I cannot live this way anymore..........

[bharrod]

Okay, I was up again most of the night last night!
Seriously, I am at my witts end and I cannot take this anymore....
I can no longer live this way.....I REFUSE TO LIVE THIS WAY ANYMORE.
I HATE myself, I hate my life, I hate everything because I am so sleep deprived that I cannot even think straight anymore.

I cannot take care of my children anymore, I cannot clean my house anymore, it's just too much work for me.

Without sleep, I am useless. The house is a wreck, I have no energy to breath let alone clean my house.

I am done, I'm serious, something has to give or I am afraid of what I may do.

I just need sleep, My doctor refuses to treat me anymore, he thinks I am lying about the RLS. He thinks I'm a drug addict seeking a quick fix, mother ****! I have no history of drug/pill abuse !!

I am depressed over this sh**, I am crying, I don' t want my mother in law coming to visit from out of town today either, but it's too late she is already on her way from Kentucky to Virginia.

My kids are both sick, I am tired, fat, very angry, and depressed.

All night long, all I do is eat, because I cannot sleep.
I just want to run away but I can't.
No one is taking me seriouisly, no doctors will treat me, I cannot live this way no more.
I'm at my witts end !!

[KBear]

You need to find another Doctor and fast. Do you have a walk in clinic that you can go to today? If so print out the Mayo Clinic Algorithym and go. I know the level of desperation you have reached I've been there, you can not afford to put this off. Don't ask for drugs just explain what you are going through and what medications you have tried. (You might want to avoid talking about experimenting with your husbands pain meds that will send up red flags.)

I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your MIL but perhaps you can turn her visit into a way to help you through this. If you can talk to her let her know what you are going through and ask for her help. You might be surprised by her response.

You can't do everything right now but you might be able to do one thing. That one thing needs to be the most important thing, only you can determine what that is. It might be taking care of your kids but if you can get help watching the kids it might be just getting yourself to the doctors office. The key is to pick just one thing and do it the best you can. This will help you to feel better about yourself and your situation.

Do not allow yourself to feel overwhelmed by everything that needs to get done. Do just one thing and celebrate your ability to do it. Unless you are all out of clean clothes to wear, the laundry can wait heck it's summer it's too hot for clothes anyway , the dishes can wait, you don't need dishes to eat , a healthy and happy home is rarely "neat freak" clean so don't sweat a little dust and dirt.

Remember you are sick, this is an illness not a character flaw.

[bharrod]

You need to find another Doctor and fast. Do you have a walk in clinic that you can go to today? If so print out the Mayo Clinic Algorithym and go. I know the level of desperation you have reached I've been there, you can not afford to put this off. Don't ask for drugs just explain what you are going through and what medications you have tried. (You might want to avoid talking about experimenting with your husbands pain meds that will send up red flags.)

I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your MIL but perhaps you can turn her visit into a way to help you through this. If you can talk to her let her know what you are going through and ask for her help. You might be surprised by her response.

You can't do everything right now but you might be able to do one thing. That one thing needs to be the most important thing, only you can determine what that is. It might be taking care of your kids but if you can get help watching the kids it might be just getting yourself to the doctors office. The key is to pick just one thing and do it the best you can. This will help you to feel better about yourself and your situation.

Do not allow yourself to feel overwhelmed by everything that needs to get done. Do just one thing and celebrate your ability to do it. Unless you are all out of clean clothes to wear, the laundry can wait heck it's summer it's too hot for clothes anyway , the dishes can wait, you don't need dishes to eat , a healthy and happy home is rarely "neat freak" clean so don't sweat a little dust and dirt.

Remember you are sick, this is an illness not a character flaw.

HELP I AM NOT ABLE TO DOWN THE Mayo Clinic Algorithym IT SHOWS UP AS A BLANK DOCUMENT? HELP?

[becat]

B,
Your not alone.
My house has sat this way for months, I do what I can and then fall over.
Somedays I make choices about what I can do.......what my body can do.

Your not going anywhere, we can't have that. Tired, worn out, and sleep deprived is our business around here.

