How do you know which state is fake? Maybe you need the meds to enter realityat about the 6 week mark (how long it took to kick in) it was like going from a rainy day to a beautiful day. Sort of fake really, but it kept me going.
I have to say this - I hope I'm not a broken record, cuz I've mentioned it before, but it still amazes me.
I've dealt with low-grade depression all my life, and low-grade anxiety (which blossomed into panic attacks for a while) for 10-15 years. I started going to a HIIT gym in 2014 cuz I had a broken knee and couldn't play hockey. Turns out there's something about the gym workouts that fixes things for me.
When I miss going to the gym for 3 days, I become anxious again. It takes a little longer for the depression to come back, but it does. I have never, since my first year at the gym, felt anxiety or - except for once - depression, unless I missed a few days in a row.
Hockey didn't do this. Something about lifting weights, I think. In a HIIT gym, the workouts are pre-set. Sometimes you start with lifting weights (bench press, back squat, etc) and end with a short workout, other times there's no weights and a longer workout, but the workouts have weights in them too, like dumbbell snatches and kettlebell swings. They might also have cardio things like rowing or box jumping. The workouts have a competitive aspect (eg. how many rounds can you do in 10 minutes) to get you to push yourself. I don't know which part(s) of the program help the depression and anxiety, but I suspect just lifting weights would be good enough. Not sure, though.
My son has depression. He goes to a gym (not a HIIT gym, just weights) and it works for him too. I know other people too... I'm pretty sure it's the weights. It's something you might want to try, might be better than pills, and it really makes you feel good, too, It's not just an absence of depression.