Jan,
do you agree that you have refractory RLS? Did you read the Algorithm?
Unless you have tried an anticonvulsant as an add-on with your Mirapex you should try an opiate, it says. Or maybe Dostinex, because that is actually the best DA for 24/7 RLS. But I guess you don't get that in the USA because of the price.
And no, you may not borrow my husband. Although, on second thoughts, I would actually do anything to help you out of your misery.
Corrie
Too much press???
Hi Corri
It's Jan
Yes, I agree that I probably have refractory RLS. I'm on Klonopin and Mirapex. That combination has worked for a long time, but I have to juggle the dosage of Mirapex a bit.
THANK YOU SO MUCH, CORRIE! You have really tried to help me and you've been here all the time with a word of encouragement, offering help, all week! I really appreiate it.
I'm a little bit better and I'll take that any day! I've got to settle down and write my Q of L statement. I had it all done the other morning, and in my sleep deprived state, I lost the darn thig somehow. It wasn't even in trashcan! ARGHHHHHHHHHH
Thanks for all your support.
Jan
Yes, I agree that I probably have refractory RLS. I'm on Klonopin and Mirapex. That combination has worked for a long time, but I have to juggle the dosage of Mirapex a bit.
THANK YOU SO MUCH, CORRIE! You have really tried to help me and you've been here all the time with a word of encouragement, offering help, all week! I really appreiate it.
I'm a little bit better and I'll take that any day! I've got to settle down and write my Q of L statement. I had it all done the other morning, and in my sleep deprived state, I lost the darn thig somehow. It wasn't even in trashcan! ARGHHHHHHHHHH
Thanks for all your support.
Jan
No one is alone who had friends.
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IanFraughton
- Posts: 65
- Joined: Thu Feb 17, 2005 7:11 pm
- Location: Vernon, BC
- Contact:
Ian
Hi,
Sorry to hear you are all having such a BAD time. It must be the change of season or something because last Wednesday it rained during the night and when I woke up my left leg ached so much I was into the T3s at 10 am. By 1pm I was into my second, and took another one about 7pm, and the ache still wouldn't go away! I went to bed with an ache and mangaged to fall asleep when my 4 Trazodone kicked in but I'm noticing my aching neck and shoulders are waking my up, and then my brain turns on and I can't get back to sleep. Must be going through another rebound on it, which means now like the rest of you I'm going to have to start taking a different drug. It worked so great since the end of Dec I was praying it would last forever. But I knew it wouldn't as how many of us have had only one med? Oh well, maybe I'll ask my Doc to try it again sometime after the next two or three ware off.
One thing that made me mad is going into three months of treatment he now adopting a "pro-active" approach to my RLS! He put me on Levocarb, which has helped a little but for how long? Why didn't we do that from day one. I explained to him the kind of agony I'm going through. My problem is I had a Doc call me a hypercondriac at 13 and my brother at 16, so I pretty much shut my mouth for the next 20 years about my pain, then all of a sudden I'm in the Doc's office with a list of complaints and a disability form. It still took me another month to screw up the nerve to "trust" him and go see him about my problems even after I saw a show and knew I had RLS. Since then I've slowly developed an intense ache in my neck and shoulders muscles, but he doesn't want to investigate because he said it could be related to my not sleeping well. My God, I walked out of that office feeling like I'm lying trying to get on disability. I just can't work anymore, I ache from neck to to toe somedays and he thinks I'm still employable! What do I have to do to convince him, swallow my bottle of Traz. Somedays I'm in so much pain I'm tempted but couldn't put my family through another suicide. My brother killed himself in 90 due to paranoid schizophrenia. I think I'm just going to have to go through the RLS support group to get another Doc. I hope she can I'm running out of patients as well. I see a councillor on Monday I hope she can help me find away to live with this hell for the rest of my life. My anti-depressant(Celexa) is sorta working but I'm still depressed as hell due to the fact that I'll probably spend the rest of my life alone(as I did the first half) as who would want someone in this condition? RLS and clinical depression has stolen most of my life and threatens to steal the rest. I just don't know what to do anymore...
