Wretched Life

For everything and anything else not covered in the other RLS sections.
Walking After Midnight
Posts: 649
Joined: Sun Aug 21, 2005 5:23 am
Location: Portage, Indiana
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Wretched Life

Post by Walking After Midnight »

You see the guys on TV, living in a cardboard box in the street, staying up all night struggling with some disease or addiction. Or on COPs..."whatcha gonna do when they come for you"...driving around in some terrible neighborhood looking for the crack house. Just people looking terrible and feeling terrible and needing something very badly.

That's how I feel.

It seems like sometimes all I can feel is pain. Something always hurts, something is always keeping me awake and irritable. It's wretched. Now to go with the pain, Restless Leg Syndrome. Ive always had it but now it has a name and it sucks. If I didn't have a Christian upbringing, which I call upon when I need it but seem to forget when I'm feeling fine, I woulda put a gun to my head a long time ago. Sometimes, life aint that great to put up with this stuff.

Here's the thing though.
Tonight, my youngest son's Freshman Football team takes on the Merrillville Pirates Freshman team. He's a Wide Receiver/Defensive Back. Last week he had 2 catches, one that almost went for a TD and the other was this amazing catch, slant pattern, caught it with 2 Defenders in his face, broke a tackle and ran for about 10 more. I always tape the games and we come home and watch them and talk about it while his Mom keeps telling him to get his homework done.

Life is Great.

Randy

ksxroads
Posts: 645
Joined: Tue Aug 02, 2005 8:19 pm
Location: Kansas

Post by ksxroads »

Dear Randy,

Pain and illness are like rough calleous hands peeling layers off our body and soul. It opens the pathways to inner doubts as to what it is to feel just right. The mind wanders trying to find some sense of direction. Is it lack of information? Certainly the feeling of isolation feeds ones insecurities. It is in this isolation that the wandering mind questions am I good enough, am I strong, am I weak. The answers are there yet the inner voices overwhelm one with doubt.

I know as I have been wandering there recently.

You are so proud of your son's accomplishments, I can hear it in your writing. Yet the urgency of everything else overwhelms you, I pray that you find stillness.

Try not be so hard on yourself. Reality has been harsh for you lately. Stop eat a strawberry and think of nothing else. Stand in the sun and breathe in the light. Let spirit surrond you and return you to the path of the true and noble heart.

I pray that you will find comfort and restorative rest. I pray that you will feel God's hands holding you even if your rear is flat on the ground. I pray that you will find tenderness.

Love and Healing Light, Hazel

Walking After Midnight
Posts: 649
Joined: Sun Aug 21, 2005 5:23 am
Location: Portage, Indiana
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Post by Walking After Midnight »

Thanks Hazel.

Sometimes it's good to just put everything down and look at it.

My family is great....3 boys and a girl. The oldest is married and just found out...we're going to be grandparents. hmmm? I don't know if I like that news or not, but of course I'm happy for them.

It's easy to always cry about everything. Some of us have that personality type. A few of my friends jokingly call me "Glum" cause I'm always the guy at the Football Game saying..."Nope, we're gonna lose this one". I just tend to not be very much of an optimist...even depressive at times. (My Poor Wife)

But looking at it with a clear picture...life is pretty good most the time and things work out.

Now I'll shut up.

ksxroads
Posts: 645
Joined: Tue Aug 02, 2005 8:19 pm
Location: Kansas

Post by ksxroads »

No never shut up! hahahaha

I can relate, it is my nature or sun sign or moon sign whatever, that initially I will be glum or depressed... yet I tend to be very private with my grief - you are right it is good to write and get it out...

Used to tell people just breathe... to this day, people tell me just the other day so and so told me remember hazel just breathe... guess I needed to hear that good thing it was phone conversation as I was blue in the face from being so tense my lungs couldn't inhale...

I dislike watching news... will watch cnn for about an hour... definetly cannot watch news with Will commentary! talk about ulcer ...

How did this weeks game go?

******Positive Thoughts***** Hazel

becat
Posts: 2842
Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2004 11:41 pm

I'm Breathing

Post by becat »

