Venting

[Rubyslipper]

This is a whineing pity party so if you aren't into those, you can stop reading now! I'm typing this without corrections because I ned pepole to see that something isn't right. I'm not a perfect typist but this is rediculous.

I also know that this isn't a fibro board but I can't find one that is friendly or wokrs fo me. I won't go into the whol fibro mess except to say that I hurt, all the time. There ar 4 steps inot our office and I can baely make it up them.

There is something going on with me that I don't understnad. I can't type (can you tell?) and I can't concentrate at work. This goes beyond the fibro and RLS. The RLS is doing pretty well actulyy. I have problems about 3 times a week and they don't last long.

I'm depressed, just want to crawl in a hole and have everyone leave me alosn. I know that I'm stressed out with everhtying that needs to get done and I see no end in sight. A lot of that is my own falult but I'm committed and that's the way it is.

I did get my neuor appt noved up one week but that's still 3 weeks away. It just all sucks right now. There are several things going on in my private lige that have me upset but there's nothing I can do about them.

Anyway, if you can understand any of what I have written, you should try out as a translater for teh dyslexic. Not a slam, just knowing that my typing is terrible. This is what I do all the time now unless I spend lots of time cleaning it up.

Sorry, but I needed to get it out. Icould have gone on for an hour but this is enough. Other people have lots more problems than me. Maybe I'm bi-polar--one minute I'm laughing and the next ready to cry.

There's a song "Poor, poor pitiful me." didn't really mean for this to get to that pint.

[Polar Bear]

Hugs and more hugs.. Ruby sorry you're feeling so poorly. Gotta get help, have a good cry... wish I could help.

Betty

[Rubyslipper]

Thank you. Sometimes you just have to get things off your chest.

[Sojourner]

R, Sorry for the funk. Glad you chose to share with us. 3 weeks is a long time particularly for all you are feeling. I don't have any first hand experience with Fibro. so can't offer much. But, if you feel these things are different are are causing you to feel so much different than I wonder if you can ask for an expedited appointment. Also, if you really are feeling very different perhaps a trip to the emergency room might be in order. Hopefully, whatever is going on will let up and you will start to feel better.
Best wishes.

M.

[Rubyslipper]

Thanks for the input Mark. That 3 week wait is an expedited appt. We live is such a rural area that I have to drive to the nearest large city and that is the quickest they can get me in. I don't really think it is an emergency and wouldn't go to the emergency room here in town anyway. I just know that something is wrong, more than the normal.

That was more of a rant than a vent and I probably should have just kept it to myself. Dwelling on problems usually just make them worse. But this is the only place I can go to and I am thankful that I have it. I've gone back and cleaned up my spelling on this post so you can read it. LOL

[becat]

My sweet Ruby slippers, I am dyslexic and I read your post perfectly. LOL

Just like you typed it the way my brain sees it, so no worries there my LOVE!

I can't tell you what a mountain looks like from your house, but can from mine and it never changes when it feels like one. Te only thing you can do is dig in, say NO more often (clears throat and raises eyebrow), do what you need to and by far and foremost........take care of you first.

Your not strong in this area my love, you just keep pushing along and nodding when you should be saying no and taking a walk around the babies or better with Isabella around the farm.

Life is hardly ever watchful enough, it never looks to see if out plate is full, before it slaps another helping of something else. You can only do what you can my sweet friend. And what can wait, will, without harm.

I wish I coudl be there, help, just let you scream at me, maybe sit on the fence at the barn and watch life happen.....long enough for the world to slow down the spinning process.

I wish I had good advice, something wonderful to make it all go away, but I only have my heart and my friendship, my sister, to share with you.
I'd gladly take every pain you have and every have to do thing on your list. if only I could.

Hugs and you vent here at home, any time you please.
We should be the ones that feel honored that you trust us so.

I Love Ruby, Lynne

[Polar Bear]

Never keep it to yourself.... stress, migraine.. etc etc. that's what we are here for.

Betty

[Polar Bear]

What I meant was... never keep it to yourself, cos then you only get more stress or migraine etc. on top of everything else.

[Rubyslipper]

Betty, you are right. Keeping it in only makes it worse. That's why I come here because no one else gets it. Lynne, I too wish you were here just for a little while but posting will have to do.

I have a really hard time saying NO (you recognize that so well in me) and believe it or not, I HATE confrontations of any kind. So I just say sure, fine. It's just hard to say no to family and friends. I've always been able to handle life and right now, can't. It looks like a long haul (trucking or otherwise!) before it gets better.

What gets me is even when I say no or tell people how bad I feel, they just keep at me until it's easier to do it than keep saying no. So many people sympathize but don't have any idea what it's like to feel so lousy that you just wish the day/week were over hoping that it will be better tomorrow/next week. And it isn't. But you all know what it is like and even though you can't make it go away, you do make it better by talking me through it.

Thanks.

[cmoore1958]

Oh, my poor sweet sister Ruby. My heart and empathy go out to you. I've been were you are now with your fibro and it isn't fun. My fibro is thankfully better right now, but as you know that can change in the blink of an eye.