Sorry to hear you are all having such a BAD time. It must be the change of season or something because last Wednesday it rained during the night and when I woke up my left leg ached so much I was into the T3s at 10 am. By 1pm I was into my second, and took another one about 7pm, and the ache still wouldn't go away! I went to bed with an ache and mangaged to fall asleep when my 4 Trazodone kicked in but I'm noticing my aching neck and shoulders are waking my up, and then my brain turns on and I can't get back to sleep. Must be going through another rebound on it, which means now like the rest of you I'm going to have to start taking a different drug. It worked so great since the end of Dec I was praying it would last forever. But I knew it wouldn't as how many of us have had only one med? Oh well, maybe I'll ask my Doc to try it again sometime after the next two or three ware off.
One thing that made me mad is going into three months of treatment he now adopting a "pro-active" approach to my RLS! He put me on Levocarb, which has helped a little but for how long? Why didn't we do that from day one. I explained to him the kind of agony I'm going through. My problem is I had a Doc call me a hypercondriac at 13 and my brother at 16, so I pretty much shut my mouth for the next 20 years about my pain, then all of a sudden I'm in the Doc's office with a list of complaints and a disability form. It still took me another month to screw up the nerve to "trust" him and go see him about my problems even after I saw a show and knew I had RLS. Since then I've slowly developed an intense ache in my neck and shoulders muscles, but he doesn't want to investigate because he said it could be related to my not sleeping well. My God, I walked out of that office feeling like I'm lying trying to get on disability. I just can't work anymore, I ache from neck to to toe somedays and he thinks I'm still employable! What do I have to do to convince him, swallow my bottle of Traz. Somedays I'm in so much pain I'm tempted but couldn't put my family through another suicide. My brother killed himself in 90 due to paranoid schizophrenia. I think I'm just going to have to go through the RLS support group to get another Doc. I hope she can I'm running out of patients as well. I see a councillor on Monday I hope she can help me find away to live with this hell for the rest of my life. My anti-depressant(Celexa) is sorta working but I'm still depressed as hell due to the fact that I'll probably spend the rest of my life alone(as I did the first half) as who would want someone in this condition? RLS and clinical depression has stolen most of my life and threatens to steal the rest. I just don't know what to do anymore...
I call my pacing the "Waltz of the Damned". Anyone care to dance...?
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ViewsAskew
- Moderator
- Posts: 16585
- Joined: Thu Oct 28, 2004 6:37 am
- Location: Los Angeles
Ian, when I read your post I felts so much empathy and pain - for you and for all that are going through these rough times. It is so hard when you don't feel that a doctor is advocating for you. Sometimes I wonder how far we have to go to convince people that this is terribly real.
Ian, I had an experience that may offer a different perspective about the shoulder pain.Funny, but I hadn't thought about this in a long time. Before I knew how bad my PLMD was and didn't realize how little sleep I was getting, I had developed terribly shoulder and neck spasms. This may not be at like what you have, but for me it was awful. I was not able to work, I was in terrible pain, and I wondered if I had some terminal illness! It woke me constantly when I would try to sleep and was a constant during the day. Regular activities were impossible. I tried pain relievers and muscle relaxers but none ever got rid of it. Lo and behold, when I started the Mirapex and got the PLMD under control (different story about the RLS) after a month or so the shoulder/next pain starting diminishing. Within three months, it was gone.
When I get it now, I know that the meds aren't working while I'm sleeping. It's one of the first clues I get that the PLMD is not under control. For me, the PLMD and the RLS are two completely seperate things and each have their own set of symptoms. When I don't sleep due to the RLS, I don't get the shoulder pain.
Ann
Ian, I had an experience that may offer a different perspective about the shoulder pain.Funny, but I hadn't thought about this in a long time. Before I knew how bad my PLMD was and didn't realize how little sleep I was getting, I had developed terribly shoulder and neck spasms. This may not be at like what you have, but for me it was awful. I was not able to work, I was in terrible pain, and I wondered if I had some terminal illness! It woke me constantly when I would try to sleep and was a constant during the day. Regular activities were impossible. I tried pain relievers and muscle relaxers but none ever got rid of it. Lo and behold, when I started the Mirapex and got the PLMD under control (different story about the RLS) after a month or so the shoulder/next pain starting diminishing. Within three months, it was gone.
