I saw this thread active and for a second thought "rthom is back!". I wonder how he's doing.
I re-read the thread and wow, I was so optimistic back then, and now I seem to have .... what, faded? shrunk? I'm not bitter but I'm still lonely but it doesn't hurt? The ache is not huge. Maybe because I have a new world. Not just hockey and broomball, but now a HIIT gym, too. There's something about lifting weights that makes me feel really happy. And the people there are great; it's like we're a family. I don't have to be having a good day; it's not noticeable what kind of a day I'm having.
And my dog helps. I know this, because once I came home from a trip and she was gone (my housesitter didn't know when I was coming home and had taken her on a visit somewhere), and I felt lost. My house was wrong, empty.
She's 14 years old, a shepherd cross, huge ears, beautiful eyes. We understand each other so well, no words are necessary (which is a good thing because she's totally deaf). If she dies before I do, which seems likely, I will probably be devastated, even though I keep preparing myself for that day by enjoying her as much as I can, and taking her with me almost everywhere I go. She can't keep up with me anymore if I go for a run, though