When I would get into these really bad funks with my fibro it seemed nothing would ever go right again in my world. Everyone wanted and wanted from me but I didn't feel they ever gave back unless it was criticism for me not getting to them fast enough, or doing a good enough job, or focusing on only them, etc. I have often told my husband that I wish fibro was a disability others could actually see. I'm tired of looking normal and feeling so bad that normal is not even a word any more.

My advice to you is to hang on to yourself for the ride. Even though it doesn't seem like it right now it will pass, the hard part is the wait. Look at me, I just went through this about 6 months ago for a good 5 weeks and here I am the crack-up nut God intended me to be.

In the ways I feel about my fibro, that disease is parallel to rls. You can't see rls either, but it sure is there all the time waiting to rear its ugly head and fangs. Even though this is not a fibro board, it is a family of which you are a very important member. You have rls in combination with your fibro regardless of which is primary. These two disorders feed off of each other. Bottom line, Ruby, you are in the right place for this little rant and rave. . . so, you go girl!

I'm sending my hugs and strength (what I can muster up) to you right now. Anytime you want to talk, you got my number.

Love ya girlfriend,
Cyn

[jan3213]

Oh, my sweet Ruby! I wish I could take away all of your pain!!! I wish you'd never heard the term "fibro!!!" I wish all that you needed was a squirt from the "oil can" like our friend, the Lion from Oz. Or, that you just needed more straw, like me---the Scarecrow (I always treasure the one you sent me!). Or that there really was a Wizard and Wanda the Good Witch would be able to have you click your ruby slippers three times and make the pain go away.

Of all the gosh darn nice people on the face of this earth (and the not so nice people), I wish YOU would never have pain of any kind--physical or emotional.

I am so glad you come here so that we all know what's wrong and we can pray, send good thoughts--whatever each of us does--for you. I know you've done plenty of that yourself for others (ME included!).

I hope the weather breaks soon and that spring hurries up so the sunshine will warm your body and the blue skies will warm your heart and soul!

Much love, my sweetie!
Jan

[lyndarae]

Ruby, Thanks for speaking up because I havent had the courage to do it. I am feeling very depressed have been for too long now...... Sick and tires of being sick and tired. The hole is swallowing me and I dont want to talk to anyone. I am lonely and discourage about life (mine anyway) really right now I just dont give a flying leap. I know what I need to do been here before but this time I feel different like whats the use......who cares blah blah blah I know people care about me but I could dissapear for a long time before anyone would go looking and I know that for a fact and its not a good feeling people are not meant to go through life alone and I am dam tired of it. My dogs even gone now cant find him he is not in the pound cant take care of him anyway cant take care of myself let alone a dog and a cat and every thing else. Dont anyone panic, I am just venting and crying and trying to get out of this hole. But not too hard just dont care any more cant help it seems like everything I do is crap on a cracker theres no place to go and no where to hide heck I can hide right here and am doing a good job of it. I am empty and nothing matters any more, I have been wanting to say something for a while but I just dont want to call attention to myself or any of it, I guess Ruby I just wanted to say I hear ya girlfriend loud and clear I am having a hard time stopping the thoughts running around in my head and dont like who I seee in the mirror. And no,medication is out of the question been there too, this is just life happening to me guess I need to get my boots on and start digging I do know how to get out the problem is I dont want to what is the point???? I cant find one right now. If I could sleep I would sleep it away ha joke.............even having a hard time getting dressed just wondering around from room to room wondering

[Rubyslipper]

I guess all of us have been in that depression boat at one time or another. But how wonderful to know I have people ready to row me around until I'm ready to do again it myself.

Lyndarae, I hear you loud and clear. If you don't give up, I won't either. It's such a wonderful feeling to know someone cares and we all do.

Yes, I will ride this out. If I could have one day to sit and make some decisions about where I am going and what I need to do, it would help. I just can't seem to get a handle on the situation. I just bounce from thing to thing. But it will get better, just need to hang on and wait.

[ctravel12]

Hey Ruby whether it is rls or fibro we are here for you not matter what. I know sweet Jan said one time to me "pain is pain no matter what it is" and that has helped me out alot. Please do not apologize for wanting to vent this is what this board is all about. I will be here and so will everyone else whenever you need to talk. If you need to call me, please do not hesitate as I will always make time to talk to you anytime.

Please take care of yourself and if you want to crawl into a hole that is fine except you will find company (all of us) if you do not mind. We will all huddle together, cry and laugh together too.

I love you my friend and please take care of yourself.

[ViewsAskew]

My boat is circling around all of your boats. I want to say that together our boats make something....but all I see is bedraggled boats in a huge ocean.

Per the typing, no question that mine is worse when I am worse. If I didn't have that little spellcheck thingee, there are times I wouldn't be able to read what I wrote, and I wrote it.

My guess is that most of us see the whole confrontation thing from a skewed perspective. Too passive, too agrressive, or passive-agressive, lol.

I hope you find a balance that you can be happy with...and a way to stand up for yourself to achieve that balance. You deserve it.