When I get it now, I know that the meds aren't working while I'm sleeping. It's one of the first clues I get that the PLMD is not under control. For me, the PLMD and the RLS are two completely seperate things and each have their own set of symptoms. When I don't sleep due to the RLS, I don't get the shoulder pain.
Ann
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bradyferguson
- Posts: 74
- Joined: Tue Sep 21, 2004 1:29 pm
Ian, it's Jan
Gosh, I hope I didn't make you feel more hopeless after reading all the garbage I've written this week. I'm so sorry if I did.
I hope you feel better really soon. I hope you find some relief. Please hang on. Don't give up.
I'm sorry.
Jan
I hope you feel better really soon. I hope you find some relief. Please hang on. Don't give up.
I'm sorry.
Jan
No one is alone who had friends.
IAN,BRADY JAN, IAN thanks so much for sharing your feelings and pains. It takes a real man to share like that I thank you so much for it. I feel your fear and frustration,been there,spent most my life there Im an rls lifer and turned to drugs and alcohol to relieve my pain. Not only did it relieve my pain but it relieved everything else in my life too,FAMILY, EMOTIONS,SELFESTEEM. I have spent the last year in a half trying to get help for the rls, because Im an alcoholic in recovery no one wants to touch me with pain meds or benzodizapams(spell). I was about ready to give up and then I found my family here and with their help I have educated myself and finally went right to the source and got a sleep disorder doc.
I really like what Brady had to say,you should listen to him dude,he is one smart guy.The more you share here the more you get back. Many of us have come here in panicks and there has always being someone to help out. Ian, Im single too and worried about who would ever want to be with me,but ya know what people fall in love for the persons sririt,and personality,and I finally decided that I wouldnt want anyone that couldnt handel all of me anyway the good and the bad.
I hope you keep on sharing,and keep on fighting,things will get better,and I will be there in november in orlando too, Together we can deal with this you are not alone anymore.
I love you Jan, AND guess what ladies my landlord is going to let me have a kitten,someone for Poky to play with ehehehehehehehe. GOD BLESS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Lyndarae
I really like what Brady had to say,you should listen to him dude,he is one smart guy.The more you share here the more you get back. Many of us have come here in panicks and there has always being someone to help out. Ian, Im single too and worried about who would ever want to be with me,but ya know what people fall in love for the persons sririt,and personality,and I finally decided that I wouldnt want anyone that couldnt handel all of me anyway the good and the bad.
I hope you keep on sharing,and keep on fighting,things will get better,and I will be there in november in orlando too, Together we can deal with this you are not alone anymore.
I love you Jan, AND guess what ladies my landlord is going to let me have a kitten,someone for Poky to play with ehehehehehehehe. GOD BLESS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Lyndarae
I'm In Awe
I am in AWE of this group of people we have here.
This is what this place is all about. It's just amazing to sit here in the dark reading this thread.......in my little room in Texas.
Ya'll make me proud to be apart of this family we have going here. ......WOW.
To add and answer a few of the post I've missed the last two days:
Corrie, Ian, Sugar, Brady.......Man are ya'll earning your wings or what. Angels for sure each of you. It's not just about the education here, it's the people. The stories and the way we reach out to row for one another.
Brady, that was priceless. I know you must be happy to have been here for Ian.....I told you that you had great effects on this RLS world. I think it's just a begining. An honor to see how far You've come. I'm still so glad your here.
Ian, your post is what we are about. Honesty is a promotion around here. We learn from it. We share it. We support it and you. You've taken a major step in your own healing process. You've said out loud, felt good to get it out. Look what happened, this group jumped right in and cyber hugged you. Thank you for sharing that. You never know who your words will touch.
Corrie, your just too far away some days. I wish the pond was smaller. You offer education, and beautiful support.
Sugar, I wish I could lighten the load. Carry the books or be able to ease the worry. There is hope that you will be able to teach your husband how this really is. It never happens overnight, but you'll find the right way to explain. It happens. If I can learn how, I promise others can too. (like Sara, I thought I should be able to handle this all myself....LOL we live we learn, right?) Your right you have us even after he understands. Still here for ya.
Ann, Thank you for starting this thread.......it's a gift, this one. Your willingness to provide forward movement here is constant. Welcomed and enjoyed.
