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that feeling

Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 2:36 pm
by leggo_my_legs
We have all been there. Today is that day for me. I needed sleep so bad last night. Went to bed eay. Was already feeling so emotional last night. Awful quality of sleep. Woke up with back spasm and feeling more emotional than last night. That feeling when you have one nerve left. No reserves to cope with life. I think it was the hot flashes last night that did me in.

Hate that feeling when you tried your best and still feel horrendous.

Re: that feeling

Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 4:30 pm
by Rustsmith
I know the feeling quite well. Earlier this week I needed to spend time working on a technical report that required total concentration. At the same time, my wife was in bed all day with sciatic nerve pain. The problem was that our cat kept running into my office screaming that she wanted me to leave and come into the living room to sit on the couch with her. When I did, she would jump down and run off until I went back to my office. Then just as I would get started again by reading the last four pages that I had written, it would all start over again. I had to get that work done, so the pressure and tension kept building until I had a near meltdown in the middle of the afternoon. And of course, this all had to happen on the day after the worst night of sleep that I have had in months. :x

Re: that feeling

Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 9:14 pm
by leggo_my_legs
Steve, ah geez! Isn't that how it goes. That's quite an assertive cat!

I felt a bit better after I got going today. Hopefully tonight will be better.

Re: that feeling

Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 10:59 pm
by Rustsmith
leggo, yes she is quite assertive. She has to be sedated for you annual physicals. Her vet describes her as a little lion, and she is 15 yrs old and still quite active.

I am also doing better today. My wife said she could see the early signs of depression in me, which starts to come on when I am on MMJ for too long. So, I will take a holiday from that for a few more days even though my sleep will not be as sound.

Re: that feeling

Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 8:13 am
by Polar Bear
Steve, pretty good that your wife is quick to see the signs. Were you aware of it yourself?

With regard to 'that feeling' I can relate in a lesser way. I take a regular citalopram, just next door to being off it altogether. BUT, there's just a little part of me that isn't up to the mark. Noone else would be aware. Operating on about 4 hours sleep for so many many years - sleep could be a contributor.

Thing is, It's not that I feel depressed in the full sense of the word, just a little sad inside and that my mood is easily knocked. Apart from the lack of sleep I can say that there is a personal situation that I can do little about but that I wish was different, and I feel saddened and disappointed. So I'm not sure if it's that my mood is low and therefore the situation (in my mind) has gone from a molehill to a mountain. Or if it is the situation that lowers my mood which is what it feels like.

A general low grumbling anxiety..... Time perhaps to get out a book that I read a few years ago and which I found useful 'The Worry Cure'. I don't normally pay much attention to such reading material but found it helpful at the time.

Re: that feeling

Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 9:31 am
by ViewsAskew
That is a great book! A dear friend - who had many things go wrong all at the same time including her mother's death - was seeing a therapist and this book was recommended. While therapy helped, she said this book helped her just as much.

I can usually tell that I have entered that place when I start snapping over EVERYTHING. Break a nail? Yell or get mad. Husband is late home? Instead of saying hi and giving him a hug, immediately be snarky and mean. And so on.

Re: that feeling

Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 12:18 pm
by Rustsmith
PB, I felt very stressed and tense but I did not notice being depressed. But depression is something that I have fought for my entire life, so she probably sees the early signs before I do. There were several other things that could have been contributing, including the fact that I have been running less lately. So, I just need to try to get back to my normal routine.

Re: that feeling

Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 12:51 pm
by SLEEPY ANGEL
To ALL of you--- Rustsmith, ViewsAskew, Polar Bear, leggo_my_legs---

Trying to cope, getting NOWHERE, having people (or cats!) giving you problems are so difficult when we're under stress! Rustsmith, that sounds like a Siamese cat, like mine, actually... very demanding!

When my parents were in failing health and I was the only one who was doing everything for them, and watching them go downhill, I was a mess and HAD to go on anti-depressants; people would ask how they were doing and I'd burst into tears no matter where we were (in a public place or not...).

Also, when there's a personal situation (Polar Bear) that isn't going as you'd like, it will ADD to the weight on your shoulders. I had a friend that was always giving me grief and finally dumped our friendship, and nothing fixed it, no matter what I did or said. So, I figured that the very best thing I could do was to let her have her way : sometimes folks just will be happier if left alone. Naturally, this might not solve YOUR problem, but as sad as it was, that's what I had to do.

Re: that feeling

Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 5:55 pm
by Polar Bear
SLEEPY ANGEL - it is indeed a weight of a sorts but I' m not sure if it is me that is making it into a weight unnecessarily.
Actually there has been a come and go element of this particular weight for the most of my fully adult life.
I can be uber sensitive and an awful worrier.
Can you tell I'm also an over-thinker?
And I don't want to discuss it with my husband because I don't want him to be influenced. Also cutting off contact is not an option.