No I wouldn't want visitors either, but let her come. Let her clean if she wishes, and watch your kids. Honestly, I know how it feels and your not letting anyone of them down. Take a hot bath and then rest if you can.
I'm not one to say, I need your help. I'm out, I'm done, I can't do this right know......but I'm learning that I have to every so often. So ask for her help and let her be grandma, mommy, and whatever fills her heart to help you.

The other thing you need is your husband. Find someone, I have no idea about the docs on the docs on this site's list, but find the closest support group leader and ask for a doc's name and number........TAKE you HUSBAND with you. He backs up your story, he adds his own insight, and he can bully back if needed. I never could bully back when I needed to, didn't have the energy.

My husband told my long time doc, "Help her now! We'll fix the fire as we go, but help her right now!" It helped for many reasons. See if he won't go to the doc or any doc with you.

B., don't think this is something I haven't said myself. I'm done with this life, but only this way.
My children grew up with a mom that had no sleep and no help, no answers. You can.

We'll help carry your heart and you can vent with us......but if you have the offer of a bit of help, your not wrong in taking it. It's ok, your being healthy makes for a healthy family.......Your not lying or making this up.......

Get the hubby, hug the grandma, and go find that doc that will listen.
My prayers and love will fill the moon tonight.......
If your up, go find the moon and let our love and strength shine on you, fill your heart, and repair the Fight you need to get that help.
We're here darlin'.
Hugs ((((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))))))
Lynne

[KBear]

This link should work. On my copy I have highlighted the things I have already tried and made notes about things that did not work or made things worse.

http://www.mayoclinicproceedings.com/pd ... 907Crc.pdf

[becat]

It Works Kathy,
Thank you for putting it up there and it's an awesome idea to highlight the copy for the doc. .......

I wanted to add B.........you have to get whatever doc emotionally involved, right off the bat.

"I'm here. I'm ready for the job, are you? I need a partner in my treatment."

Yes, I've said it more than once to some of the docs.....sometimes it goes no where, then there is that one time, it helps. Hits their heart and opens them up.

Just more (((((((((hugs))))))), as I've been there and I know, Kathy has too!

Don't give up, we won't.
Lynne

[ViewsAskew]

Ditto what Lynne said. Without anxiety, without anger, without deperation, look your doctor in the eyes and say, "I am in need. What I need is a partner - someone to work with me to help me resolve this situation. Some one who will listen to me, take me seriously, and hear what I am saying. I'd like you to be the one to do that. Are you willing?"

If you are at your wit's end, you have few choices, but all of them require you to take action and it's hard when you're so tired. Either enlist your husband to go with you to the doctor to help explain it, or explain it yourself. Start calling doctors. Use the main rls.org site and go to the find a provider area. Call everyone in your area;call sleep doctors, call neurologists. Explain your situation to the nurse - no whining or complaining, simply stating what you need and that you need it quickly. When I was where you are, I called 30 doctor's offices, one at a time, a few a day. Most wouldn't help me. Some didn't know how. But, I found a few who were willing.

[ctravel12]

Oh B I just got on the board and read your post. I am so sorry for what you are going through. You got some excellent advise from some great members.

I know that you said your mother-in-law is coming. I am sure that she can watch the children for you while you are looking for a dr and am praying that you find a good one. Being sleep deprived is one of the most miserable things out there.

Hey B, the house can wait but your quality of life will not.

Please keep us posted on how you are doing. You know that this is a wonderful group and we are here for you no matter what. Whenever you just want to talk, vent or even scream go for it. We will definitely be here for you.

[bharrod]

Wow,
I just had a chance to log on and I read all of your message and I am just overwhelmed with emotion right now. I cannot believe that people whom have never even met me before are offering me their telephone numbers, their prayers, their sincere sympathies. I am just overwhelmed with feelings of love and concern from people who actually understand what it feels like to feel this way.
Thanks so much to you all and big (((HUGS))) from me to you all.

Well, I am doing "ok". I slept a bit today, but then about 5pm my RLS showed up with avengence, so I was forced to get up. I talked with my husband tonight and he talked me in to trying the Ultram (Tramadol) again. So I took 2 of them and so far so good. They stopped working for me before and made me feel very sick, but so far so good for now. I took them about 2 hours ago and not feeling nauseated "yet". Crossing my fingers and toes.