Sara, Jan, and Lyn:
Lyn.....your honesty and love are part of your beauty. Thank you for teaching us and letting us share in the new you. WORTHY. WORTHY. WORTHY......you are more worthy than you really know, even yet. A kitten for Pokey? Totally cool, and the new one's name is?
JAN.......4 pills.....the others may be right, maybe it's a matter of a test, to see if they help. If it's the other, What does it say about my doctor......he gave months worth at a time? lol maybe, we aren't as close as I thought, he and I. LOL
It's never silly to share. What we say here reminds us that we are not alone. Your a wonderful woman. Caring and kind.......You lit the way for Ian by sharing......
Sara, your strength is something I admire. Your insight here is beyond my limits to explain. There is no mild RLS. There is no way to show people what we have no open wounds for. No scars and no proof, just the facts about our life. We are much like your neighbor, people know what they understand even if they do not see. About being engrossed, yes it's been said that intense mental moments HELP. Your brain gets into what your doing and it's temporary relief from RLS. How do could I be able to sit for hours and work on the trees, it's the Free Zone......Yeah, might be ADD, but it's hard to even do the things that interest us when the body fights for our attention.
My love and ((((((cyber hugs))))) to all of you. Just lovely to to read.
This is what this place is all about. It's just amazing to sit here in the dark reading this thread.......in my little room in Texas.
Ya'll make me proud to be apart of this family we have going here. ......WOW.
To add and answer a few of the post I've missed the last two days:
Corrie, Ian, Sugar, Brady.......Man are ya'll earning your wings or what. Angels for sure each of you. It's not just about the education here, it's the people. The stories and the way we reach out to row for one another.
Brady, that was priceless. I know you must be happy to have been here for Ian.....I told you that you had great effects on this RLS world. I think it's just a begining. An honor to see how far You've come. I'm still so glad your here.
Ian, your post is what we are about. Honesty is a promotion around here. We learn from it. We share it. We support it and you. You've taken a major step in your own healing process. You've said out loud, felt good to get it out. Look what happened, this group jumped right in and cyber hugged you. Thank you for sharing that. You never know who your words will touch.
Corrie, your just too far away some days. I wish the pond was smaller. You offer education, and beautiful support.
Sugar, I wish I could lighten the load. Carry the books or be able to ease the worry. There is hope that you will be able to teach your husband how this really is. It never happens overnight, but you'll find the right way to explain. It happens. If I can learn how, I promise others can too. (like Sara, I thought I should be able to handle this all myself....LOL we live we learn, right?) Your right you have us even after he understands. Still here for ya.
Ann, Thank you for starting this thread.......it's a gift, this one. Your willingness to provide forward movement here is constant. Welcomed and enjoyed.
Sara, Jan, and Lyn:
Lyn.....your honesty and love are part of your beauty. Thank you for teaching us and letting us share in the new you. WORTHY. WORTHY. WORTHY......you are more worthy than you really know, even yet. A kitten for Pokey? Totally cool, and the new one's name is?
JAN.......4 pills.....the others may be right, maybe it's a matter of a test, to see if they help. If it's the other, What does it say about my doctor......he gave months worth at a time? lol maybe, we aren't as close as I thought, he and I. LOL
It's never silly to share. What we say here reminds us that we are not alone. Your a wonderful woman. Caring and kind.......You lit the way for Ian by sharing......
Sara, your strength is something I admire. Your insight here is beyond my limits to explain. There is no mild RLS. There is no way to show people what we have no open wounds for. No scars and no proof, just the facts about our life. We are much like your neighbor, people know what they understand even if they do not see. About being engrossed, yes it's been said that intense mental moments HELP. Your brain gets into what your doing and it's temporary relief from RLS. How do could I be able to sit for hours and work on the trees, it's the Free Zone......Yeah, might be ADD, but it's hard to even do the things that interest us when the body fights for our attention.
My love and ((((((cyber hugs))))) to all of you. Just lovely to to read.
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cornelia
Ian, Jan
Ian, I suffer from real bad neck- ,arms- and shoulderpain too. I am sure it's from the PLMD(W)'s. I often have difficulty (un)dressing myself.
Once I have taken my daily Ultramdrops I feel better.
