
In the personality system that I like the most, I am the type that is seemingly the most happy. We act happy all the time, and have what is called by some, a "perma grin." The problem is that we always think that happiness is out there somewhere, and we'll we happy "when" this, that or the other thing happens. So we spend out lives planning for when we're going to be happy. It's been a tough lesson to learn that happiness is not out there somewhere, but has to come from within, and to learn to be content with what is, versus waiting for a time when we will be happy. So I've had to learn to focus on being happy about what is good in life, instead of focusing on what is wrong. And with that change of focus I've been able to not talk so much to others about my misery.
I'm one that really likes attention, too. It's really easy for me to dominate a conversation and talk about myself, to the point of never getting around to asking the other person how he or she is. Being a minister, I've really had to work on that as well. Once in a while I can actually keep the conversation directed at the other person, and listen to what they are saying, without bringing the conversation back to me. It's really a good skill to be able to deflect the conversation onto other people.
There are a couple specific things that help me in not talking so much about my ills to people who don't want to hear about it. One is having a dedicated support group; a place to go where I know that people will understand and will listen with empathy, at least most of the time.
Another is to get out and do things - try a new restaurant, go to the latest movies, or even watch a new TV show. Then I'll have something to talk about other than my lack of sleep and pain.
I've actually threatened my family that I'm going to hire someone to come into our home and teach us how to hold conversations with each other. My husband likes to ramble on and doesn't notice when no one is listening, and he rarely hears what anyone else says. My son does similarly, but puts a lot more energy into it. He'll go on and on about computer games. And then there's my daughter with Asperger's who just doesn't do small talk. I swing between how she communicates and how my son communicates. Sometimes I can get engaged in the conversation that's going on and sometimes I'd rather not. But I do think that learning to engage in conversation with people is a learned skill that can be practiced, and that we can all improve in the areas of listening and watching nonverbal cues.
Well, it's time for dinner. I hope some of this makes sense to somebody.