My mother in law arrived, but I don't dare talk to her about this, she wouldn't understand and she has her own health issues to deal with.
My mum lives across the street from me, but she is no help at all.

I was going to go to the Emergency Room today because I couldn't stop crying and I felt suicidal. So I called up my mom across the street and asked her if she could watch my 2 yr old son and my 4 yr old daughter and she said NO, it was her only day off and she was too busy.
So I hung up on her and cried a few hours more. I should have known not to ask her for anything, that is how she has always been, never cared about anyone but herself. I hope I never turn out like her with my own children.

Anyway, my husband worked very late, and my mother in law didn't get here until later this afternoon. So I have been busy with them since then. It's hard for me to cry in front on anyone, so I do it all alone. They have no real idea how much trouble I am in, that is why I come to this board, I feel safe to talk about it here. That is sad to say but true.

I guess if I let them see me break down and cry, then I will appear to be weak, and then I might get more depressed over this issue. Who knows, I just know that I cry a lot, all alone these days because of my RLS. And because the doctors will not help me. But tomorrow I am in search of a new family doctor and I have new hope that there has to be someone out there who really cares about me and the serious issues I am having right now.

Thanks so much to you all, and I will keep you posted regularly.
((((HUGS BIGGER HUGS)))

BHARROD
AKA MIA

[Sojourner]

Mia, I'm so glad things are a bit better for you at this moment and hope you continue to find some measure of peace.

Are you close to or reasonably close to a major university hospital? Many have rls clinics and virtually all will have a range of specialties such as neurology, psychiatry, etc. which you might be able to access until you find a provider who will help you. You mentioned you thought about going to the ER and even though things are better you may still want to consider this. Does your hospital have a mental health component? Anyway, you may want to be proactive in dealing with "things" while you are doing better and not in a crisis state. It's hard to keep putting out the fires.

Do you have an affiliation with a local church. The church "community" can be a great source of support and hands on assistance.

Is there a local rls support group nearby from whom you might seek support and advice?

Kbear is right. RLS is an illness and not a character flaw. I'm glad you are finding some measure of comfort and support here. But, do not be afraid to seek more direct support. As you said these are "serious issues."

I know I cannot put myself in your shoes and though I can imagine how you are feeling I also cannot imagine how you are feeling. But, I...we...are here. You are a person of worth and strength. I am in awe of your great spirit. It is because of that that I know you will get though this.

You are in my prayers.

[SquirmingSusan]

Bharrod, I can so relate to all that you are going through. And I think most of us in this forum have had to search long and hard for a doctor who is knowledgeable enough about RLS, and willing to work with us. It's a difficult and frustrating process.

I wish you the best with your search for a new doctor.

[Neco]

I would have posted something earlier, but I'm not really good at that kinda stuff (I think).. Hoping the tramadol works out for you this time.

I've got half a pill left and work tomorrow myself, so.. haha for me You aren't alone.

[pokerdiva]

I really truly feel for you, OMG what an ordeal you are going through. I really hope you find a good doc and get some relief. Just keep trying and you'll get there. If I were you I wouldn't be afraid to tell a doctor how you are feeling, I mean if you are suisidal I'm sure they would be more apt to listen and care. Emergency room doesn't sound like a bad place to be either, at least you know you are safe from yourself. Who wouldn't be a bit depressed feeling this way and not getting any sleep.

I'm glad you tried the tramodol, it works wonders for me, I love it. I take 6, 50mg pills a day to make the daytime stuff go away, then I take MS Contin at night, I feel fortunate to have the doc that I do. Anyhow hang in there, it will get better.

Kat

[Penguinrocks]

Mia....

welcome to the fold. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!

Isn't that a wonderful thing to know? Until I came here, I sure thought I was...but we are HERE for each other...

Days are turning HOT and i can't stand the pain right now...but i know that it will subside...i really HATE having to learn how to live with this but, God has a lot more things for me to do so I have to hold on.

Never think you can't come here to vent...we'd be upset if you didn't!

love you and penguin hugs...

Penguin

[Polar Bear]

I know that this forum practically saved my sanity when I found it about 7 months ago.
Thanks, Betty