Jan, please stop saying that your writing was garbage. You know that is not true. It is important to vent, because other people like myself feel that we suffer the same things and then you know that you are not the only one. And there are people who would like to vent, but just are not able to because they are not writers, or shy, or like myself, find it difficult to express such things in a different language. So you are doing it for them too.
And you never know if one of the RLS-researchers is lurking, reading stories like yours and tell themselves that they have to work harder to get a solution to this problem.
Corrie
Once I have taken my daily Ultramdrops I feel better.
Jan, please stop saying that your writing was garbage. You know that is not true. It is important to vent, because other people like myself feel that we suffer the same things and then you know that you are not the only one. And there are people who would like to vent, but just are not able to because they are not writers, or shy, or like myself, find it difficult to express such things in a different language. So you are doing it for them too.
And you never know if one of the RLS-researchers is lurking, reading stories like yours and tell themselves that they have to work harder to get a solution to this problem.
Corrie
Hope
Corrie,
I for one hope your right about the medical Lurkers around here. Doctors could learn so much from this board.
And by the way, I never have a problem understand you, even with your accent. LOL joking!
I agree, Jan I like the fact that you say what you think. It's not easier to find people that understand what this is like. It is so hard to explain to others.
I was all ready to speak to someone about living with RLS this weekend. I knew that would be the subject and this other person was simply trying to get information and learn about it. Really wanted to know My story. BUT I was amazed at how hard it was for me to get the right words out. To connect the dots in order and make sense. I was so mad at myself after, because I felt like I wasted my chance. I don't think I really did, but I thought I had better control about the issue.
When we talk here, it's like old friends or family. So much goes unsaid because we already understand or know the past. Even if it's just in our own terms. With new friends and strangers you have to explain the past to make the present make sense. We already know what brings us here, a common bond before we meet.
We need everyone to keep up the postings. Newbie, current members, us older members.......Each person brings something new and wonderful to the table. Each one of us needs a voice. We grow and get stronger as a group, our voice gets bigger. We may not need star power for change to happen.
I for one hope your right about the medical Lurkers around here. Doctors could learn so much from this board.
And by the way, I never have a problem understand you, even with your accent. LOL joking!
I agree, Jan I like the fact that you say what you think. It's not easier to find people that understand what this is like. It is so hard to explain to others.
I was all ready to speak to someone about living with RLS this weekend. I knew that would be the subject and this other person was simply trying to get information and learn about it. Really wanted to know My story. BUT I was amazed at how hard it was for me to get the right words out. To connect the dots in order and make sense. I was so mad at myself after, because I felt like I wasted my chance. I don't think I really did, but I thought I had better control about the issue.
When we talk here, it's like old friends or family. So much goes unsaid because we already understand or know the past. Even if it's just in our own terms. With new friends and strangers you have to explain the past to make the present make sense. We already know what brings us here, a common bond before we meet.
We need everyone to keep up the postings. Newbie, current members, us older members.......Each person brings something new and wonderful to the table. Each one of us needs a voice. We grow and get stronger as a group, our voice gets bigger. We may not need star power for change to happen.
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IanFraughton
- Posts: 65
- Joined: Thu Feb 17, 2005 7:11 pm
- Location: Vernon, BC
- Contact:
IanFraughton
Thanks everyone,
Sorry for the mood swings Ann and getting off topic. 
Damn anti-depressants! I know I have to change my way of thinking, I'm only letting this stupid disease win and I'm not going to. I find myself practically running here now to read your post as your the only people who understand what I'm going through. So when I don't have the strength, I'm going to borrow it from you all. We are family, one big messed up family, but family none the less. I just tired of the aching and the frustration is all. I know it will get better, I guess its time for me to eat my own words and tell my doc exactly how I feel about doctors in general. I know that doc(when I was 13) would been selling snake oil on the side of the road a hundred years ago but it still left me with an impression they're only in it for the money. To say they are all like that isn't fair to the ones who do care so I'm going to stop thinking that way. I'm going to ask if he believes me and if not I will find one who does.
Well here we go, I'm 35(36 on the 17th) I have a beautiful loving mother, sister and nephew(smart as a whip he is!), friends who care, and my favorite video game Ages of Empires II. I also have friends online who I should get in contact with as they're probably getting worried about me.
Thanks again all for your love and support, I WILL make it I know. Well I should rush of to my councillor appointment. Its a long walk but hey, thats what we do right.