Hi and Hugs to all,
I'm wretched and feeling rather broken myself Randy. It's been an uncommon and rough year, maybe a little longer. One large event after another, most not welcomed, nor of my own doing or choice.
I just keep telling myself that i can make it to the next hurdle. Most of the time I do, out of sheer meanness I'm sure.
So much in the last year has been good on the RLS front, a change of medications last year brought a new life to me. One that had not been my experience for almost 10 yrs. I know how to count a blessing, see the good in the bad or at least learn the lesson. It's the mature thing to do when crap hit the fan, right? Well, I'm trying.
Just haven't made it the last 4-5 days. Just haven't had the strenght to wear it all in a mature or healthy way. Strangely enough I'm downright hurting, in every way possible. It was a weekend with no end to the pain, finally taking my legs with it. It's not to often that I fall prey to an all out RLS attack anymore. That the Good Lord. But I couldn't walk, couldn't sleep, couldn't control the RLS monster inside, the bugs, etc. I actually dream I was breaking someone's (?mine?) finger, woke up and was breaking my own. Thankfully, it did not break. but it did give me a wake up call to pay more attention to dealing with some of what I can.
I know that harmones played a part, the heat in Dallas is awful as well, again, but I let everything get piled up. I let it all happen and couldn't stop a bit of it.
I'm suppose to go to a meeting tonight for one of my teenagers and I fear that the shower and the makeup will not hide the tornado in my body or heart.
honey, there are just days when your allowed to take it hard. I'm worth the rock I crawl under (every so often) to protect myself. I know I won't feel this way forever. Give me some sleep, give me some time, I'll be back to fighting mode. It's tough, life is good, worth the effort, big and small. When you feel wretched come here and write like you did......You'll find that your still not alone in this and we all have tought times. There are days we all need a little place to vent.
Just the wonder of it all.......cyber hugs and this cyber family....RLS brought us together and it's what keeps us rowing through it all. Some days we row for each other.
Hazel, I think I broke my orr........getting duct tape while I'm out to repair it.
Hugs to you all.

Penguinrocks
Posts: 703
Joined: Thu Mar 17, 2005 6:03 pm
Location: Massachusetts
Contact:

Post by Penguinrocks »

Sweet people!

Good evening. I sure wish I could make all the "bad" go away. All i can offer is to listen and just let you all know that I, for one, do care!

Becat, you know I think the world of you lady. My heart breaks to see you and everyone so sad and in pain.

:cry: Penguin
Beware the Penguin

becat
Posts: 2842
Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2004 11:41 pm

Hugs to a Penguin

Post by becat »

Hugs to you Miss Penguin.
Thank you for the love. And I'd gladly do the same for you.
You know there are just times in your life that the ball never stops rolling long enough to deal with things. I'm thinking it is much better to deal with it as it happens if you can, than to let it get out of hand.
Like I said, this is not going to feel this way forever! Right? It was just a bad several days.
I wish I had offered to crew for my uncle during the Hot Air Balloon Fiesta this year. There's no better cure for me, 100s of balloon gracing the sky. Awwwww, a good thought far to late.
Thank you Penguin, Much love to you and a ton of hugs.

jan3213
Posts: 1706
Joined: Wed May 26, 2004 8:46 pm
Location: Illinois

BECAT, My dear friend

Post by jan3213 »

It's Jan

I hear the pain in your voice. It breaks my heart. This is just a message to you right now. Find a TREE, climb up and look at that MOON. Because, I know that I'm looking at the same moon, I'm sure Penguin is, and I know a few others that are, too!

That's the connection you've given me, Penguin and others. You are such a strong woman. But, even strong people need to have someone else row their boat occasionally. I'm here and I will help!

I hope you can feel how much I care about you.

Hand me the oar! Please!

Hugs
Jan
No one is alone who had friends.

jan3213
Posts: 1706
Joined: Wed May 26, 2004 8:46 pm
Location: Illinois

Groucho and Hazel

Post by jan3213 »

It's Jan again

I'm an "oldie" here, but I don't think I've "talked" to either one of you. I just wanted to say a few things, if that' all right.

Randy, this place has healed me so many times. It's a good place to share and just let it go. Please, don't "shut up". You're never alone here. Late at night, when you think there's no hope, come here and tell us. I have read about your boys and your wife. You do have much to be proud of. What a wonderful father and husband you must be. But, you are in pain and you feel alone, sometimes, I'm sure. There are people who come and go--some stay a long time--some "oldies" come back, periodically. But, you will find support here always.

Hazel, what a joy you are. I've read so many of your posts. You are an encourager, like our Becat, and I'm so thankful you have decided to join us. (You, too, Randy).

Penguin--I don't want to leave you out. I read your posts, too, and your sincerity and compassion shines through each word.

It's interesting to see how this Board as evolved since May, 2004. RLS, in a strange way, has given us a gift, hasn't it? We would never have met if we didn't have "it".

God bless each of you. I pray that you all rest, sleep, and dream.

Hugs
Jan
No one is alone who had friends.

ANGELGIRL
Posts: 22
Joined: Tue May 17, 2005 2:46 am
Location: UNION DALE, PA

WORDS OF INSPIRATION

Post by ANGELGIRL »

Hi Angelgirl here.

The words written here are a great inspiration. This site- I agree is a great place to vent and get a boost when you hit bottom.

Sometimes you just wonder how the rest of the world lives.
Not taking medication, going to doctor appts. BEING IN PAIN!!!!

We truly need each other to get through our highs and lows-we need to draw energy from each other to get us through.

