EMOTIONAL FEELINGS!!!!

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lyndarae
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EMOTIONAL FEELINGS!!!!

Post by lyndarae »

Is it just me or do I have company?? I was chatting with my my homie girl here who you all know(no names) but we were sharing some of our feelings about how we cry alot and have feelings of being worthless. It got me to thinking, we talk alot about our meds and our symptoms of rls, but how many of us talk about our emotional feelings? For me ( I will only speak for myself here but I wonder how much of my anger,fear,lonelyness,depression,sadness (I could keep going, is from my rls) I beat up on myself on a daily bases, I put myself down in my thoughts all the time. I am a good person but I cant convince myself of that. I cry all the time I am very sensitive, I am angry,sad and I have a false smile on most of the time. People ask me how are you and I lie and say good, when really I am not good at all. It makes me wonder what kind of feelings I would have about myself without rls. How much of rls makes me who I am, who I might be without rls. I know I am a huge crybaby, I could cry right now and might later, I dont like feeling sorry for myself and try to deal with what is, but in doing that it makes me a lier, because I really am emtional all the time but who wants to hear me say what I am really feeling? I just wonder if people who dont have rls have this rollercoster of emotions going on all the time. I was born with rls so I dont know anything different, but I do know that I am an emotional wreak all the time and I cover it up with being a jokester and jokeing around all the time when inside I am really crying hmmmmmmmmm well I have put it out there told on myself. My head(most of the time) knows I am not worthless but my heart tells me different or is it my rls making me feel like this? Just thinking out loud I guess. Can any of you relate to this?~~~~~~Lyndarae

mackjergens
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Post by mackjergens »

I too have had RLS all my life, inherited from grandmother and mother. While I spent years living on 2-4 hrs of sleep each night, and while this was during the time I was raising my family I have to say, I was tired all the time, but never felt helpless or worthless.
I would get really upset at night when everyone was sleeping but me, and I would cry with my legs at night, beat on them, and then keep walking, wringing my hands, I suppose at those times I did feel helpless.

It was also very upsetting to go to Drs only to have them look at me as if I was nuts. But I knew in my own mind I was not nuts and the feelings in my legs were actually happening, even when my kids and family thought I was strange *L* I just kept going and doing my thing, life is way to short to give up!

Could it be some of the meds you are taking that could be causing these feelings? It is normal for all of us to be down at times, we all have our highs and lows, but if you are having these everyday, you really need to discuss this with your Dr. You might need an antidepressant to help you cope, and there are a couple that usually do not increase your rls.

The one thing I have learned over the years of dealing with RLS, IF you let it get to you, and start stressing while having RLS attack you can make it worse, as hard as it is, its way better to just get up and do something to keep busy on your feet to make the creepie crawlies stop, because stressing will only make your legs worse and your mental worse.
Please don't live your life feeling worthless, life goes by so fast, dont waste it, ask your Dr. for help!

ViewsAskew
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Post by ViewsAskew »

Lyn - seems totally logical to me that because RLS is caused by a malfuntion that affects the brain's chemistry, that this could well be part of it. My gut tells me that each of us might be affected differently. Could be that some of us are short only on dopamine, but that others of us are also short on serotonin or GABA. Together, these would shortages would have a strong affect on emotions.

But, I also can remember that Mirapex made me much the way you are explaining. I would start crying while walking down the street - had no idea why. Everything seemed so overwhelming to me. I always thought that the dopamine was too excessive for my brain and that this excess inhibited serotonin. But, of course I am not a doc and have no actual "knowing" that this was true. I do know that stopping the Mirapex made it all go away for me.

That is me, though, and the chemistry inside each of us is so different. I do believe, though, that RLS does change our brain chemistry is ways that affect how we perceive the world around us.
Ann - Take what you need, leave the rest

Managing Your RLS

Opinions presented by Discussion Board Moderators are personal in nature and do not, in any way, represent the opinion of the RLS Foundation, and are not medical advice.

SquirmingSusan
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Post by SquirmingSusan »

(((((((Lyndarae))))))

I can relate to a lot of that, although lately I've been too ill and tired to care. I have some sinus stuff going on and for the last few months I've had cold after cold after cold after cold after allergies.