Sorry for the mood swings Ann and getting off topic. Damn anti-depressants! I know I have to change my way of thinking, I'm only letting this stupid disease win and I'm not going to. I find myself practically running here now to read your post as your the only people who understand what I'm going through. So when I don't have the strength, I'm going to borrow it from you all. We are family, one big messed up family, but family none the less. I just tired of the aching and the frustration is all. I know it will get better, I guess its time for me to eat my own words and tell my doc exactly how I feel about doctors in general. I know that doc(when I was 13) would been selling snake oil on the side of the road a hundred years ago but it still left me with an impression they're only in it for the money. To say they are all like that isn't fair to the ones who do care so I'm going to stop thinking that way. I'm going to ask if he believes me and if not I will find one who does.
Well here we go, I'm 35(36 on the 17th) I have a beautiful loving mother, sister and nephew(smart as a whip he is!), friends who care, and my favorite video game Ages of Empires II. I also have friends online who I should get in contact with as they're probably getting worried about me.
Thanks again all for your love and support, I WILL make it I know. Well I should rush of to my councillor appointment. Its a long walk but hey, thats what we do right.
I call my pacing the "Waltz of the Damned". Anyone care to dance...?
AGE OF EMPIRES, Ian??????
JUST got introduced to that around here, and what a coooooool game! Our kids love it!
Glad to hear you back with your spunk returning. You're going to be fine..... creepy and crawly and maybe sleepless like all of us....
.... but you've got grit. And it's a journey and a process. When I first came here, I was at a different "place" in my attitude than where I am now. And a different place in my symptoms as well.
Just keep plugging away, Ian. You're right.... we're strong for each other here. And even if the doc doesn't believe you WE DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Take care and hang in there!!!!
Sara
JUST got introduced to that around here, and what a coooooool game! Our kids love it!
Glad to hear you back with your spunk returning. You're going to be fine..... creepy and crawly and maybe sleepless like all of us....
.... but you've got grit. And it's a journey and a process. When I first came here, I was at a different "place" in my attitude than where I am now. And a different place in my symptoms as well.
Just keep plugging away, Ian. You're right.... we're strong for each other here. And even if the doc doesn't believe you WE DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Take care and hang in there!!!!
Sara
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Guest
Hi all,
Thanks Brady, for sharing your past, I'm sooo glad that hose melted. My brother chose the car/exhast as his choice for "relief". Unfortunatly he used a half inch reinforced hose which wouldn't melt. I had thought that I'd come to accept his death but after hearing your words and talking to the councillor I realized that that was something else that was bothering me. I was using my denial to convience myself I was alright with it but I'm not. My mother convienced herself he died in a car accident and since she has dementia and partial schizophenia I don't argue that fact anymore, she's suffered enough in her life as well.
I lost my best friend when I was 10 because his mother couldn't stand the mental strain of caring for her husband's(who worked very hard and had to commute 1 1/2 hrs a day both ways) very ill mother. So she filled up some gas cans put them in the house a blew them both up. She was thrown clear of the blast and spent two years in a hospital. Her husband came home from work not realizing he had lost 3/5 of his family. He commited suicide the next day in his car of a drug overdose not far from the burned out house. I saw her a couple of years after that and I realized that it wasn't her fault. She seemed more concerned about me than she was about herself. I told her I was doing good, which I was, ate my lunch talked with her for awhile and went back to school. I have never seen her since and hope she atleast found some peace from the torment of what her mental illness did. I refuse to blame her for what she did as she obviously needed help but like me maybe didn't know how to ask for it.
Someone mentioned "a male attitude" to disease and pain. Well its true but its society that makes us feel that way. I grew up on welfare all my life and the depression and RLS didn't help any. I was embarrased my mother had arthritis and couldn't work even though it wasn't her fault. I didn't have a very health mental attitude I realize now and what makes me mad is no one picked up on my depression because I was an expert at hiding it. Of couse I realize now a "weak-male" is one who doesn't cry or share his pain because of fears he he will be laughed at or scorned by other males. We must teach our sons, that a strong male is one who can do both of those things. I still find myself fighting a good cry as I'm afraid it will just overwhelm me and I won't be able to stop. But I also know if I don't cry I'm just hurting myself even more.