Angelgirl-Lori
POODLES RULE

Guest

Post by Guest »

Watching the second hand as it goes around my clock,
Fed up with what I have and the want I ain't got
tired of all the crap and tired of all the pain
If I could jump in my pickup truck and head down the road -
pick up becat, and all the rest as we go...
out under the stars, us Space Coyotes howlin' at the moon,
we'd chase our tails from Mars to Neptune...

Dang high pressure front hangin' over Dallas - dang wheel of life on the downward side, looking forward to that upward lift.

Lori you are right it is truly an inspiring place.

Have to smile, who is rowing this boat? It must be auto pilot angel! Just posted in another thread that it is a good thing there are those that can stir that hope up as I have been dog paddlin' lately! Guess dog paddlin will do when out of duct tape!

So many life lessons lately, have to step back and discern just whose life lesson ... it isn't easy when it touches my life. I want to be strong and forthright, and helpful ... yet it is a want I ain't always got. It is my choice as to which fire I'll jump in and put out myself. Yet sometimes life throws things at us so fast that all we can do is duck... move over I'm crawlin under that rock!

Yet for this moment I am closing my eyes and seeing those hot air balloons drifting across the sky. There is a cool autumn breeze on my face, and a crispness to the morning sky. It is one of those rare days when everything seems to be aligned just right. And I am so fortunate that becat, Lori, Penguin, Randy, and you too are all right here with me. There is nothing but peace and serenity in this moment.

Love and healing energy sent to each of you, Hazel

Walking After Midnight
Posts: 649
Joined: Sun Aug 21, 2005 5:23 am
Location: Portage, Indiana
Contact:

Post by Walking After Midnight »

becat...wish i could do or say something to make everything good. This aint fair sometimes.

i'm going to have a thing or two to ask when i get up there.

Everybody's right though. This is a good outlet. Even when nobody's up, at 3 am it feels better to come here and pour it out.

xroads...we won! matter of fact we're undefeated...so far.

thanx everyone.

randy.

Penguinrocks
Posts: 703
Joined: Thu Mar 17, 2005 6:03 pm
Location: Massachusetts
Contact:

Post by Penguinrocks »

Hello everyone.

Things just seem to come into focus sometimes.

My main concern right now is for Becat and everyone else in Texas land. Rita is a Cat 5 and headed your way.

Please keep us all posted as to your well being. We are all family and we love you all!

Penguin
Beware the Penguin

ANGELGIRL
Posts: 22
Joined: Tue May 17, 2005 2:46 am
Location: UNION DALE, PA

RITA

Post by ANGELGIRL »

Angelgirl here-

All you Texas people keep safe and please evacuate. I'd hate to meet Forum members on MSNBC on top of homes being rescued. I didn't mean that as a joke- I'm totally serious. I couldn't imagine going through something like.

I'm a big animal lover and when Katrina was on it's way a big reason alot of people in New Orleans stayed was because they couldn't take there pets. I see this hurricane they advise people to take there pets. I know I would stay if I couldn't take my dogs. For those of us who don't have any kids your pets are your kids.

I got a Standard poodle puppy in March and believe me they can really help your emotional status. No matter how much pain or how depressed. Wether you have periods of crying feeling sorry for yourself or periods when you just sit and shut yourself off from the world. Your pet is there- happy just watching you with those big eyes-like your a god of some kind.

Pets can tell when you need some cheering up. I know my dog has really helped me to keep myself moving and keep my mind off of all my physical and emotional issues.

All you Texas folks please keep safe and keep in touch so we know you are all okay.

God Bless

Angel- Loti
POODLES RULE

becat
Posts: 2842
Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2004 11:41 pm

Hugs are good

Post by becat »

Hi to you all.
Randy, that's what I did, I let it out here. I had forgotten that it was my "Normal" place. If anyone understands not being able to sleep or walk and to have life stresses on top of that........letting it hit you all at once. It's here! These wonderful people just open up and row for each other. I have to remember to read my own tag line every so often. Thank you for your words and thoughts. I, like you, just want to know every so often that "those" days are worth it.
Hazel, your surely becoming as wonderful around here as the shine of the moon. Even when I can't see you, still I have faith that your here. The miles between any of us is no match for the light of the moon. It's the same one that holds us all. Thank you, Thank you. I'm not sure who's rowing, but calm would be alright with me.
Miss Penguin, my heart is where you are often. My thoughts float your way with the warmth of a whispered hug. Your a doll and I thank you for rowing for me. If we all were just a bit closer, how different would this all be? tons!
Angel, my dog and my cats will be with me in the closet if Rita gets to rough. I'm in Dallas, 225 miles away (north) of Houston. I'm trying not to think about the high winds or the possible tornados. OMGosh :shock: those freak me out. I'm stocking up this week on the things we would need for a couple of days. Rearranging some closets to go with that!
I pray for all of those in the danger zone and hope that family and friends are well on their way out.
Thank you all for the support and the wonderful way you lifted me up.
I'd do it for you all anytime, anyday, the best way I could.
Hugs to you all.

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