My emotions were really on a roll after I had augmentation on Requip, and it took months to get over the suicidal depression I had. And yeah, I take Effexor, which I know makes RLS worse.

But I barely function around the house - don't cook meals or anything like that, and can't keep up with 2 slobby teens and a slob husband as far as keeping the house in order.

And no way could I get up in the morning and go to a job!

So yeah, I have a current of feelings of worthlessness running though me at all times. Sometimes it's more on the surface and sometimes it's more buried, but it's always there.

A lot of it is related to the RLS. But I also have some chronic fatigue type thing going on with me that I really need to get help for. It's one thing to only sleep well between 5am and 1pm, and it's another to be totally nonfunctional the rest of the time as well.

"They" say that men value themselves by what they do and women value themselves by relationships, but I don't fit that mold. I very much like to work, have a calling to ministry and just love ministry, and very much feel worthless when I'm not working.

But like I said, it's an undercurrent of worthlessness, and most of the time I just don't worry about it. My family loves me anyway and they know where to find me (in bed). :?

Anyway, Lyndarae, take care of yourself. I don't think it's all that "normal" to be sad and crying all the time because of the RLS. Because of the meds, maybe... I would take to the doc about it. Sometimes there are therapists who work with people with chronic illness - do you have access to one of them?
Susan

lyndarae
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Post by lyndarae »

Well I would have to be honest and say I have ben in thearopy many different times. And it helped me figure alot of things out about myself. I know when I have depression cause I fall into a big black hole and cant get out. I am out of that hole and have been out since I became sober almost 5 years ago. I know we all have our ups and downs and from my background I think most of my times have been down. But the advice about the mirapex is a good one, thanks, even tho it works very well for the rls, I am wondering if it is the cause of my feelings or if its just life happening to me. My family must have thought all mothers were always in bed cause girl I hear ya on that one, I was always in the bed, I think I spent most of my daughters young years there, missed out on alot and am paying for it now, but cant change any of that I guess I am just sick of being sick and tired, but my life moves on and I will make the most of it even tho its a struggle, what doesnt kill me only makes me stronger right thanks for the feed back on this one and the honesty its not easy sharing these types of feelings for me anyway ~~~~~~~ Lyndarae

ctravel12
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emotional feelings!!!!

Post by ctravel12 »

Hi Lyndarae If you feel up to we will be chatting tonight at 7 pm az time and not too sure if you are just an hr different.

Hope to hear from you and also hope that you are feeling better.

Take care my friend and sending lots of hugs your way and hope that it helps.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Charlene
Taking one day at a time

becat
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Post by becat »

(((((((((Lyndarae))))))))

You know I love you, you are a part of my family.

Yes, I feel some of what you feel. Have had bouts of depression, but honestly think that it was for good reasons, life hands out blows sometimes. It seeems that for my husband and myself, it's never here or there stuff happens........it all falls at once or every two months. You never get a chance to deal with one blow before somthing equally as important happens and your dealing with that, too.

I, agree with Ann, this stuff messes with the very things we all need to function normally and our brain finds itself overrun, with no sleep, RLS, and then you have to have a real life on top of all that.

I can handle most anything with some pain relief and some sleep. Honest, I can fight like a lion, work like a mule, and be fun, willing to enjoy the game of life.

But chronic pain and no sleep, I find many things not doable. So my normal is different from everyone I know, except here, and I do my best.

This surgery was hard for me. The glory was 18 days without any RLS, thankfully I think the meds helped, but the trama took over my body and gave me a break.

The worst part was being alone. My mother left after 12 days. Hubby travels much of every week. Youngest still living at home is gone with work and a girlfriend. My local friends, well, who knows what happened there.
I've spent much of the last 2 month by myself. Can't do anything. No one to see, couldn't drive until 2 wks ago. Just me. It took no time at all to become untrusting of others, unwilling to go anywhere, and unexcited about anything. It suxs.

Lyndarae, it's times like this that I have to fight my way back out. And somehow I do.
I do not have clinical depression, which is just not easy to do without help, meds, or therapy. So be mindful of that and keep up on those connections you have that will help you through.
I, for one, would do all I could for you.