I am feeling a little better(though I'm practically twitching outta my chair and my arms are burning from so much typing) since I've talked to a councillor and read ALL these posts from start to finish. She asked me if I relaxed and I answered, "ya I pace" as she had no clue as to what RLS was. I asked her to log in to check out our posts but she seemd reluctant because of her lack of knowledge on the subject. I did my best to inform her what were going through and of course I got the "sympethetic" look but I could tell she had no clue what it was like and I realized I don't know what its like to have cancer so I can atleast relate to that. She gave me a breathing exercise and a self-care depression workbook to help me understand it better. Boy what a cruel task master I am to myself! I owe a lot of money, mostly to student loans, but quit a bit to friends who have tried to get me on my feet over the last few years. Some borrowed money from their friends for me( I didn't know that till after) and are starting to get some flak over it and thats another thing looming over me like a dark cloud. I still want to dust off my resume and rush them off to local businesses but I realize I have to get healty first. I got dark circles under my eyes and I look exhausted, not being able to find work makes me wonder if they think I'm a drug addict or so sick that I'd have to take too much time off work to even consider hiring me. I'm afraid to list my disabilities on job forms cause its hard enough finding a job as it is.
I am going home to list my "problems" from least to worst and start working on the ones I can fix now and fix the rest later. I was going to see the doc today instead of the 17th as I'm tired of feeling embarrased for having to resheduling my appointments earlier than booked. Hes my doc and I'm sick of not sleeping(been 3 weeks now) and if he doesn't like it TOO BAD!
Glad to hear your kids discovered AOE Sara! I really miss my buds on-line, we used to have a blast playing that for hours, I started a clan called WarGod(I'm Dark_WarGod) check it out my website I built, learned web-designing as a way of coping with my RLS www.freewebs.com/aokwargod
Well got to go, thanks again Ann,Brady,Jan,Jan3(don't you dare trivialize your pain!),Sara,Becat and everyone else for your love and support.
Peace
Thanks Brady, for sharing your past, I'm sooo glad that hose melted. My brother chose the car/exhast as his choice for "relief". Unfortunatly he used a half inch reinforced hose which wouldn't melt. I had thought that I'd come to accept his death but after hearing your words and talking to the councillor I realized that that was something else that was bothering me. I was using my denial to convience myself I was alright with it but I'm not. My mother convienced herself he died in a car accident and since she has dementia and partial schizophenia I don't argue that fact anymore, she's suffered enough in her life as well.
I lost my best friend when I was 10 because his mother couldn't stand the mental strain of caring for her husband's(who worked very hard and had to commute 1 1/2 hrs a day both ways) very ill mother. So she filled up some gas cans put them in the house a blew them both up. She was thrown clear of the blast and spent two years in a hospital. Her husband came home from work not realizing he had lost 3/5 of his family. He commited suicide the next day in his car of a drug overdose not far from the burned out house. I saw her a couple of years after that and I realized that it wasn't her fault. She seemed more concerned about me than she was about herself. I told her I was doing good, which I was, ate my lunch talked with her for awhile and went back to school. I have never seen her since and hope she atleast found some peace from the torment of what her mental illness did. I refuse to blame her for what she did as she obviously needed help but like me maybe didn't know how to ask for it.
Someone mentioned "a male attitude" to disease and pain. Well its true but its society that makes us feel that way. I grew up on welfare all my life and the depression and RLS didn't help any. I was embarrased my mother had arthritis and couldn't work even though it wasn't her fault. I didn't have a very health mental attitude I realize now and what makes me mad is no one picked up on my depression because I was an expert at hiding it. Of couse I realize now a "weak-male" is one who doesn't cry or share his pain because of fears he he will be laughed at or scorned by other males. We must teach our sons, that a strong male is one who can do both of those things. I still find myself fighting a good cry as I'm afraid it will just overwhelm me and I won't be able to stop. But I also know if I don't cry I'm just hurting myself even more.
