about hypnotherapy again to try and relieve all this stress, get my bp back down to normal before my heart blows up, and try to become human again, somehow.

Beware the Penguin


Post by Guest »

Dear Penquin...

The driven need to find some kind of relief over ruled my self image problems. At the point I began massage therapy I felt so badly that I didn't give a hoot about what others thought, well that is not true it took quite a bit of self talk and probably six months before I made an appt! hahahaha It wasn't easy, as my massage therapist is at the local fitness center. buff and firm I r not!

Stress is the mind and body killer. Right now is a very stressful time in my life. It heightens all the symptoms of the RLS, the muscles are taunt and the mind races. Stress for me is fear, many fears - too many fears. In the grip of fear I lose sight of hope. Being in that deep dark pit, how can one see the brightness? Send me a ladder will you?

It helps to remind myself, hey I too can have a paddle, I can get in that boat and stir up some hope... some days I am too tired, too hurt, too miserable, and I remind myself constantly that those with the paddles are rowing for me. That they understand that I will be there soon, that there will be days when I can pull myself into the boat and use that oar to stir up hope for them.

When I was younger out of desperation I used the fear mantra from Dune just to make it through a minute, an hour, a day or night, I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

Your comment to be human again strikes close to home. You are human dear Penguin. Being human is we are just good souls, wanting to be given the opportunity to do something good.

The velocity of events is our biggest problem. If we had the time we could process, understand, and solve many of the problems that seem insurmountable. Things are coming at us too fast to duck. We get hit and we fear getting hit. The world will not slow down.

I can.

We can remember how human we felt when we could really mobilize our love.

I do not have to jump every time the collective boogeymen say to. I can take a few minutes, right now, to close my eyes and contemplate infinity. The universe is endless. Imagine that. Close your eyes and imagine that for just a few minutes.

High stress times produce the greatest miracles. I feel like the universe is testing me I feel hopeless. Deep down somewhere in my heart I know that this is the spiritual clue that something powerful is about to happen.

Am I concious of this at the time? Nooooo. What we think is loss may be the most beautiful gift. The ways of process are amazing. It takes time though.

We are so fortunate to have so many others, especially those people here at rls.org. Their emotional support can help us to not lose sight of our nobility and humanity in the face of adversity. Life is a circle, sometimes I am on the bottom, yet I know even if I lose sight of its movement... that sooner or later the continuous motion of this lifes journey will pull me through.

Love and healing light, Hazel

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Joined: Thu Sep 01, 2005 12:37 pm
Location: ontario

Post by shauntario »

Penguin and Hazel
I wish to say I hope you both are doing better than when I read these two posts--- :cry:
I'm not an expert on fybro by any means-- but I don't know of any one who has it that doesn't hurt when they are touched in a certain spot-- even one spot???? :shock: Maybe you are just unique----I wish I was so lucky :?
the neck cracking-- might find a good chyropractor(SP) and give that a try--- a good one is worth their weight in gold :lol:
AAAAHHH yes self esteem aren't we all a bunch of proud people--- :wink: you need to do whatever is best for you--- who cares what any one thinks---so if it helps you go-- and not worry about what the massage therapist might or might not think--- kinda like a doctor-- seen one seen em all :oops: i don't mean that to sound mean at all-- just the mom in me coming out ----
look at it like this--- a woman about to give birth--- when the time comes---- you lose all sense of shyness--- that is the most compromising position a woman can be in--- and when you are in this much pain you are glad to see that doctor or nurses face whichever the case might be-- cause you know deep down they are they to help you through it.
Stressed -- yipper--I do that real well :shock: one of my many talents :lol: my stress buster--I,ma weed puller---- any thing that should.t be there goes!!!! I suffer with really bad spasms when i try to settle in-- but it does help with the stress-- gonna hurt any way--so---I try not to over do it but---- thats another one of my talents--- :oops: to me if I can do something physical I do--- some days I can't---my doctor back home told me years ago to stay as active as I possibly can or someday I could end up in a wheel chair---- made a believer out of me----- the days when we are in so much pain-- makes us all sad and depressed---that all does seem hopeless-- thats when we look at others around us --like the person that has no legs and be thankful that ours hurt---- I try to stay as positive as I can and try to remember that there is always some one whos worse off than I am
I will close now--I need to fix supper--
I do not understand the time on this board at all---- its 5;30 pm where I live---- some of the posts i read say a whole lot later that ????
Have a good rest of the day or night you wonderful people :D

Posts: 645
Joined: Tue Aug 02, 2005 8:19 pm
Location: Kansas

Post by ksxroads »

Dear Shauntario -

Don't know if it is the weather changes making the body hurt more, the disease, or stressful life circumstances, but I have been deeply depressed today, good lord did I ramble on or what!

Time here is roughly 4:52 CDT.

I agree that keeping active helps. I do tai chi exercises which honestly have helped with my digestive problems. Somedays I need that extra med to keep active. That is a fact of life I am coming to terms with.

Best post this before it gets later... 4:56 hahahaha

Will says he is cooking tonight! YEA!!!! he is a better cook than I am!

Hazel in much better mood

Posts: 13
Joined: Thu Sep 01, 2005 12:37 pm
Location: ontario

Post by shauntario »

Hello Hazel and Everyone
Sorry i did.nt reply to your post sooner-
-i am sooo glad your mood had gotten better!!!
It's been pretty hectic around here this last week -
-I went to two doc appointments-- my sleep specialist--
he put me on Mirapex---50 mg @ bedtime--
and my family doc she increased my Remeron to 60 mg@bedtime--
not much change as of yet--
i have been sleeping a couple of hours on the couch --
then i,m awake and up and down for the duration of the night-
-hopefully we are on the right track--
Hey, a couple hours of sleep is better than none :shock:
They neither one want to give me any thing for the pain---
-I hope they change their minds about that real soon----
with the weather changing the fibro has been working overtime already!!
Spent the day winterizing yeaterday-- what a pain--literally-
-it was rainy, windy :(
made me hurt all over-- especially my lower back--!!!!!!!

I don't know what i would do without my friend the heating pad-- ahhh a True Godsend!!!
Back to trying to finish getting things ready for the cold--- it will get here sooner than we think--yuk!!!!!!
Take care
Have a wonderful weekend

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