I'm glad you started this thread. We have so much going on and the added strain of RLS can be maddening. I'm so glad you shared. I got to as well.

Family is an awesome thing.

Hugs and a moon full of love and prayers for all,
Lynne

Our normal is not like people that can sleep when they need it.

Sojourner
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Post by Sojourner »

Dear L, Thanks for sharing so much. I feel what you perceive as weakness is truly a strength. I had a bout with requip that was emotionally stupifying. But, at the end of the day, we are what we are. I have often posted to others to be "gentle" with themselves. I remind myself of this everyday. Life is a battle. Life with RLS is a war. We all deal with each the best we can. Life and RLS beat us up every day so no need to do it to ourselves--physically or emotionally. Easier said then done... exactly why we should be gentle with ourselves. Best wishes.

M.
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dogeyed
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Post by dogeyed »

Mark, so good to get a male point of view on women being too harsh with themselves. Men are so strong. If I didn't have my husband to balance me, I'd be in the nuthouse by now.

Lyn, I have had depression off and on my whole life, RLS did not come until almost four years ago. The depression, took me a long time to realize that it's just the way I am, always nervous. At the moment I'm in the middle of major clinical depression, which is on acount of some recent barriers thrown in my usual path, not the least of which is health problems. Years of therapy give me the tools to climb over, but it's still hard. I think since some posters here suggested medication may be accentuating sadness is something to consider. One of the tranquilizers I have to take does that, but I recognize it and that alone helps.

Ah, depression, eats at the essence of a person. One thing I do know is the very thing we don't want to do, exercise and doing things, is what helps us stand up to dread. Keeping the body as strong as we can helps deflect psychological attacks. Also, looking outward instead of inward helps. It's not how deep and dark the hole, it's the light at the top. And trusting in your own good and accepting where you are, I call it counting blessings, they're the handholds to climb out.

Really appreciate everyone sharing their frailties. I'm stuck at the moment and also having a hard time. But I keep putting goals out there and checking them off the list, I keep moving forward when I want to go backwards, and I try to stand in my fear instead of running away from it. It's slow-going, but I remain hopeful.
GG

Sojourner
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Post by Sojourner »

Prior to my initiial post I must have rewritten paragraph after paragraph and deleted most. At the moment, I think I may have been posting to myself and not L. Even after posting I was doubtful that what I meant to say was actually said. I think what came out was more related to my melancholy mood at the time and a maybe a bit out of character with the general tone of the thread. For that I apologize. I am not strong or brave. In comparison to most here and to most in general I am a wimp. I cannot speak for men as a whole. I too have benefited from the strength and balance of my wonderful dearest one. If there is a truism, I think it is the general perception that men do not show their feelings to the extent of the "fairer sex." I'm not sure that women are more harsh toward themselves than men but that women seem to express their fears, doubts, and frailities more honestly. I think that is what I admire about L's post and others in this thread (and others), be they men or women. That is the vulnerability that we all have, the desire to share, to help, and perhaps the most difficult, to ask for help. That I think is the essence of what makes this forum so special. I think L's post and responses are a reflection of that "specialness." For that, I am extemely greateful.

M.
This post simply reflects opinion. Quantities are limited while supplies last. Some assembly required.

lyndarae
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Post by lyndarae »