I am feeling a little better(though I'm practically twitching outta my chair and my arms are burning from so much typing) since I've talked to a councillor and read ALL these posts from start to finish. She asked me if I relaxed and I answered, "ya I pace" as she had no clue as to what RLS was. I asked her to log in to check out our posts but she seemd reluctant because of her lack of knowledge on the subject. I did my best to inform her what were going through and of course I got the "sympethetic" look but I could tell she had no clue what it was like and I realized I don't know what its like to have cancer so I can atleast relate to that. She gave me a breathing exercise and a self-care depression workbook to help me understand it better. Boy what a cruel task master I am to myself! I owe a lot of money, mostly to student loans, but quit a bit to friends who have tried to get me on my feet over the last few years. Some borrowed money from their friends for me( I didn't know that till after) and are starting to get some flak over it and thats another thing looming over me like a dark cloud. I still want to dust off my resume and rush them off to local businesses but I realize I have to get healty first. I got dark circles under my eyes and I look exhausted, not being able to find work makes me wonder if they think I'm a drug addict or so sick that I'd have to take too much time off work to even consider hiring me. I'm afraid to list my disabilities on job forms cause its hard enough finding a job as it is.
I am going home to list my "problems" from least to worst and start working on the ones I can fix now and fix the rest later. I was going to see the doc today instead of the 17th as I'm tired of feeling embarrased for having to resheduling my appointments earlier than booked. Hes my doc and I'm sick of not sleeping(been 3 weeks now) and if he doesn't like it TOO BAD!
Glad to hear your kids discovered AOE Sara! I really miss my buds on-line, we used to have a blast playing that for hours, I started a clan called WarGod(I'm Dark_WarGod) check it out my website I built, learned web-designing as a way of coping with my RLS www.freewebs.com/aokwargod
Well got to go, thanks again Ann,Brady,Jan,Jan3(don't you dare trivialize your pain!),Sara,Becat and everyone else for your love and support.
Peace
Q of L
(((((((((((Ian)))))))))
Here's a big cyber hug for you. WOW, what a post.
I'm glad you shared that with us. You've got a wonderful heart.
I wonder if you would write a Quality of Life statement for me. If stress effects RLS, I can only imagen how it has effected yours. Your story will surely help many others. You helped me see that I need to teach my boys more about what "real Men" feel and how they can use their reactions in a positive way. Thank you and Brady for that. Jumpy helps in that way too. It's all a learning process. Brady once said that we learn life skills here, he's right. We're a lucky bunch to have each other. A Wonderful Cyber Family.
Ian, it's just a matter of the right combination of things that are sure to fall into place that will help. It sounds like your truely moving forward. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I dont' grieve well either. Just never learned how to do it. I'm glad you know what the source of your discomfort and you can start the healing process. We'll be here, promise to support your journey. There will come a day when you'll reach out to someone here and it all comes full circle.
Thank you Ian, for your post. That was something!
Here's a big cyber hug for you. WOW, what a post.
I'm glad you shared that with us. You've got a wonderful heart.
I wonder if you would write a Quality of Life statement for me. If stress effects RLS, I can only imagen how it has effected yours. Your story will surely help many others. You helped me see that I need to teach my boys more about what "real Men" feel and how they can use their reactions in a positive way. Thank you and Brady for that. Jumpy helps in that way too. It's all a learning process. Brady once said that we learn life skills here, he's right. We're a lucky bunch to have each other. A Wonderful Cyber Family.
Ian, it's just a matter of the right combination of things that are sure to fall into place that will help. It sounds like your truely moving forward. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I dont' grieve well either. Just never learned how to do it. I'm glad you know what the source of your discomfort and you can start the healing process. We'll be here, promise to support your journey. There will come a day when you'll reach out to someone here and it all comes full circle.
Thank you Ian, for your post. That was something!
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ViewsAskew
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Anonymous wrote: I am going home to list my "problems" from least to worst and start working on the ones I can fix now and fix the rest later. I was going to see the doc today instead of the 17th as I'm tired of feeling embarrased for having to resheduling my appointments earlier than booked. Hes my doc and I'm sick of not sleeping(been 3 weeks now) and if he doesn't like it TOO BAD!
You gotta love a place like this that allows stuff like that to happen. I had tingles when I read it. Getting out of a difficult place is hard, but sometimes I think making the decision to get out it and taking the first step is the hardest. The stuff that comes after may seem hard, but it's nothing like this. Hope that list is coming along and in proper perspective: Rome wasn't built in a day, as they say
.
Ann