Rustsmith - definitely, a change of routine doesn't help. Good luck.

Ann - I've hunted out the book. Funnily enough I don't get cranky or snappy. My best friend is like that and it works for her, everything out in the open regardless of the fallout. I'm pretty level and generally things pass ... until there comes a moment which happens very rarely ... that's when I really lose it. I could physically go through a wall (not literally). A train would not stop me.
Best friend has seen it twice in 40 years, not directed at her, she was just present.
A boss saw in twice in 16 years - and that's one of the times that BF was present.

The Worry Cure, here I come.

Re: that feeling

Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 6:12 pm
by ViewsAskew
Rustsmith wrote:PB, I felt very stressed and tense but I did not notice being depressed. But depression is something that I have fought for my entire life, so she probably sees the early signs before I do. There were several other things that could have been contributing, including the fact that I have been running less lately. So, I just need to try to get back to my normal routine.


I think everyone on my mom's side has depression, one is bipolar, all of us have RLS - well the two youngest nieces have neither. One is already 18, so maybe sue missed it. The other is only 7, so we will see. I always could see it in my mom before she would. And sister and I could see it in oldest niece early.

Your comment on running hit home. I am injury prone and am injured again. Two months since I could walk, ride my bike, hike, etc. I was doing better, went a bit too far on my walk (2 whole miles instead of the 1.25 I had been doing) and am back to square one with swelling and pain. I need to be outside doing things, being active. And when I cannot, it just compounds things.

Hope you get back to running soon.

Polar Bear - as long as I feel well, I am very level. When I get depressed or am hurt, that is when I lose my first level of filters - swearing at silly issues (like dropping something) and giving nasty looks or short jabs at hubby. I don't recall any instances of letting it all out in the last twenty years...but before that, I do! After a grueling year in which I lost a parent, a grandparent, moved, ended a long term relationship and changed jobs (what a year!), I found a 12 Step group and learned how being a child of an alcoholic and a codependent parent had affected me. Lots of work later, I tend to be pretty even - so that is how I know when the dark cloud has descended.

Re: that feeling

Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 8:45 pm
by Polar Bear
Views - I do believe our growing up years can be hard to get over.
What a dreadful year that you mention, enough to push anyone to the edge.

Re: that feeling

Posted: Fri Apr 14, 2017 4:12 am
by ViewsAskew
Polar Bear wrote:Views - I do believe our growing up years can be hard to get over.
What a dreadful year that you mention, enough to push anyone to the edge.


Yes, yes they can be. And the fascinating thing is that the vast majority of parents try hard. And even with all I went through, I realized a couple years in that no parent says (while rubbing hands together in glee), "Boy oh boy, I can't wait to screw up this child. Oh, the things I am going to do..." And, yet, we are so easily damaged, while being oh-so strong and resilient at the same time. Quite the dichotomy.

During that fateful year, I had the most wonderful boss. I was having panic attacks at work in the months following my parent's death; he made me go see a doctor. She was the best doctor I have ever had. After taking my family medical history, she sat beside me, leaned in and suggested some books on codependency, a stress class that was free at a local college, and to attend twelve step group. In that moment, she changed my life forever. I often wonder what path I would have taken without that chance meeting.

Re: that feeling

Posted: Fri Apr 14, 2017 6:27 am
by Polar Bear
How things change on the turn of a coin.
No man is an island.

Re: that feeling

Posted: Mon Apr 17, 2017 3:09 am
by leggo_my_legs
My "warning sign" (if you can call it that, as I'm WELL on my way when it happens) is wanting to scream when I find junkmail in my mailbox!

I've also struggled with depression throughout my life. Ticked off right now because my insurance didn't like the dose my doctor wanted me on for the Buspar anxiety med and now they want a "preauthorization." In the meantime, I ran out of the med and am not feeling well. This has continued to be a rough week with poor sleep. Going to bed early tonight to try again. No fun. Also always makes my physical pain worse when I don't get good sleep. So I have that to contend with.

Editing to add a little good news: 1) I dumped facebook finally. I've been wanting to do that for awhile due to privacy concerns. 2) Had a wave of love for my dog. I videotaped him while I was gone for a few hours to make sure he isn't barking. Nope! He's a model citizen. So proud of him!

Re: that feeling

Posted: Mon Apr 17, 2017 11:11 pm
by legsbestill
Wow leggo - rough times!
What kind of dog have you got?