OK So now I am crying, but they are good tears, because of all you have shared with me. I think I have figured out alot of what has brought on this (melancholy mood) as Mark put it so nicely. My feelings of sadness are due me. The hollidays are here again....... and for me they are times of great sadness. I am alone. My daughters and granbabies will all be together with their dad and his wife, my youngest is pregnant with twins, my oldest just had another son 8 months ago, I have not seen her for over 5 years now. Her oldest son is 6 so that tells you, I do not know my own grandbabies, I am not a part of my own family. I am not invited to share in the joy of thanksgiving, I have been left out, I am the x.......This brings a pain so deep in my soul, I can't breath at times. A pain that makes my rls pain a joy ride. This is my own doing I have no one to blame but myself. My daughters do not want to spend time with me, they do not know the sober me, and even after 5 years they do not trust me. So this is my burden to bare. I do the best I can day to day, and try not to get a resentment. The anger turns to fear and so on...........I was married on dec 19th for 18 years and it has been a long lonely 10 years on my own. I am the man and the women of my household. I do it all day after day and at times I get very tired and feel like giving up. It would be so nice just to have someone bring me a glass of water. BUT I am strong and I know everything happens for a reason and I am right where I am suppose to be I trust in a higher power and I will get through the hollidays again just like I did last year. So if I have added more sadness to any of you forgive me, but this is my sadness, it is real and I know the meds I take dont help and I know I work too hard and I know I am too hard on myself and I know more than anything I would just like a soft place to fall for a while and if that is meant to happen it will. Untill then, or not!!!! I just am grateful to you all for letting me have this soft place to fall and to vent, because stuffing it will surely push me over that edge and I never want to go there again. I know there are people out there who are suffering alot more than I am, and believe me I am grateful for what I have, I just get so lost sometimes without my family in my life, I get down and I miss them so deep in my heart I can't think about anything else but what I am missing out on, what is mine. They are with me in spirit tho and noone can take that from me, so I know I need to pull up the old boot strings and march on, get busy and out of myself, and that is just what I intend to do. I have alot to do today and the requip is almost out of my system so its time to get off the couch and out in the fresh air and sunshine. I am here for a reason, maybe today will be the day I find out why, and I dont want to miss that......I cant thank you enough for spending your time reading this I did go on huh, sorry about that. Life can be tough I just need to be tougher and that is one thing I know how to do, I started this thread and I have read all your posts and I say GOD BLESS alll of you~~~~~~~~~~~~~Lyndarae

Sojourner
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Post by Sojourner »

Hey L, you'll probably never get rid of us :) . This will be my last post but no I can't promise :) ! You're plate is certainly full. To quote a phrase from the movie Contact: "Small steps, Ellie. Small steps." Don't know if you are familiar with Lou Holtz, former Nortre Dame football coach and now tv sports anylyst but.. A week after the University of Michigan footbal team was humiliated by a lower division football school (can't even bear to mention their name), Lou was asked what he would say if he were the coach giving a "pep" talk to the UM team to help them get over this and prepare for the rest of the season. I don't remember the whole speech but it was very good. However there was one bit that I remembered and which I will attribute to Lou but very well could be one he borrowed from someone else. I may be paraphrasing a bit but I'm close and it goes something to this effect: "...and that's why God put eyes in the front of our head and not the rear..so we can look forward and not back.." What great advice but, and where have I heard this before, easier said then done so be gentle with yourself dear friend. Your enthusiasm is remarkable and I know you will make a dent in that plate!

Best of luck.

M.
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ctravel12
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EMOTIONAL FEELINGS !!!!

Post by ctravel12 »

Hi Lyndarae
If I was there now I would put my arms around you and tell you that everything will be ok, but since I can't I will just give you a cyber hug and hope that helps ((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I will keep you in my daily prayers and ask God to please protect you and make things better. If you lived closer, I would definitely have you over for the holidays. I know I am not immediate family, but family of the rlsers.

Hang in there friend you are alot stronger than you realize. Anytime you feel like talking, I am here for you and so are the rest of the group.

If you ever feel just like chatting during the week, just give a holler and I will be there.
Charlene
Taking one day at a time

Polar Bear
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Post by Polar Bear »

Hi L, may you find strength. I think of you. xx

lyndarae
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Post by lyndarae »

Happy Hump day everyone!!!!HEHEHEHE I must say a little attitude adjustment was in order for me. I read my post as tho it was someone else who wrote it, and several thoughts came to mind, the first being......................my daughters are adults it is their choice on how they want to behave and who they want to spend their time with, and someday when their children ask questions about their nana they will have to explain..... another........I am NOT alone. Just a bad moody day yesterday, I have those from time to time(gee I wonder why) but all your love and kindness made me step back and do some serious thinking about myself, so thanks so much for everything, I guess I just needed to vent and am go grateful I have this board and all of you, MY FAMILY, and I even got to choose you all LOL Your prayers worked for me, I am sending them right back atcha!~~~~~~~~~~~~Lyndarae

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